Located just near the corner of Colombo & St. Asaph streets,
100 metres north of the South City Mall.
Newsletter Number #0033 - November-December 2000 A.D. issue.
This ASCII newsletter is best viewed
using Courier New 9 font (small).
or View with Fixed Width Font.
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)<>(|)< http://welcome.to/hknetworks
>(|)<>(
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------------------< ISKCON ki jaya
>--------------------------
_0/\,
( Please Accept My Respectful Obeisances & Best Wishes To You All)
_0____, All Glories To Srila Prabhupad.
Welcome to this latest edition of the
HKSRNewsletter, and our humble attempt to do some service. This newsletter
now goes out to over 951 receivers. I trust that all is well with everyone
by the Mercy of the Lord. However, if anyone would like to be removed please
just send me a message requesting me to do so, and I will do it promptly.
If you are receiving this from a friend, and would like to be added directly
to the mailout please also let me know and I will do the needful there
too. Hare Krishna. =>B-) JTCd
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)<>(|)<>(|)<>( The Nectar
in this Issue: )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)
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IN THIS ISSUE:
WWW - news and views: Calendar Updates.
Chaturmasya Ends
Karttika mase Ends
Uttana Ekadasii
Srila Gaura Kishora dasa babaji -
Tirubhav
Srila Bhugarbha Goswami - Tirubhav
Srila Kasisvar Pandit - Tirubhav
Sripad Nimbarkacharya - Avirbhav
Sri Tulasi Shaligram vivaha
Sri Bhisma Panchaka
Sri Katyayani vrata begins
See the events on Interactive Calendar
site for details:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/Calendar200-2001.htm
Words of Wisdom - Shastra &
Shastrakaras speak:
(Srila Prabhupad & the previous
Acaryas)
Advertisements: check them
out...
Deals for members: More amazing
deals for everyone.
At Grass Roots: topical stuff
Prasadam Recipes: To slake the
thirst of body, mind & soul
Krishna conscious - Vedikly acceptable
jokes:
- Ways of the world - Strange but true
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)<>()<>(|)<>( On the WWW
News and Views: )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)
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Check
Out The Re-Vamped Main-index page
Easier to Navigate - Faster Loading
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/index.htm
So much more
to be found there too........
---------------------------------------------------------------
The Interactive Vaishnava Calendar
page is coming along nicely:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/CalendarWhosWho-page.htm
Now you can view the FULL years 1999-2000
& 2000-2001.
All Calendar entries are explained
- Appearance or Disappearance
days etc.
View other festivals on the Calendar:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/Calendar200-2001.htm
(yes it really is 200-2001)
Bhugarbha Goswami:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/parishad16.htm
Kasisvar Pandit:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/parishad2.htm
Tulasi Shaligram vivaha:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/parishad95.htm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Check out the Ekadasi pages with
links to every Ekadasi:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/ekadasi-page.htm
Uttana EkAdasii
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/ekadasi-24.htm
-------------------------------------------------------------
Download your Vaishnava Calendar and
make a hard copy for this
year ( 2000-2001 AD - 514 Gaurabda
) from our site:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/CalendarWhosWho-page.htm
or if you can't do that and you'd like
a 2000-2001 Calendar for
your longitude, latitude and time
zone ANYWHERE in the world
I can do that for you and e-mail it
to you - FREE
Vaishnava Calendar Software 4.10
MAKE YOUR OWN CALENDAR FOR YOUR LOCATION,
no more dodgy calendars/panchangas/panjikas
from India
Astrologically/Astronomically Accurate and FREE
Please download the software from
http://welcome.to/vcal
mailto:jtcd@xtra.co.nz
----------------------------------------------------------------
Local Events:
Auckland - Snan yatra of Lord Jagannath
- 19th November
Auckland - Ratha yatra of Lord Jagannath
----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you get the Hare Krishna Newsletter
from Auckland?
If not send a message to Mother Madri
to add yourself to their list:
mailto:<madri@pamho.net>
Christchurch Temple Times:
mailto:<nitail@zfree.co.nz>
Wellington Temple Newsletter:
mailto:<prasadj@maf.govt.nz>
Visit
Your Local Hare Krishna Temple
See a full NZ list of contacts HERE
under Communities:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/index.htm
---------------------------------------------------------------
The Wellington Loft is shifting
premises. The Tory St operation wound up this weekend with a huge street
festival in Cuba Mall entitled "Divine Nature Day", in honour of Govardhan
/ Go puja, on Saturday. It was the inaugural occasion of an annual festival
sponsored and organised by the Hare Krishnas in Wellington that involved
11 different environmental groups. There were speeches and presentations,
stalls, music and of course prasadam. At the end there was a huge kirtan.
The festival went very well and everyone committed to making it an even
bigger success next year. Then on Sunday the Loft Closing party / Govardhan
festival occurred. Just under 100 guests came on the night to pay their
respect, chant and dance and take the prasadam of Sri Sri Giri-Govardhan.
All past and present Wellington Loft staff were there for the occasion,
including the devotees who are now serving in Auckland. There was a musical
drama and the kirtan was uproarious. All in all it was a very auspicious
ending for the current location and an indication that the floodwaters
of Lord Caitanya's flood of love of Godhead are rising. Currently negotiations
are underway for our new location. If any of the readers of your fine newsletter
want to find out where we'll be, they can email me on wulfpack@xtra.co.nz,
and of course I'll let you know when we get things going.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Lots of NEW
links ....HEAPS !!! New Format & Layout ...have a surf !
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/index.htm
http://welcome.to/hknetworks
-------------------------------------------------------------
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(|)<>( Words of Wisdom - Shastra
& Shastrakaras speak: )<>(|)
°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º
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For Books and shastra downloads
see Main Index, under Books:
-------------------------------------------------------------
Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya
-------------------------------------------------------------
On-line Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
http://www.prabhupada.com/bg/versus.cgi?ix
-------------------------------------------------------------
On-line 1972 McMillan edition -
Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
http://www.asitis.com/
-------------------------------------------------------------
About Bhagavad Gita:
http://www.the-gita.net
The NEW BBT Interactive Bhagavad-Gita
As It Is CD-ROM:
http://www.gitacd.com
-------------------------------------------------------------
eGroups DAILY DIGEST: Vediculture
covering all manner of topics:
http://www.eGroups.com/list/vediculture/
View the full archives, subscribe/unsubscribe,
use the
group calendar at http://www.eGroups.com/list/vediculture
--------------------------------------------------------------
BHAGAVAD-GITA 11:32
sri-bhagavan uvaca
kalo 'smi loka-ksaya-krt pravrddho
lokan samahartum iha pravrttah
rte 'pi tvam na bhavisyanti sarve
ye 'vasthitah pratyanikesu yodhah
WORD FOR WORD
sri-bhagavan uvaca--the Personality
of Godhead said; kalah--time;
asmi--I am; loka--of the worlds; ksaya-krt--the
destroyer;
pravrddhah--great; lokan--all people;
samahartum--in destroying;
iha--in this world; pravrttah--engaged;
rte--without, except for;
api--even; tvam--you; na--never; bhavisyanti--will
be; sarve--all;
ye--who; avasthitah--situated; prati-anikesu--on
the opposite sides;
yodhah--the soldiers.
TRANSLATION
The Supreme Personality of Godhead
said: Time I am, the great
destroyer of the worlds, and I have
come here to destroy all people.
With the exception of you [the Pandavas],
all the soldiers here on
both sides will be slain.
PURPORT by Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta
Swami Prabhupada:
Although Arjuna knew that Krsna was
his friend and the Supreme
Personality of Godhead, he was puzzled
by the various forms exhibited
by Krsna. Therefore he asked further
about the actual mission of this
devastating force. It is written in
the Vedas that the Supreme Truth
destroys everything, even the brahmanas.
As stated in the Katha
Upanisad (1.2.25),
yasya brahma ca ksatram ca
ubhe bhavata odanah
mrtyur yasyopasecanam
ka ittha veda yatra sah
Eventually all the brahmanas, ksatriyas
and everyone else are devoured
like a meal by the Supreme. This form
of the Supreme Lord is the
all-devouring giant, and here Krsna
presents Himself in that form of
all-devouring time. Except for a few
Pandavas, everyone who was
present on that battlefield would
be devoured by Him. Arjuna was not
in favor of the fight, and he thought
it was better not to fight; then
there would be no frustration. In
reply, the Lord is saying that even
if he did not fight, every one of
them would be destroyed, for that
was His plan. If Arjuna stopped fighting,
they would die in another
way. Death could not be checked, even
if he did not fight. In fact,
they were already dead. Time is destruction,
and all manifestations
are to be vanquished by the desire
of the Supreme Lord. That is the
law of nature.
Copyright 1983 The Bhaktivedanta Book
Trust International.
Used with permission.
Archive: http://www.cs.rice.edu/~vivek/btg/archive/
Home Page: http://www.cs.rice.edu/~vivek/btg/
Join Bhagavad Gita eGroups HERE mailto:bhagavad_gita-owner@egroups.com
----------------------------------------------------------------
A sober person who can tolerate the
urge to speak, the mind's demands, the
actions of anger and the urges of
the tongue, belly and genitals is
qualified to make disciples all over
the world.
-Rupa Gosvami, Upadesamrta
----------------------------------------------------------------
Please chant:
hare
krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare
hare
rama hare rama rama rama hare hare
.......and your life will become sublime.
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/harernam-page.htm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Leadership Principles, Determination,
Heroism, Motivational Quotes,
and Stories.
http://lead2000.freeservers.com/english/1.html
mailto:akrura@bbt.se
---------------------------------------------------------------
Words of Wisdom:
There was a rich merchant who had 4
wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and
treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing
but the best. He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He was very proud of
her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant
is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men. He
loved his 2nd wife too. She was a very considerate person, always patient
and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some
problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him
out and tide him through difficult times. Now, the merchant's 1st wife
was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining
his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However,
the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply,
he hardly took notice of her. One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long,
he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life
and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be
alone. How lonely I'll be!" Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most,
endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you.
Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!"
replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word. The answer
cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart.The sad merchant
then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now
that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied
the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you
die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold. He then asked the 2nd
wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out.
Now I need your help again.When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At
the very most, I can only send you to your grave ". The answer came like
a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated. Then a voice called
out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The
merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost
like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said,
"I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !" Actually,
we all have 4 wives in our lives .......The 4th wife is our body. No matter
how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll never
leave with us when we die. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth.
When we die, they all go to others . The 2nd wife is our family and friends.
No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest
they can stay by us is up to the grave.The 1st wife is in fact symbolic
of the consciousness, or spiritual devotion of the soul, often neglected
in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. Guess what ? It
is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's
a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until
we're on our deathbed to lament - "Oh, how I've wasted my life uselessly....",
only to come back and do it all again.......!
--------------------------------------------------------------
The Aryan Migration Theory:
Fabricating Literary Evidence
http://www.voi.org/vishal_agarwal/AMT.html
--------------------------------------------------------------
Religious Mysteries un-explained
by the mundane scientists:
http://www.sawaal.com/mystery/
--------------------------------------------------------------
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)<>(|)<>(|)<>( Deals available
for members : )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<
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---------------------------------------------------------------
As new things happen and become available
we'll keep y'll informed
about discounts and how to have access
to them - what to do.
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/index-deals4-devs.htm
This is a totally free service, we
have worked hard to organise it
please make good use of it for you
development of Krishna Seva.
Again see under Main Index:
---------------------------------------------------------------
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)<>(<>(|)<>(|)<>( Advertisements:
)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(
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Gopal's
Vegetarian Restaurant
in Auckland has now re-opened
at Level 2, 246., Queen Street., Auckland.
The hours are:
Mon - Wed 11am to 3.30pm and Thurs
- Fri 11am to 9pm.
Seating for about 65 persons
You have to come and check it out,
bring the family too when
you're late night shopping in the
City.
Mention you saw this add and claim
a FREE Fresh Fruit lassi drink
We also give a 20% discount for students
with ID.
Reservations and enquiries mailto:Radhik@voyager.co.nz
Phone: 09-306-4143.
...the menu:
$7 Real Meal Deal (
Rice, 2 Sabjis, Dahl, Halava, 2 koftas,
Chutney and Salad)
$5 Curd Steak on Rice (2 Veg
Steaks, Rice, Salad and Halava)
$10 All You Can Eat (From the
Real Meal Deal)
$4.50 On the Lite Side (Salad
and choice of Pizza or Samosa)
$6 Vegan Special (2 Tofu Steaks,
Rice and Salad)
Samosas - $2.50 each
Pizza - $2.00 per slice
Juice Bar Now Open in the restaurant,
serving fresh juices,
coffee alternatives and fresh fruit
lassis too.
You have to check
this out. Bring the family
Where???
It's on the opposite side from Aotea
Square, approx in the
middle of Queen St, near McDonalds
and opposite from Midcity
(where the cinemas used to be).
Eventually opening on Saturdays too.
Small staff at present.
Gopal's is available 4 Catering for
your special functions.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Food
For Life - Christchurch
602, Colombo Street.
Located just near the corner of Colombo
& St. Asaph streets,
100 metres north of the South City
Mall.
FFL - Has a vacancy for a manager from January 2001.
For details applicants need to contact
mailto:<jvala_nrsimha@xtra.co.nz>
( Jvala )
phone: 03-366-4464.
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/CHCH-FFL-page.htm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Make Money for You or Your Project
4 Nothing.
To turn a friend on to this mailing,
go to:
http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?29743.1
http://aff.webowner.com/info/earn.asp?29743
---------------------------------------------------------------
Personalise Your E-mail Addresses:
http://www.firstname.com/index1.html
----------------------------------------------------------------
Here's Some Programs To Allow You
To Make All Your Kirtans and Bhajan
CDs Into MP3s
http://home.nbci.com/download/list/pc/1,20,-a-0-e-1,102000.html?&search=mp3+ripper&osId=5
----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you have
any services or products to advertise here for FREE ?
----------------------------------------------------------------
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income generation, and make
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Earn money as you and your friends surf the Web.
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)<>(|)<>(|)<>( At Grass
Roots: )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(
¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
--------------------------------------------------------------
If you have any news, events, functions,
deals, etc., that you
would like to share with members of
the greater Vaishnava
community then please do so by sending
what you have to us, we
can pass them on in the next newsletter.
----------------------------------------------------------------
MAYAPUR
- WEST BENGAL FLOOD RELIEF:
Dear Maharajs, Prabhus, and Matajis.
Hare Krishna.
Please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to Srila Prabhupad.
As you may well know from news reports there is profuse flooding especially in Bengal and Bangladesh regions. To alieviate the suffering there, we are asking if anyone can send some donation to assist in the relief work and feeding the needy.
There are three methods for sending donations for flood relief in Mayapur.
1) Via Online Credit card donation.
Please go to http://www.mayapurtrust.org/flood2000.html
2) Via Bank Transfer to
Bhaktivedanta Books Inc.
Account no. 032-867-25-1993, West
Pack Bank,
33 Darlinghurst St.,
Kings Cross, NSW 2010. Australia.
Swift code: BBInc WPAC AU25
3) By sending cheques or cash directly
by post to
ISKCON Mayapur Calcutta Office
Sri Mayapur Flood Relief
31 Lake Avenue
Calcutta
700026
West Bengal,
India
Please
Visit: http://www.mayapur.org/community/flood2000/
----------------------------------------------------------------
MAHAKUMBHA
MELA - ALLAHABAD (Prayag)- 2001
First Mahakumbh of the New Karmi Millennium
Main Bathing Dates
9th January, 2001 - Paush Purnima
14th January, 2001 - Makar Sankranti
24th January, 2001 - Mauni Amavasya
29th January, 2001 - Basant Panchami
8th February, 2001 - Magh Purnima
21st February, 2001 - Mahashivaratri
For detail information - Please
write to :
Regional Tourist Officer,
U.P. Tourism,
35 - M.G. Marg,
Allahabad (U.P), India
Phone : 091-532-601873
Fax : 091-532-611374
...check the Calendar / Panchangam
/ Panjika:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/CalendarWhosWho-page.htm
--------------------------------------------------------------
¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°°¤º°`°º¤ø,,¸¸,
)<>(|)<>(|)<>( Prasadam
Recipies: )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(
¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
--------------------------------------------------------------
Okra Chowder
Mother Padma Devi Dasi
Ingredients:
6 cups water
2 potatoes,
peeled and cut in small cubed pieces
1 cup green
cabbage chopped
1 box frozen
okra
1/2 cup frozen
corn
1/4 hing (asasifitida,
replaces onion)
1 green chili
pepper sliced thin
1 bay leaf
1/4 teaspoon
nutmeg
2 tablespoon
white flour
1 tsp salt or
as desired
1/2 cup sour
cream
2 tbls chopped
fresh parsley
2 tbls butter
Boil the water over high heat in heavy
sauce pan.
Add potatoes, cabbage and bay leaf.
Reduce heat to moderate. Offer.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
SPANISH RICE
Mother Kripa Devi Dasi
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups rice
(I use basmati, but you can use any kind)
2 1/2 cups water
1/2 TBSP salt
1/2 cup butter,
unsalted.
Bring water to boil. Add rice, salt
& butter. Simmer, covered, about 20 minutes.
Turn heat off and let sit for 20 minutes.
2 cups carrots,
grated
2 green bell
peppers, chopped
4 TBSP vegetable
oil (or use water)
2 cans (14.5
oz) diced tomatoes & their juice
1 can (8 oz)
tomato sauce
1 tsp salt
2 TBSP sugar
Chili powder
to taste (1/2 to 1 TBSP)
1 pound grated
jalapeno jack cheese
Heat oil (or water) and add carrots
& peppers. Cook briefly to soften vegetables. Turn off heat. Mix the
cooked rice and
remaining ingredients with the vegetables.
Bake 350º for about 15 minutes. Makes a very generous amount.
Offer to the Lord & Enjoy!
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
PEAR & PECAN
SALAD WITH MIXED GREENS
INGREDIENTS:
10 ounces salad
greens, torn
2 medium pears,
peeled (optional), cored and sliced
1 cup seedless
red grapes, halved
8 ounces Marie's®
Creamy Ranch Dressing
1/2 cup crumbled
blue cheese, optional
1/3 cup toasted
pecan halves
INSTRUCTIONS:
Toss greens, pears and grapes in large
bowl. Drizzle with
dressing and top with cheese and pecans
just before
serving.
Servings: 8
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Shortbread Cookies
Mother Kamagiri Devi Dasi
Ingredients:
1 cup butter
1 cup powdered
sugar
Combine these two ingredients in bowl; mix well
Add:
2 cups unbleached
flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup chopped
pecans
Mix well, roll into logs. Wrap in wax
paper and chill dough in freezer for 45 minutes.
(Dough may be kept frozen up to 4
weeks.)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cut logs into 1" slices and place on
ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 degrees 12 - 15 minutes.
Offer to the Lord and Enjoy!
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
OVER 100 EGGLESS
CAKE recipes can be found on our Main index and
on many other pages at:
http://student.anu.edu.au/Clubs/Hare_Krishna_Vegetarian_Society/cookbook.html
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Everything
you want to know about Vegetarianism and Beyond:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/Veges-Beyond5page.htm
...and always with the Magic ingredient
- Offer it to Krishna.....
...with L'n D (love and devotion)
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/How2offer.htm
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Check out heaps of information on
Vegetarianism, Prasadam-ism,
download books, Vegetarian Recipe
programs, and more.
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/Veges-Beyond5page.htm
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/vege-links1.htm
NEW - an amazing vegetarian source
guide:
http://www.vegsource.org/
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A Beginners
Guide to Vegetarianism:
http://people.qualcomm.com/sriharid/info/vegetarianism/veg.html
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How Mary
and Frank and Friends Eat - very nice Vegetarian pages:
http://www.all-creatures.org/recipes.html
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Vegetarian
recipes:
http://www.vegweb.com
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANYTHING IN
PARTICULAR - LET ME KNOW...!
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>()<>(|)<>( Krishna Conscious
- Vedikly acceptable Jokes: )<>(|)
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An overweight business associate of
mine decided it was time to
shed some excess pounds. He took his
new diet seriously, even
changing his driving route to avoid
his favorite bakery.
One morning, however, he arrived at
work carrying a gigantic
carobcake. We all scolded him, but
his smile remained cherubic.
"This is a very special carobcake,"
he explained. "I accidentally
drove by the bakery this morning and
there in the window were a
host of goodies.
I felt this was no accident, so I prayed,
'Lord, if you want me to have
one of those delicious carobcakes,
let me have a parking place
directly in front of the bakery.'"
"And sure enough," he continued,
"the eighth time around the block,
there it was!"
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A man was taking it easy, laying on
the grass and looking up at the
clouds. He was identifying shapes
when he decided to talk to God.
"God", he said, "how long is a million years?"
God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God answered, "To me, it's a like a penny of yours."
The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "Yes, my son, In a minute."
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An exhausted looking man dragged himself
in to the Doctor's office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my
neighbourhood. They bark all day
and all night, and I can't get a wink
of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor
answered, rummaging through a
drawer full of sample medications.
" Here are some new sleeping pills
that work like a dream. A few of
these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the man answered, "I'll try
anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the man returned,
looking worse than ever.
"Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more
tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could
be, said the doctor, shaking
his head. "Those are the strongest
pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the man
wearily, "but I'm still up all
night chasing those dogs and when
I finally catch one it's hell
getting him to swallow the pill!!!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=- Did
you ever wonder? =-=--=-=-=-=-=-=
...if there must be more to life than
sitting wondering if there is more to life.
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If today is the first day of the rest
of your life, what was yesterday?
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>(|)<>( The ways of this material
world - strange but true )<>(|)
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From what we get, we can make a living;
what we give, however, makes a life.
- Arthur Ashe
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This is a true story from a real newspaper,
"The Swazi Times".
"For several months, our nurses have
been baffled to find a dead patient
in the same bed every Friday morning",
a spokeswoman for the Mbabane
Government Hospital told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any
of the deaths and extensive checks
on the air conditioning system and a
search for possible bacterial infection,
failed to reveal any clues."
It seems that every Friday morning
a cleaner would enter the ward, remove
the plug that powered the patient's
life support system, plug her floor
polisher into the vacant socket, then
go about her business. When she had
finished her chores, she would plug
the life support machine back in and
leave, unaware that the patient was
now dead! She could not, after all,
hear the screams and eventual death
rattle over the whirring of her polisher!
"We are sorry and have sent a strong
letter to the cleaner in question.
Furthermore, the Swazi Health and Welfare
Department is arranging for an
electrician to fit an extra socket,
so there should be no repetition of
this incident. The inquiry is now
closed."
By the way, the headline of the newspaper
story was:
"Cleaner Polishes-Off Patients"
With thanks to Carol & Richard
Pascall of Kudu Safaris in
Zimbabwe for sharing this gem.
KUDU SAFARIS INT INC
TEL / FAX 263 11 212 899
P O BOX FM 768 FAMONA BULAWAYO
E-MAIL <kudu@telconet.co.zw>
www.kudusafaris.com
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DAGENHAM, England - With third-quarter
sales sluggish and its share of the
domestic market down 14 percent since
1993, Ford unveiled a new
instant-win airbag contest on Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous
prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary
object, will come standard in
all of the company's mid 2000 ranges.
"Car accidents have never been so
exciting," said Ford vice-president
of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects
the contest to boost 2000 sales
significantly. "When you play the
new Ford Instant Win Airbag Game,
your next fatal collision could mean
a trip for two to all England's games
in Euro 2000 & the next world
cup, or a lifetime's worth of free Esso Unleaded."
Though it does not officially begin
until July 01, 2000, the airbag
promotion is already being tested
in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car started to skid
out of control, I thought to
myself, 'Oh, boy, this could be it
- I could be a big winner', said
Cambridge's Bernard Freeman, who lost
his wife but won GBP500 on
Sunday when the Escort Si they were
driving hit an oil slick at 75 mph
and slammed into an oncoming truck.
"When the car stopped rolling down
the embankment, I knew Ellen was
dead, but all I could think about
was getting the blood and glass out
of my eyes so I could read that airbag."
"It's really addictive," said Plymouth
resident Peter Noods, speaking
from his hospital bed, where he is
listed in critical condition with
severe brain haemorrhaging and a punctured
right lung. "I've already
crashed four cars trying to win those
tickets, but I still haven't won.
I swear, I'm going to win those tickets
- even if it kills me."
Noods claimed as soon as he is well
enough, he plans to buy a new Puma
and drive it into a tree.
Ford officials are not surprised the
airbag contest has been so well received.
"In the past, nobody really liked
car crashes, and that's
understandable. After all, they're
scary and dangerous and, sometimes,
even fatal," Ford CEO Paul Offerman
said. "But now, when you drive a
new Ford car or Iveco truck, your
next serious crash could mean serious cash.
Offerman added that in the event a
motorist wins a prize but is
killed, that prize will be awarded
to the next of kin.
According to Ford's official contest
rules, odds of winning the grand
prize, a brand new Concept Car, not
to be released until 2008 are 1 in
43,000,000. Statistical experts, however,
say the real chances of
winning are significantly worse.
"If you factor in the odds of getting
in a serious car accident in the
first place - approximately 1 in 720,000
- the actual odds of winning
a prize each time you step in your
car are more like 1 in 31 trillion."
Further, even if one is in an accident,
there is no guarantee the
airbag will inflate. "I was recently
broadsided by a drunk driver in my new
Galaxy," said Cardiff resident Dick
Yaknasty.
"My car was totalled, and because
it was the side of my car that got
hit, my airbag didn't even inflate.
But what really gets me is the
fact that the drunk driver, who rammed
my side with the front of his '99
Fiesta, won a GBP1000 gift certificate.
That's just wrong!"
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You
might like to check out Krishna-conscious jokes
http://vedaveda.com/anglais/joke/deux.html
Also
check out the Humour section of the Main Index:
http://members.xoom.com/hknetworks/index.htm
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)<>(|)<>(|)<>( A Grateful
Word to our Supporters: )<>(|)<>(|)<
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