SACRED MARRIAGE
https://realfreedomblog.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/a-husbands-duty-towards-a-krsna-conscious-marriage/

A HUSBAND’S DUTY TOWARDS A KRSNA CONSCIOUS MARRIAGE

For any marriage to be successful, it is important for both husband and wife to understand and practice their duties. This is possible only when they are connected to a proper spiritual environment and have been trained/mentored by advanced devotees. Right association and assimilation is the key.

A natural quality of a real Vaishnava is to understand how much his wife is helping him in his devotional service, protecting him from maya. Then there will be true appreciation and gratitude. Quite a few people these days are misinformed on how to treat a woman/wife. Most people pick and choose quotes from Srila Prabhupada and other great devotees in our parampara – without reference to the context – to demean and insult women instead of themselves being compassionate and gentle guides.  All great Vaishnavas in our scriptures, never neglected, demeaned or made ill remarks on a woman/wife.  If a woman is not in the framework to listen and be guided, such jivas should be left alone. It is not possible to connect with the Supreme Lord whilst carrying angst and anger against womenfolk in general, for not being submissive or humble.

In Kaliyuga, we see that relationships are primarily based on ‘what’s-in-it-for-me’ principle. Most marriages in particular are sex-centered. The moment there is a deficit in this area, the marriage falls apart.  This is because the premise, the foundation of marriage is wrong.  The primary binding factor in marriage is that the couple should help one another advance in spiritual consciousness.  A good husband is expected to be caring and protective while strictly following the principles of Krishna consciousness himself. Only then will the marriage be successful. If he can provide an environment and home where his wife can be safe and happy, she can be a great asset for his material and spiritual prosperity.

A man is the leader of the family and it is important for every man to understand his roles and responsibilities – especially as a husband – to be successful – both materially and spiritually:

• A husband should be responsible for the wife’s well-being and protection in all cases.  Well-being means primarily spiritual. So he should see that his wife is practicing Krsna consciousness nicely and should guide her with love and affection even if she falters.  If the couple have child/children, then it is the husband’s primary responsibility to see that his family has no longer to come back and take a material body in this world of birth and death.  Like it is mentioned in Srimad Bhagavatan 5.5.18, in story of Lord Rishabhadeva, we can see that he instructs his hundred sons

gurur na sa syat sva-jano na sa syat
pita na sa syaj janani na sa syat
daivam na tat syan na patis ca sa syan
na mocayed yah samupeta-mrityum

“One who cannot deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother or a worshipable demigod.
• The husband should be himself in Krishna consciousness to be able to guide his wife properly and protect her on the spiritual platform. This is the most important duty that the husband needs to fulfill. Protection is also providing all facilities to one’s wife, which means that she need not have to worry about how and where to get the food, clothes, shelter and how to maintain the home and children. The husband must take up this duty and provide a loving and comforting environment and provide all necessities in reasonable quantities. Srila Prabhupada explains that providing for the wife and children may involve hardships on the part of the husband; the wife on her dutiful part, can make it comfortable for the husband by not demanding too much.
• A husband should be faithful to his wife; he should remain to committed to her. Srila Prabhupada explains that one should try to be a husband like Lord Ramchandra. When the Lord was searching for Mother Sita, He did not lament like an mundane materialist. He is the Supreme Personality of Godhead and He could have had many more Sitas by His internal potency. But the Lord has a message for us all in performing His pastime of rescuing Sita from the clutches of Ravana. Srila Prabhupada states that there are two morals to be learnt from this pastime: Better not to marry because so many hardships are entailed; but if one does marry, one must fulfill all duties of a husband like Lord Rama by taking pains to protect one’s wife even amidst hardships.  Not marrying doesn’t mean indulging in illicit affairs; one should remain celibate if one doesn’t wish to marry.
• The most important aspect of a marriage is that a wife should not be seen as an object of sense gratification. A marriage is not a license for sense gratification alone. It is the institution for developing and practicing spiritual consciousness. A householder should be aware that just as he belongs to Krsna, so do his wife and children – they are all the property of Krsna. The husband should therefore love and respect his wife and children as the precious and blessed properties of Krsna, who have been assigned to his care.
• A Vaishnava husband’s duty is to provide for the family and lead them in recommended spiritual practices but he is not meant to be a dictator or an autocrat. A devotee should never use sastric quotes to get back at his wife in an insensitive way. It is his obligation to protect her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Srila Prabhupada, says that women are innocent like children. They should not be given freedom and need protection. But that doesn’t mean they should be treated like slaves.
• A husband has to be especially kind and loving when the wife is pregnant. He should ensure that the entire term is peaceful, with minimal discomfort and he should encourage his wife to hear or read out to her Srimad Bhagvatam and other books of Srila Prabhupada so that the unborn child has the right samskaras. Srila Prabhupada says, “..you are now married, and you happily go on with Krsna consciousness and have Krsna conscious children. If you cannot produce Krsna conscious children, then don’t indulge in sex life; don’t bring in cats and dogs. And if you can bring Krsna conscious children, you produce one hundred children.
• A husband should be very compassionate and actively helpful when the child is born. These first couple of years is a difficult phase for the mother and she could be in lot of physical discomfort and disturbed mental state.  She also may be unable to do devotional service as regularly. This is the most crucial time for the husband to be reasonable in his expectations and give his wife the best possible support to get back on track. This needs patience, kind consideration and understanding of a woman’s limitations and how she functions.

Srila Prabhupada says in one of his lectures given on July 9th 1971, “So this system — the husband taking charge of the young girl, husband and wife in Krsna consciousness — it is very nice life. Introduce this. Everyone will be happy. There will be no unhappiness in the society”

By Divya Rupa Devi dasi

[*inputs also from Grihasta manual, desiretreenetwork.com]