Preparing for a Constellation Workshop

• Be well rested, with a clear mind and body.

Whether or not you do your own constellation, you will get a lot out of being a representative and sitting in the holding circle.

If you do your own constellation, be prepared to hold it quietly within yourself afterwards. It is usually better not to discuss it with others afterward.

Being a representative does not involve acting in any way. It is not playing a role but rather standing in a particular person's position.

• As a representative you simply report the sensations feelings & impulses that spontaneously arise in you. It is a good idea to start with physical sensations.
• There is no right or wrong, just simply reporting your own experience.
• Resist the urge to invent happy endings . It is the facilitator’s job to work toward a resolution. The process is much more effective if representatives maintain their integrity.

Preparing For your Own Constellation

Any question or concern that you bring to a constellation should be a serious matter for you. A constellation based on a trivial matter has little energy and is unlikely to be helpful.

In Doing A Constellation, Reflect on Your Family Background. It is useful to know the basic facts about your family i.e. who had special fates i.e. dying young or having difficult chronic illnesses and to think about who belongs to your family system. This information can be useful if you decide to do a constellation. But don't get frantic trying to find it all out. Often only part of this information is needed to do a constellation.

Those we might overlook, who are still part of a family system include :

1. Children, including stillborn children and those who have died early.
2. Brothers & sisters, including stillborn children and those who have died early.
3. The parents and their siblings, including stillborn children and those who have died early.
4. The grandparents,
5. Sometimes one of the great-grandparents and, at times, ancestors even further back.
6. Everybody - and this is most important - who made room to the advantage of the above members. This includes, in particular, former partners of parents or grandparents, as well as all those whose misfortune or death brought the family an advantage or gain.
7. Victims of violence and murder by any members of the family.
8. Sometimes people who have saved the life of a family member.

After Doing Your Own Constellation

Often we seem to have accurate insights into the causes of the problems that exist in our lives and with our families, while still remaining completely stuck. In a constellation we receive new insights and healing images in a non-verbal way. We absorb them directly through the senses. We see new images of our family. We even feel how these new dynamics feel in our bodies. This goes much deeper than ideas put into words. These experiences can affect our relationship with our family in a way that seems effortless. It has a profound impact that can give our lives new direction. Thoughts are quick. This kind of nourishing process moves slowly but surely through ourselves and our family system.

Don’t worry if your constellation has not reached a full resolution. Constellations are helpful more because of the movement they create rather than because of reaching good resolutions. This can create momentum for healing in real life.

Sometimes verbal processing can keep us stuck at the level of the problem, stopping us from embracing the solution. We can use analysis to distance ourselves from our direct sensory experience. Imagine enjoying a beautiful sunset. Then imagine analysing the scientific phenomena that produce such an optical event. While that may be quite useful to do in some ways, it removes us from the direct experience of the sunset. The thinking distracts us from our experience of the colours and shapes. Any experience that is not included in the intellectual discussion disappears from consciousness. For example, in this case, we may forget all about our emotional response to the sunset.

Similarly it is better not to try to analyse our own constellation. Rather it is better to replay it in our mind and especially to remember the healing movements and images, and the feelings that go with them. We can satisfy our intellectual mind by thinking about other peoples' constellations. With our own, it is better to encourage the experience to go as deep as possible. Immediately after your own constellation, spend some quiet time by yourself to allow this process to begin while the experience is still fresh.

A skilled practitioner may make suggestions that amplify or focus our healing image. This might include focusing on one particular element of the constellation such as feeling our parents physically supporting us from behind. It may also include acts to help us reincorporate a forgotten family member, such as displaying their photo in our home, visiting their grave or doing some other ritual of acknowledgement.

Other than these acts of awareness, we don't need to do anything specific with the constellation for it to have its effect. This work helps us to become more deeply connected with all the members of our family system, living and dead. The healing effects of the work unfold in their own time when we let go of the need to do something.

As a result of our constellation we come closer to holding all those who belong to our family in conscious love. We respect their fates and their burdens as their own. We can then give up the childlike loyalties where love and belonging meant living out the consequences of another’s life which have only served to entangle us. Unnecessary suffering is therefore replaced with acknowledging what actually is.

When we go home from the workshop we should be careful about telling others our experience. It is extremely difficult to explain constellations to those who have not experienced them. It is normal for many people to be skeptical about something that is so far outside of their normal experience and that is so challenging to our normal way of perceiving the world. Even if they are sympathetic, many people will try to engage you in an analytical conversation which can disconnect you from the healing image of the constellation. So it is better to wait for a while before trying to talk.

Finally whatever occurs in a constellation, usually should not be used as a recipe for your behaviour around the people represented in the constellation. Rather than that, we simply let it work within us and we may find ourselves spontaneously acting in different ways, than has been our usual past patterns. We may find ourselves getting in contact with previously distanced family members. We may find ourselves being more assertive or more conciliatory than before. Whatever the change in behaviour, it is likely that we will feel a greater sense of relaxation and connection. We may even feel more alive.

If you should have a need for a follow up talk with the facilitator please make contact with her: Heike ph. 9813629