New Zealand Hare Krishna Spiritual Resource Network Newsletter 44 Archive:
New Zealand Hare Krishna Spiritual Resource Network
Newsletter Number #0044 - April 2001 A.D.issue.

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------------------< ISKCON ki jaya >--------------------------


Please Accept My Respectful Obeisances & Best Wishes To You All

_0____, All Glories To Srila Prabhupad.

Welcome to this latest edition of the HKSRNewsletter, and our humble attempt to do some service. This newsletter now goes out to way over 1158 receivers. I trust that all is well with everyone by the Mercy of the Lord. However, if anyone would like to be removed please just send me a message requesting me to do so, and I will do it promptly. If you are receiving this from a friend, and would like to be added directly to the mailout please also let me know and I will do the needful there too. Hare Krishna. =>B-) JTCd
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WWW - news and views: Calendar Updates.

Srila Vrindavan das Thakur - Tirubhav
Varuthini Ekadasi
Srila Gadadhar Pandit - Avirbhav
Akshaya Tritiya
Chandan yatra
Jahnu saptami
Srimati Sita Devi (consort of Sri Rama) - Appearance
Srila Madhu Pandit - Tirubhav
Srimati Jahnavi Devi - Avirbhav
Mohini Ekadasii
Rukmini Dwadasi
Sri Jayananda Prabhu - Tirubhav
Sri Nrisimha Chaturdasi - App of Lord Narasimhadev

See the events on Interactive Calendar site for details:

Words of Wisdom - Shastra & Shastrakaras speak:
(Srila Prabhupad & the previous Acaryas)

Advertisements: check them out...
...Music festival
Deals for members: More amazing deals for everyone.

At Grass Roots: topical stuff

Prasadam Recipes: To slake the thirst of body, mind & soul

Krishna conscious - Vedikly acceptable jokes:
- Ways of the world - Strange but true
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Check Out The Re-Vamped Main-index page

Golden Web Award winning site 2001-2002
Easier to Navigate - Faster Loading

Lots of NEW links ....HEAPS !!! New Format & Layout ...have a surf !
NZ Hare Krishna Spiritual Resource Network Main Index:

Archana, Articles, Astrology, Audo files, Books, Calendars, Community, Downloads, E-cards, Education, Family, Food For Life, Harenama, Health, InterFaith, Iskcon, Jesus, Krishna, Lofts, Maori, Meditation, New Zealand centres, Prasadam, Questions, 4 Regulative Principles,
Srila Prabhupada, Temples world-wide, Varnashram Dharm, Vedik
Culture, Vegetarianism & Beyond, Weather, X-poses, Yoga,
Youth Forums, Z-free Internet access.......

...and H-E-A-Ps more.
So much more to be found there too... HEAPS of New sites/links
updated last on 16th April 2001
The Interactive Vaishnava Calendar page is completed:

Now you can view the FULL years 1999-2000 & 2000-2001 & 2001-2002.
All Calendar entries are explained - Appearance or Disappearance
days etc.

View other festivals on the Calendar:

Srila Vrindavan Dasa Thakur - Tirubhav

Varuthini Ekadasi

Srila Gadadhar Pandit - Avirbhav

Akshaya Tritiya

Chandan yatra

Jahnu saptami

Srimati Sita Devi (consort of Sri Rama) - Appearance

Srila Madhu Pandit - Tirubhav

Srimati Jahnavi Devi - Avirbhav

Mohini Ekadasii

Rukmini Dwadasi

Sri Jayananda Prabhu - Tirubhav

Sri Nrisimha Chaturdasi - App of Lord Narasimhadev

Check out the Ekadasi pages with links to every Ekadasi:
(also find out from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur
Prabhupada what is, and what constitutes a mahadwadasi)

Varuthini Ekadasi

Mohini Ekadasii

Download your Vaishnava Calendar and make a hard copy for this
year ( 2000-2001 AD - 514 Gaurabda ) from our site:

or if you can't do that and you'd like a 2000-2001 Calendar for
your longitude, latitude and time zone ANYWHERE in the world
I can do that for you and e-mail it to you - FREE

Vaishnava Calendar Software 4.10

no more dodgy calendars/panchangas/panjikas from India

Astrologically/Astronomically Accurate and FREE

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Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya
On-line Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
On-line 1972 McMillan edition - Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
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About Bhagavad Gita:

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sattvanurupa sarvasya
sraddha bhavati bharata
sraddha-mayo 'yam puruso
yo yac-chraddhah sa eva sah

sattva-anurupa--according to the existence; sarvasya--of everyone;
sraddha--faith; bhavati--becomes; bharata--O son of Bharata;
sraddha--faith; mayah--full of; ayam--this; purusah--living entity;
yah--who; yat--having which; sraddhah--faith; sah--thus;
eva--certainly; sah--he.

O son of Bharata, according to one's existence under the various modes
of nature, one evolves a particular kind of faith. The living being is
said to be of a particular faith according to the modes he has

PURPORT by HDG Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada:
Everyone has a particular type of faith, regardless of what he is. But
his faith is considered good, passionate or ignorant according to the
nature he has acquired. Thus, according to his particular type of
faith, one associates with certain persons. Now the real fact is that
every living being, as is stated in the Fifteenth Chapter, is
originally a fragmental part and parcel of the Supreme Lord. Therefore
one is originally transcendental to all the modes of material nature.
But when one forgets his relationship with the Supreme Personality of
Godhead and comes into contact with the material nature in conditional
life, he generates his own position by association with the different
varieties of material nature. The resultant artificial faith and
existence are only material. Although one may be conducted by some
impression, or some conception of life, originally he is nirguna, or
transcendental. Therefore one has to become cleansed of the material
contamination that he has acquired, in order to regain his
relationship with the Supreme Lord. That is the only path back without
fear: Krsna consciousness. If one is situated in Krsna consciousness,
then that path is guaranteed for his elevation to the perfectional
stage. If one does not take to this path of self-realization, then he
is surely to be conducted by the influence of the modes of nature.

The word sraddha, or "faith," is very significant in this verse.
Sraddha, or faith, originally comes out of the mode of goodness. One's
faith may be in a demigod (deva) or some created God or some mental
concoction. One's strong faith is supposed to be productive of works
of material goodness. But in material conditional life, no works are
completely purified. They are mixed. They are not in pure goodness.
Pure goodness is transcendental; in purified goodness one can
understand the real nature of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. As
long as one's faith is not completely in purified goodness, the faith
is subject to contamination by any of the modes of material nature.
The contaminated modes of material nature expand to the heart.
Therefore according to the position of the heart in contact with a
particular mode of material nature, one's faith is established. It
should be understood that if one's heart is in the mode of goodness
his faith is also in the mode of goodness. If his heart is in the mode
of passion, his faith is also in the mode of passion. And if his heart
is in the mode of darkness, illusion, his faith is also thus
contaminated. Thus we find different types of faith in this world, and
there are different types of religions due to different types of
faith. The real principle of religious faith is situated in the mode
of pure goodness, but because the heart is tainted we find different
types of religious principles. Thus according to different types of
faith, there are different kinds of worship.

Copyright 1983 The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust International. Used with

Home Page:

Join Bhagavad Gita eGroups HERE
If here (in this world) one is able to realize Him (God) before the death of the body,
he will be liberated from the bondage of the world.

Krishna Yajur Veda, Katha Upanishads 2:3:4.
"If someone's behavior bothers us, it is not the fault of the other person.
Instead, it is because we are on shaky ground. We must develop enough inner
strength to prevent other people's nonsense from making us nonsensical

- Bhakti-tirtha Swami
bhajan kara sadhana kara, murte janle hoy:

"Whatever bhajan and sadhana one has performed throughout his life will be
tested at the moment of death."

Bengali proverb
uttishthata jägrata präpya varän nibodhata
kshurasya dhärä nishitä duratyayä
durgam pathas tat kavayo vadanti

"Wake up and take advantage of the human form of life. Learned
transcendentalists say that the path of spiritual life is
difficult; it is sharp like a razor's edge."
(Katha Upanishad 1:3:14)
näyam ätmä pravachanena labhyo na medhayä na bahunä shrutena
yam evaisha vrinute tena labhyas tasyaisha ätmä vivrinute tanüm sväm

"The Supreme Self can never be known by any amount of argument,
reasoning, intelligence, or by much hearing. To those whom He
chooses, HOWEVER, He may reveal His personal form."
(Katha Upanishad 1:2:23)
nigama-kalpa-taror galitam phalam
suka-mukhäd amrita-drava-samyutam
pibata bhägavatam rasam älayam
muhur aho rasikä bhuvi bhävukäh

Shrimad-Bhägavatam is the essence of all Vedic literature.
It is the ripened fruit of the desire tree of Vedic knowledge.
It has been sweetened by emanating from the mouth of Sukadeva
Gosvämi. O thoughtful men, who relish transcendental mellows,
always taste this fully ripened fruit. As long as you are
aspiring to be absorbed in the transcendental bliss derived
from the Lord's loving service, you should continue tasting
Shrimad-Bhägavatam even after liberation.
(Srimad Bhägavatam - Mahabhagavat Purana. 1:1:3)

artho 'yam brahma-sütränäm bhäratärtha vinirnayah
gäyatri-bhäshya-rüpo 'sau vedärtha-paribrimhitah

The Shrimad-Bhägavatam explains the meaning of Vedänta and the
purpose of Mahäbhäräta. It reveals the inner meaning of the
Gäyatri mantra and the essence of the Vedas.
(Hari-Bhakti-Viläsa 10:394)

mui, mora bhakta, ära grantha-bhägavate
yära bheda äcche tära näsha bhälamate

Myself, My devotees, and the scripture Shrimad-Bhägavatam one
who sees any difference between these three will find that all
his intelligence has been destroyed.
(Sri Chaitanya Bhagavat Madhya-lila 18.)
Please chant:

hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare
hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare

.......and your life will become sublime.
Srila Prabhupada: "Yes, that is the understanding. I am in America [but] I
am not adopting the way of life as Americans do. So I am not in America. Not
only myself, but all my disciples who are following me, they are also not
Americans. They're different. I am in Vrindavan because wherever I go, in my
apartment or in my temple, I live with Krsna, in Krsna consciousness. And I
teach my disciples to do that also." [Bhagavad-gita lecture, December 16, 1968]
vaishnavam näradiyam cha tathä bhägavatam shubham
gärudan cha tathä pädmam väräham shubhadarshane
sättvikäni puränäni vijneyäni manishibhih
brahmy ändam brahmavaivarttam märkandeyam tathaiva cha
bhavishyam vämanam brähmam räjasäni nibodhata
mätsyam kaurmam tathä laingam shaivam skändam tathaiva cha
ägneyancha syadetäni tämasäni nibhodhata

O you of perfect vision! The self-realized sages have determined
that there are three divisions of the eighteen Puränas corresponding
to the modes of goodness, passion, and ignorance. The Vishnu,
Näradiya, Bhägavata, Garuda, Padma and Varäha Puränas are in the
mode of goodness. The Brahmända, Brahma-vaivarta, Markandeya,
Bhavishya, Vämana, and Brahma Puränas are in the mode of passion.
The six Puränas in the mode of ignorance, are Skandha, Matsya,
Kürma, Linga, Shiva, and Agni. (Brahma-vaivarta Puräna)

sättvikeshu cha kalpeshu mähätmyamadhikam hareh
räjaseshu cha mähätmyamadhikam brahmano viduh
tad-vadagneshcha mähätmyam tämaseshü shivasya cha
sankirneshu sarasvatyäh pitrinänshcha nigadyate

The Puränas in the mode of goodness glorify the Supreme Lord, Shri
Krishna; those in the mode of passion promote the glories of Lord
Brahmä, the creator of the universe; and those in the mode of
ignorance celebrate the greatness of Agni, Shiva, and Dürga. In
addition many other scriptures have different mixtures of
goodness, passion, and ignorance, and promote the worship of
demigods like Sarasvati and Lakshmi along with worship of
ancestors, and many other lower religious processes.

(Tattva-Sandarbha, annucheda 17)
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There is a place where modern technological conveniences go to die.
My place.

During the past week alone we have sent our van's fuel pump to the
automotive afterlife, our washing machine to laundry Valhalla and our home
computer through those big Windows in the sky.
They join the lifeless metallic bodies of our dishwasher, our
microwave oven and our food processor, all of which have given up the
electronic ghost during the last few months. If there were laws against
appliance abuse, I'd be public enemy number one. Thankfully, we do better
with living things -- not counting household plants, flowers, grass and
Our five children somehow manage to survive -- even thrive -- despite
all the bad feng shui and negative karma. They are all healthy, happy and
well-adjusted, give or take the occasional drama major. And that, after
all, is what really matters.
At least, that's what my wife Anita said.
"This is just stuff," she said soothingly, reassuringly, as I wrote
out a check to cover the installation of the new fuel pump.
"Yes it is," I said, my fingers still trembling. "Very expensive
stuff. Do you realize that this fuel pump is costing me more than the
first car I bought?"
She smiled playfully. "What a blessing!" she said. I looked at her curiously.
"A blessing?" I asked. "We just spent an entire freelance check on a
fuel pump, and you think it's a blessing?"
"Uh-huh," she said. "What a blessing that we had the money to cover
it!" She had a valid point -- as usual. But I couldn't let her win this easily.
"What about losing the washing machine at the same time?" I asked.
"Was that a blessing, too?"
"Sure," she said. "My brother feels good about letting us use his
machine, and I'm able to spend a little more time with him and his family
while I wash our clothes at his house. And I'm really going to appreciate
our new washer when we get it." She was good. No question about it.
Twenty-three years of living with me had given her plenty of experience at
searching for silver linings. But I knew I had her with the last one.
"And what about our computer melt-down?" I asked. "What's the
blessing in that?"
A worried look crossed her face. This was tough, no question about
it. It's like they say: everyone makes mistakes, but it takes a computer
to really foul things up. Then, suddenly, she brightened.
"You're not staying up so late working on the computer," she said, "so
you're getting a lot more sleep! That's a good thing, isn't it?"
She had me there. I had actually noticed how much better I had been
feeling the past few days, and had already attributed it to getting more
"OK, I give up -- you win!" I said. "But how do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You know -- what you're doing," I said. "Finding the blessing in the curse."
"Oh, that," she said. "It isn't hard, really. The blessing is always
there -- somewhere. You just have to look for it. Sometimes you have to
look pretty hard. But it's there."
Even at my place.

-- Joseph B Walker

The devotee is like an expert business man. When the market is up he makes
money, and when it's in recession he makes money too.

When there are challenges we turn to Krishna, having no other shelter. When
these challenges are there we can be asured that our accumulation of sinful
reactions are being cashed in, and when life "looks like easy street" knowing
potential danger to be at the door, we continue to take shelter in Him.
When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away
the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.

- Corrie Ten Boom, author and Holocaust survivor
Write the bad things that are done to you in sand,
but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.

-Arabic Proverb
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long
at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

- Helen Keller
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As new things happen and become available we'll keep y'll informed
about discounts and how to have access to them - what to do.

This is a totally free service, we have worked hard to organise it
please make good use of it for you development of Krishna Seva.
Again see under Main Index:
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Your Add HERE For FREE
Gopal's Vegetarian Restaurant
in Auckland has now re-opened
at Level 2, 246., Queen Street., Auckland.

The hours are:
Mon - Wed 11am to 3.30pm and Thurs - Fri 11am to 9pm.

Seating for about 65 persons

You have to come and check it out, bring the family too when
you're late night shopping in the City.

Mention you saw this add and claim a FREE Fresh Fruit lassi drink
We also give a 20% discount for students with ID.

Reservations and enquiries
Phone: 09-306-4143.

...the menu:
$7 Real Meal Deal (Rice, 2 Sabjis, Dahl, Halava, 2 koftas,
Chutney and Salad)
$5 Curd Steak on Rice (2 Veg Steaks, Rice, Salad and Halava)
$10 All You Can Eat (From the Real Meal Deal)
$4.50 On the Lite Side (Salad and choice of Pizza or Samosa)
$6 Vegan Special (2 Tofu Steaks, Rice and Salad)
Samosas - $2.50 each
Pizza - $2.00 per slice

Juice Bar Now Open in the restaurant, serving fresh juices,
coffee alternatives and fresh fruit lassis too.

You have to check this out. Bring the family

It's on the opposite side from Aotea Square, approx in the
middle of Queen St, near McDonalds and opposite from Midcity
(where the cinemas used to be).

Eventually opening on Saturdays too. Small staff at present.
Gopal's is available 4 Catering for your special functions.

and now Gopal's on Newmarket too:
204., Broadway, 1st Floor, Newmarket.

Ph: (09) 529 1529
Hours: Monday to Saturday
11.30am to 3.00pm and
5.00pm to 8.00pm


 From April 30 to May 5 Maharaja will present a course discussing the
establishment of "Vaisnava Village Communities", and studying the principles
of "Varnasrama". This course also, "Applied Varnasrama" will be held in evenings at Padmasambhava prabhu's home in Glendene - Auckland.

For more information contact <>
Spiritual Sky Incense & Oils etc.

New Page - check it out, its worth it.

You are warmly invited to the 2001.......
    ** Krishna Music Fest.**
  in celebration of the Lord and all His devotees

An evening of musical performances,
jamming,  dancing,  a chance to catch up with all the other devotees, and eat lots of good prasadam!
Riverhead Hall (coming from New Varsana,  past the Riverhead dairy, it's down the hill and on your right.)
Saturday 28th April, 3pm - put it in UR Diary NOW
What to bring:
A prasadam prep (offered), as well as your own plates for a shared dinner,  all musical instruments including any type of drum for a drum circle,  all your musical energy and talent,
and a gold coin donation to cover the hall hire.
If you would like do a performance or you have any queries please contact Rama at 09 412 9289 or

     ...every word is a song, every step is a dance...
    and every day is a festival!
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See our marketplace link off the main index:
Do you have any services or products to advertise here for FREE ?
If you have any news, events, functions, deals, etc., that you
would like to share with members of the greater Vaishnava
community then please do so by sending what you have to us, we
can pass them on in the next newsletter.
)<>(|)<>(|)<>( Prasadam Recipies: )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(
NEW - Free On-line Hare Krishna Cook-book:

Nippattu - nibblers

1 cup of rice flour
1/4 cup of maida
2 tbsps of soaked chana dal
2 tsps of chilli powder
1 tbsp of freshly grated ginger
salt to taste
a pinch of hing

Mix all the above ingredients except chana dal and make a dough.
Heat the oil in a frying pan on a medium setting. Take a small ball of
dough on a greased sheet of aluminum foil. press the ball gently and
take 5 to 6 chana dal and place it on the dough patti. Now pat it gently
Now, gingerly flip the foil and transfer the patti in the oil. Deep fry it
and remove them as they turn to a brown colour.

Bharda Palya (Dry curry)

Most common dish in north karnataka.
Soaked Chana Dal - 1/2 cup
Red Chillies - 2 to 3
Coriander powder - 1 tsp
jeera (cummin) powder - 1 tsp
salt ot taste
Sauteed vegetables (like, okra, bell pepper, methi (fenugreek leaf), gawar (chaulikai)

Grind the soaked chana dal and red chillies with salt, dhania powder,
jeera powder, and a pinch of hing. Add very little water if necessary.
Grind it coarse.
Heat the oil an a curry pan. Add mustards, turmeric and hing. After
mustards stop popping add any of the above mentioned vegetable and
saute them. Do not add water. Allow it to get tender and well cooked.
To this add ground chana dal paste. Mix it well and allow it to sit onthe
stove for 5 to 7 minutes. Serve hot with Chapatis.

Sabudani Thali-Peet (Tapioca thali-peet)
(Ekadasi style chapatis)

2 cups of soaked tapioca (sabudani)
1 cup of Peanut powder
1/4 cup of cooked mashed potatoes
2 to 3 Green chillies
1 tsp of Cumin seeds
1 tbsp of chopped cilantro (coriander leaf)
a pinch of hing
salt to taste

Mix the above ingredients in a mixing bowl with 1 tbsp of oil.Make a
dough (like Chapati dough) and it will be sticky.

Heat the pan (tava)on the stove top. Take the ball size tapioca mix and
pat it to a size of a thali on the tava. It shoudn't be thin nor thick. Pat
it evenly. Make 4 to 5 holes in the thalipeet and put a drop of oil in
each of the hole. After 5-8 min flip it over for a min or so.
Then transfer it to a serving dish.
Tomato Rice

Cooked Rice - 2 cups
Vegetable Oil - 2 tbsp
Cumin seeds - 1 tsp
Chana Dal - 2 tsp
Green Chillies (split in halves) - 2
Tomatoes - 1 big
Curry leaves - 15-20 leaves
Turmeric - 1/2 tsp
Hing - a pinch
Salt to taste

Heat the oil in a vessel. Add cumin seeds in the vessel. Once they
splutter add turmeric, hing, Chana Dal. Once the chana dal turns
brown add cinnamon, cloves, and bay leaves. Now, add green chillies,
tomatoes and curry leaves. Once the tomatoes are cooked add cooked
rice to it. Mix it well and garnish with cilantro.
Aloo Bonda

Bengal gram flour (Besan) -1 cup
Rice flour -1/2 cup
Salt - as required
Red chilli powder - 1/2 tsp
Baking Soda - a pinch.

For stuffing :-
Cooked potatoes - 4 medium sized
Cooked green peas - 1/2 cup
Minced green chillies - 2 tsp
Chopped coriander leaves - 2 tsp
Salt - as required
Minced Ginger (fresh) - 1 tsp

1. Prepare a thick batter by mixing Bengal gram flour (Besan), salt, red chilli powder
and soda. Mix well by adding enough water and keep aside.
2. Peel outer skin from cooked potatoes. Mash the potatoes well when it is still
warm . mix cooked green peas, minced green chillies, salt and coriander leaves. Add
minced ginger. Put this mixture aside. Take a small pan and add 1 tsp of oil and add
mustard seeds. After they are popped, add turmeric and a pinch of hing. Now, add
the mashed potato mixture and mix well in the low flame. Finally you can add a tbsp
of fresh lemon juice.
3. Make lemon sized balls from the prepared potato mixture and dip it in the
prepared besan batter and deep fry in hot oil till golden color.

Serve hot with chutney or tomato sauce.


2 small red apples, quartered and thinly sliced
2 tsp. lemon juice
2 cup thinly sliced celery
6 oz. mild Cheddar cheese, cut into small cubes
1/4 cup mayonnaise
dash of salt and pepper

Place apples in small bowl; toss with lemon juice. Add
celery and next 4 ingredients. Toss to coat. Serve on
lettuce-lined plate.
Rava Kesari
(like halava)

2 cups of roasted cream of wheat (roasted in a tbsp of ghee)
1 and 3/4 cup of sugar
1/2 tsp of saffron threads
1 and 1/2 tsp of cardamom powder
2 tbsp of cashews
2 tbsp of raisins
4 cups of whole milk/2% milk

Roast cashews and raisins in a tsp of ghee and keep it aside. Pour
required amount of milk and allow it to boil. To the boiled milk add
roasted rava. Once rava gets cooked in the milk add sugar. Then add
roasted cashews, raisins, ground cardamom, and saffron threads.
If necessary add orange food color. Allow it to boil and serve hot.
OVER 100 EGGLESS CAKE recipes can be found on our Main index and
on many other pages at:
Everything you want to know about Vegetarianism and Beyond:

...and always with the Magic ingredient - Offer it to Krishna.....
...with L'n D (love and devotion)
Check out heaps of information on Vegetarianism, Prasadam-ism,
download books, Vegetarian Recipe programs, and more.

NEW - an amazing vegetarian source guide:
A Beginners Guide to Vegetarianism:
How Mary and Frank and Friends Eat - very nice Vegetarian pages:
Vegetarian recipes:

Heaps of Quick Vegetarian Recipies:


The article reads:
"Recently, my family and I dined in a vegetarian cafe in New York City. It was very nice, and I would recommend it if only I could remember what it was called. the cafe distributed free copies of a free publication called '101 Reasons Why I am a Vegetarian' by Pamela Rice. this publication is produced by the Viva Vegie Society of New York (
This concise and well-written booklet explores health, environmental, and ethical issues. By simply stating the facts rather than using scare
tactics or passing judgments, this publication is most compelling. You can view the entire publication online:"

I highly recommend it..................! =>:-))

>()<>(|)<>( Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes: )<>(|)
I was talking to my friend from Jalundar the other day and I said,
"Hey baba, you wanna hear a good joke"
"Sure" he said
"Okay, Knock-Knock"

"Hang on'" said my friend, "There's someone at the door"
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Mukta was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking
and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to
him with a snarl, "Sir, there's no smoking in here."

"Mukta said, 'I'm not smoking lady."

"But you have a cigar in your mouth," the woman said.

"Lady," Mukta answered, "I've got on Jockey shorts, too, but I'm not riding
a horse."
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried a creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few
trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you
can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not,
as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=- Did you ever wonder? =-=--=-=-=-=-=-=
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

Son: "Who threw the eraser at the teacher?"

from Ishy
---------------------------------------------------------------- happened on PALM SUNDAY

It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, Sue's three-year-old son had to
stay home from church with a baby-sitter. When the family returned home
carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for.

"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained.

"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I didn't go, He showed up!"
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered apple pie.
The waiter brought dish with two apple pies, one larger than the other.

One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself."

The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger apple pie.

After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered
me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller apple pie!"
The other one replied, "Then what's with the weird vibes, the look, ...I mean
what are you complaining for; you have the smaller pie, don't you?"
>(|)<>( The ways of this material world - strange but true )<>(|)
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be
happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...
and that is a good thing for any man." - Socrates
A friend of mine who's a doctor was performing a complete physical, including
the visual acuity test. He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.

"Now both, " I requested.

There was silence. He said he couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what he'd been asked;
He was standing there with both his eyes covered. My friend the examiner
was laughing too hard to even finish the exam.
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

"Which one?", asked the doctor.

"The patch", He continued, "The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped
he wouldn't see....

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
IDIOTS AT WORK... (happened in Katikati 1996)
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed
me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature
to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
A plague of head lice among schoolchildren in Sofia is being tackled by
Bulgarian education authorities after youngsters started infecting themselves
to get time off school.

The craze caught on after the kids found they could automatically get three
days off school if they were found to have head lice - and then started buying
and selling them to each other in matchboxes.
Thought for the day:

Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that amateurs built the Ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
You might like to check out Krishna-conscious jokes -

Also check out the Humour section of the Main Index:
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