New Zealand Hare Krishna Spiritual Resource Network Newsletter25 Archive:
New Zealand Hare Krishna Spiritual Resource Network
Newsletter Number #0025 July 2000 A.D. issue.

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)<>(|)<   >(|)<>(
------------------<   ISKCON ki jaya  >------------------------------


( Please Accept My Respectful Obeisances & Best Wishes To You All)

_0____,  All Glories To Srila Prabhupad.

I'd like to Officially welcome everyone who is receiving this either directly from me or second or third hand from friends to our Network. Many of you will have had a chance to view our WWW-site by now - and the feedback has been appreciated. As we expand the facility of resource more pages will appear (there are well over 408 to date, and thousands of links), and with the intent of assisting you all in the smooth execution of your individual prescribed duties/services/functions in life, we will keep you updated. We now go out to over 888+ receivers. I trust that all is well with everyone by the Mercy of the Lord. However, if anyone would like to be removed please just send me a message requesting me to do so, and I will do it promptly. If you are receiving this from a friend, and would like to be added directly to the mailout please also let me know and I will do the needful there too.
Hare Krishna. =>B-) JTCd
)<>(|)<>(|)<>(     The Nectar in this Issue:     )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)

WWW - news and views: Calendar Updates.
               Deva Sayan Ekadasi
               Guru Purnima
               Srila Sanatan Gos - Tirubhav
                    Total Lunar Eclipse

Deals for members: More amazing deals for everyone.

Advertisements: check them out...
Words of Wisdom - Shastra & Shastrakaras speak:
                        (Srila Prabhupad & the previous Acaryas)
At Grass Roots: topical stuff

Prasadam Recipes: To slake the thirst of body, mind & soul
Krishna conscious - Vedikly acceptable jokes:
                        - Strange but true
)<>()<>(|)<>(   On the WWW News and Views:  )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)
The Interactive Vaishnava Calendar page is coming along nicely:

Now you can view the FULL years 1999-2000 & 2000-2001.
All Calendar entries are explained - Appearance or Disappearance days etc.
Check out the Ekadasi pages that are coming together, with links to every Ekadasi:

Deva Sayan EkAdasii
Total Lunar Eclipse - visible in NZ.

On the 16th July 2000 there's a Total Lunar Eclipse and will be visible in the Americas, the Pacific and Asia. It begins on the evening of the 16th at about 22:46 NZ time (Moon enters penumbra) and finishes around 05:04am in the early morning of the 17th July. The Umbra will go from 23:57 on the 16th to 03:53am on the 17th.

On the 31st July there is a Partial Solar Eclipse which is visible in Northern Asia, Northern West North America (northern Scandinavia, eastern Russia, Alaska, western Canada and the northwestern United States) and so not visible in New Zealand. (in Canada it will happen between 02:00 pm and 03:30 pm which is when sunset begins there - in NZ it would be evening in winter and so not possible for Solar anything)

More information on Eclipses, especially the Vaishnava perspective, can be found on our page that is found at:
Some interesting Youth and Young devotees / young Hindus sites.coming off the main index page:

See the new link to NZ Vaishnava Youth - Kiwi Conference:

                Send questions mailto:<>
Brahma-Madhwa-Gaudiya-sampradaya's Guru parampara listing:

A Who's Who...... something about everyone - their pastimes,
teachings, mission, etc. Where they fit in on the Calendar.
Download your Vaishnava Calendar and make a hard copy for this
year ( 2000-2001 AD - 514 Gaurabda ) from our site:

or if you can't do that and you'd like a 2000-2001 Calendar for
your longitude, latitude and time zone ANYWHERE in the world
I can do that for you and e-mail it to you - FREE

Vaishnava Calendar Software 4.10

no more dodgy calendars/panchangas/panjikas from India

Astrologically/Astronomically Accurate and FREE

Please download the software from       

Do you have important news to announce ? Do you want to attract new
visitors to your site ? Maybe you're opening a new site ? Or you have
products and services to offer, etc.
Please join the Vanaprastha Club at this address:
My page on the Hidden Maori Origins:

Lots of NEW links ....HEAPS !!! ...have a surf !
)<>(|)<>(|)<>(   Deals available for members :  )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<
                     Bhaktapus is no ordinary Octopus
               As well as reaching to the eight directions
           He also reaches to the zenith and nadir regions
                      ...and to the spiritual realm.
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           |\    / ,-.||,-. \   /|
           )o),/ ( ( o )( o ))\.(o(
          /o/// /| `-'\/`-' |\\\\o\
         / / |\ \(  .   ,  )/ /| \ \
         | | \o`-/   `\/'   \-'o/ | |
         \ \ `,'             `.' / /
      \.  \ `-' ,'|   /\  |`.  `-' / ,/
       \`. `.__,' /  /  \  \ `.___' ,'/
        \o\     ,' ,'    `. `.     /o/
  jgs    \o`---' ,'        `. `---'o/
          `.____,' bhaktapus `.____,'

Bhakta-pus is now reaching out with his arms to find deals, and
make advantages for devotees who want to use our network. As new
things happen and become available we'll keep y'll informed
about discounts and how to have access to them - what to do.

This is a totally free service, we have worked hard to organise it
please make good use of it for you development of Krishna Seva.
Buddhi Manta prabhu and his good wife would like to have
association of other devotee couple or family looking for a
quiet simple life on the land, so have subdivided our land.

Organic 3 acres in the "winterless north" of New Zealand.
Native bush, stream, private, peaceful.

Great house site for your dream home. At only USD $40 000.
Also opportunity for employment within devotee business.

All enquiries to Buddhi at mailto:<>
 or fax + 64 9407 6611.
Land 4 Sale:

Native Bush, Stream with waterfalls next to established devotee

1000 feet elevation overlooking the entire Bay of Plenty.
between Katikati and Tauranga in the Kaimai ranges.

For more information contact:

Air India & Air New Zealand Specials 2 India:
It Gives Us Great Pleasure To Announce That AIR INDIA AUCKLAND, has announced a very special fare to INDIA AND BACK. All BHAKTAS may use this apportunity to visit INDIA using this fare. The details are as follows:

The reduced fares FROM:
DELHI, MUMBAI AND MADRAS Which will be NZD$1499. Return.

Which will be NZD$1650. Return.



FOR FURTHER INFORMATION KINDLY CONTACT YOUR TRAVEL AGENT ( at Our Office ) or ANIL SABHARWAL Area Sales Manager, Air India, FAI Building, 214-218 Queen Street, Auckland.
Telephone: 09-303-1301
Fax: 09-303-1300




)<>(<>(|)<>(|)<>(  Advertisements:  )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)
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View Glen & Anne Harris's - Ahimsa's Revamped web-page:

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Send Fax: 08326 5122.  or ring (06) 377 7122.
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The BEST E-mail Softwares - Free downloads:,1001,3251,00.html

Download the award winning E-mail software Eudora 4.3.2 for FREE:

Loi Bazaar - the virtual marketplace - a great resource centre:
(|)<>(  Words of Wisdom - Shastra & Shastrakaras speak:  )<>(|)
 jgs          __..._  _...__
          _..-"     `Y`     "-._
         \   Om namo | bhagavate /
         \\          |         //
         \\\     VAsudevAya   ///
          \\\ _..---.|.---.._ ///
            '`              `'

On-line Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
On-line 1972 McMillan edition - Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
eGroups DAILY DIGEST: vediculture covering all manner of topics:

View the full archives, subscribe/unsubscribe, use the
group calendar at

kavim puranam anusasitaram
anor aniyamsam anusmared yah
sarvasya dhataram acintya-rupam
aditya- varnam tamasah parastat

kavim--the one who knows everything; puranam--the oldest;
anusasitaram--the controller; anoh--than the atom; aniyamsam--smaller;
anusmaret--always thinks of; yah--one who; sarvasya--of everything;
dhataram--the maintainer; acintya--inconceivable; rupam--whose form;
aditya-varnam--luminous like the sun; tamasah--to darkness;

One should meditate upon the Supreme Person as the one who knows
everything, as He who is the oldest, who is the controller, who is
smaller than the smallest, who is the maintainer of everything, who is
beyond all material conception, who is inconceivable, and who is
always a person. He is luminous like the sun, and He is
transcendental, beyond this material nature.

PURPORT by His Divine Grace Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada
The process of thinking of the Supreme is mentioned in this verse. The
foremost point is that He is not impersonal or void. One cannot
meditate on something impersonal or void. That is very difficult. The
process of thinking of Krsna, however, is very easy and is factually
stated herein. First of all, the Lord is purusa, a person--we think of
the person Rama and the person Krsna. And whether one thinks of Rama
or of Krsna, what He is like is described in this verse of
Bhagavad-gita. The Lord is kavi; that is, He knows past, present and
future and therefore knows everything. He is the oldest personality
because He is the origin of everything; everything is born out of Him.
He is also the supreme controller of the universe, and He is the
maintainer and instructor of humanity. He is smaller than the
smallest. The living entity is one ten-thousandth part of the tip of a
hair, but the Lord is so inconceivably small that He enters into the
heart of this particle. Therefore He is called smaller than the
smallest. As the Supreme, He can enter into the atom and into the
heart of the smallest and control him as the Supersoul. Although so
small, He is still all-pervading and is maintaining everything. By Him
all these planetary systems are sustained. We often wonder how these
big planets are floating in the air. It is stated here that the
Supreme Lord, by His inconceivable energy, is sustaining all these big
planets and systems of galaxies. The word acintya ("inconceivable") is very significant in this connection. God's energy is beyond our conception, beyond our thinking jurisdiction, and is therefore called inconceivable (acintya). Who can argue this point? He pervades this material world and yet is beyond it. We cannot comprehend even this material world, which is insignificant compared to the spiritual world--so how can we comprehend what is beyond?
Acintya means that which is beyond this material world, that which our
argument, logic and philosophical speculation cannot touch, that which
is inconceivable. Therefore intelligent persons, avoiding useless
argument and speculation, should accept what is stated in scriptures
like the Vedas, Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam and follow the
principles they set down. This will lead one to understanding.

Copyright 1983 The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust International. Used with

Home Page:

Join Bhagavad Gita eGroups HERE
Bhakti Rasamrita Sindhu of Srila Rupa Goswami on-line:
A humble admission:

"If I have seen farther than others it has been by standing on the shoulders of giants."

--Sir Isaac Newton-

Please chant:

hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare
        hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare

                        .......and your life will become sublime.
Chanakya Pandita says:

"A Brahmana see through the eyes of the shastra
A King see through his spies
A cow sees through its nose (for finding eatables)
but an ordinary man sees through his eyes."
"Regarding purchasing things in the market, these items are considered
as purified when we pay the price for them. That is the general instruction, but when we know something is adulterated, we should
avoid it. But unknowingly if something is purchased, that is not our fault. Things which are suspicious, however, should be avoided."
(ACBSP. 25th December 1969. letter to Krsna das. Boston.)
Here's some amazing links that we've put togetheer to heelp those of
you that either travel, or need access to shastra on your system but
may not have all the books available - now you have:

Heaps of downloadable FREE devotional books.
Krishna Books:

There was once a factory where all the workers were Hindus, and mostly Vaishnavas. The Vaishnavas had freedom, therefore, to wear their Vaishnava tilaka to work, and they also displayed other Vaishnava paraphernalia. But after some time, the factory went to new management, and then the proprietor was a Muslim. On taking over the business, the Muslim owner declared that he would not allow the workers to come to work any more wearing Vaishnava tilaka. Most of the workers obeyed, and on the given date announced by the owner, they appeared at the factory without their tilaka.  One employee, however, thought that he would take his chances and depend on Krsna. So he went to work wearing very clear, white Vaishnava tilaka. After seeing all the workers assembled, the new Muslim proprietor said, "This one devotee who has worn Vaishnava tilaka is very courageous. He may be permitted to continue wearing the tilaka to work. But all others are forbidden to wear it any more."

MORAL:  We should not unnecessarily abandon our Vaishnava culture.

See more analogies like this here:
The most amazing and wonderful Video clips of Srila Prabhupad:
and also at:
Dictionaries 4U - The Most Amazing Compilation of On-linee Dictionaries:
Govardhan Hill Publishing Web Page:
India Divine Home-page:

The Stories From the Ramayana

An introduction to the philosophy of Vedik culture:

Translation of some of the most important Vaishnava literatures:
Alien Identities Web Page:

Devotees addressing grass roots matters to help our Krishna conscious

Sriyuts HH Prahladhananda Swami, HH Bhanu Swami, HH Devamrita Swami

Downloadable from 4 FREE:

For all your shastrik / scriptural needs:
This has Gita Bhasya of Sripad Madhvacharya and other related topics.
You may visit at
A quick look @ Sripad Ananda Tirtha - Madhwacharya's points in his Panchbeda philosophy:

1.  the difference between us (tiny Jivas) and the Supreme Lord - like gold in a ring and gold in the mine - qualitatively it is the same, yet quantitatively it is different.
2.  the difference between each of us as individuals independent of each other yet co-dependent on the Lord - i.e. if I eat you are not automatically satisfied.
3.  the difference between the Lord and the material elements - Panch-bhutas; earth, water, fire, air, and ether, and yet their dependence upon Him for existance - like a coconut; coconut husk, coconut kernal, coconut meat, coconut milk, without "coconut" the elements have no existance.
4.  the difference in different kinds of material elements - sweetrice and clay although both coming from the earth and being constructed of the same elements, have individuality. the elements while being the same are in different proportions and so functionally they are different.
5.  the difference between the Jiva souls and the material elements - like our example of the computer - the computer does many of the things that a Jiva appears to do, but because there is no soul - there's only minimal dicriminative power, no real intelligence and no emotion, only pre-programed response.
Prabhupada Uvacha - Confessions of Your Personal Servant, by Srutakirti dasa
or from here
Leadership Principles, Determination, Heroism, Motivational Quotes, A STORY

"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it."

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Gosvami writes: "Look within. Amend yourself, rather than pry
into the frailties of others. When faults in others misguide and delude you - have patience, introspect, find faults in your self. Know that others cannot harm you unless you harm yourself. I wish that every selfless, tender-hearted person of the Gaudiya Math will be prepared to shed two hundred gallons of blood for the nourishment of the spiritual corpus of every individual of this world."
)<>(|)<>(|)<>(      At Grass Roots:    )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(
             _(_)_                        wWWWw   _
  @@@@      (_)@(_)  vVVVv   _      @@@@  (___) (_)_
 @@()@@ wWWWw (_)\   (___)  _(_)_  @@()@@  Y   (_)@(_)
  @@@@  (___)    `|/   Y   (_)@(_)  @@@@  \|/    (_)\
  /     Y      \|   \|/   /  (_)   \|     |/        |
\ |    \ |/      | / \ | /  \|/      |/   \|     \|/
  |//  \\|///  \\\|//\\\|/// \|///  \\\|//  \\|//  \\\|//

If you have any news, events, functions, deals, etc., that you would like to share with members of the greater Vaishnava community then please do so by sending what you have to us, we can pass them on in the next newsletter.
His Holiness Subhag Swami is in Auckland from 5th July to 11th July.

He will be conducting a seminar on Sri Chaitanya Charitamrita.

For more details
Spiritual Visions - Picture Gallery 150+ pics:
Phone (09) 815 2210, Fax (09) 815 2270, Mobile 025 204 1918,


Tuesday 9.30 pm and repeated on Wednesday 8.30 am (approx)
Saturday 8.30 a.m. and repeated on Saturday 5.30 p.m. (approx)

Sangam TV encourages and promote local talent / artists for the last ten months and expects the community to support our efforts.

Sangam TV is organising "Indian Dance & Beauty Contest" on Friday July 21, at Auckland Girls Grammer School Auditorium from 7 p.m. to 11.30 p.m.

The entry ticket is $ 15.00 per head.

Thanking you

Sangam TV                              mailto:<>
Phone:  09- 815 2210
Fax:   09- 815 2270
Mobile: 025 204 1918

P.O. Box 27 - 402, Mt. Roskill, Auckland, New Zealand.
Varieties of Cultures within India:
Sankarashan dasa, formerly
Check out this page:

Sri Nrsimhadev Martial Arts - Carterton, Wairarapa.

The Martial Arts Dojo that is centred around spiritual understanding
and development.                mailto:<>
After some nice discussion with some of our younnger devvotees we have
made a forum to inspire and assist the youth and young adults in their
development of Krishna consciousness, as well as their devotee

Please check out the page at:

If you have any suggestions, things to add you are welcome to do so.

Now we have some pages for you to check out... and interact with.

First Mahakumbh of the New Millennium

Main Bathing Dates
           9th January, 2001 - Paush Purnima
         14th January, 2001 - Makar Sankranti
         24th January, 2001 - Mauni Amavasya
         29th January, 2001 - Basant Panchami
         8th February, 2001 - Magh Purnima
       21st February, 2001 - Mahashivaratri

For detail information - Please write to :
Regional Tourist Officer,
U.P. Tourism,
35 - M.G. Marg,
Allahabad (U.P), India
Phone : 091-532-601873
Fax : 091-532-611374

...check the Calendar / Panchangam / Panjika:
)<>(|)<>(|)<>(      Prasadam Recipies:         )<>(|)<>(|)<>(|)<>(
çaréra avidyä-jäl, joòendriya tähe käl,
jéve phele viñaya-sägore
tära madhye jihwä ati, lobhamoy sudurmati,
täke jetä kaöhina saàsäre
kåñëa baro doyämoy, koriväre jihwä jay,
swa-prasäd-anna dilo bhäi
sei annämåta päo, rädhä-kåñëa-guëa gäo,
preme òäko çré caitanya-nitäi

O Lord, this material body is a place of ignorance, and the senses are a network of paths leading to death. Somehow, we have fallen into this ocean of material sense enjoyment, and of all the senses the tongue is most voracious and uncontrollable; it is very difficult to conquer the tongue in this world. But You, dear Krishna, are very kind to us and have given us such nice prasädam just to control the tongue. So now we take that prasädam to our full satisfaction and glorify You, Lord Rädhä and Krishna and in love call for the help of Lord Caitanya and Nityänanda."

1 cup raw white rice
1/2 cup urad or mung dahl (split)
1/2 cup yoghurt
2 t. salt
1/4 t. cayenne

Soak the dahl and rice overnight. Drain. Blend in an electric blender, adding salt and cayenne
with just enough water to help blending process. Pour into a bowl and add the yoghurt. Mix well.
The batter should be like any pancake batter. Lightly grease a skillet. Pour batter into nice
circles. The bottom is done while the top is still bubbling. Turn over and brown other side. This
may be served plain, or best, with tender potatoes fried in spices with a little water. It can be
served with potatoes and cabbages.

Hare Krishna cookbook 1973.


1 cup green peas
1/4 t. asafoetida
1 cup diced carrots
2 t. whole cumin seed
1 cup diced potatoes
1 t. salt
2 cups fresh string beans cut in 1 pieces
2 t. turmeric
4 T. ghee
2 whole chilis or 1/2 t. crushed chili

Put all vegetables and salt in a pot with barely enough water to cover. Bring to a boil and simmer gently until vegetables are barely tender. Set aside after draining. In a large skillet heat the ghee and add the cumin seeds. Brown the seeds until they begin to smoke. Add chilis, then, after a few seconds add spices. Add vegetables and fry until dry.

Hare Krishna cookbook 1973.

1 cup chick-pea flour
1 t. ground cumin seed
1 t. turmeric
11/2 t. ground coriander
1/2 t. each-allspice & cinnamon
3/4 t. salt
1/2 t. crushed chilis
3/4 t. baking powder
little less than 1 cup water
ghee for deep frying

Sift chick-pea flour. Add all spices, salt and baking powder. Mix with hands until blended. Add water a little at a time to avoid lumps. Heat ghee for deep frying.

plain pakora:
Pour a small amount (about 1 T.) into hot ghee. It will puff up and become similar to a ball. Turn over and brown. Tap with a spoonif it sounds hollow its done. Remove with a skimmer and drain on paper toweling. Fry several at a time.

filled pakora:
Filling: thin-sliced eggplant wedges or strips, small cauliflower flowerettes, green pepper strips, asparagus tips, parsley sprigs, thin rounds of zucchini or cucumber, carrot rounds or strips. Pieces should be no bigger than 2 long and they should be thin. Dip vegetables into batter and deep fry until golden. Remove and drain. The little fried batter drips can be removed and saved for salad or peas and peanuts.

Hare Krishna cookbook 1973.


2 cups rice
1 t. GARAM MASALA: A blend of dry-roasted and ground spices well-used in Indian cuisine. The spices used for garam masala warm the body (garam means warm). Such spices include dried chilies, black pepper, cardamom, coriander, cinnamon, cloves, and cumin. Other spices, such as ajowan, mace, nutmeg, fennel, bay leaves, ginger, and white and green pepper, as well as other ingredients, such as sesame seeds, coconut, and saffron, are also used according to the region, since Indian cooking styles vary immensely according to the geographical location. Generally, garam masala is added towards the end of cooking. It is available at Indian grocery stores.

 gram massala
1/4 cup sweet butter
1 sliced green pepper
1 cup stewed tomatoes water

Wash rice. Heat 1 t. massala in butter. Add a sliced green pepper and saute until tender. Add rice and cook until it begins to color or stick to the pan. Add tomatoes and enough water to rise 1 above the rice. Bring to the boiling point. Simmer until quiet and liquid is absorbed.

Hare Krishna cookbook 1973.


1 lb. rice flour

Mix rice flour with water to make a stiff dough. Let dough stand long enough to sour (usually one day). Then squeeze dough through a potato ricer into smoking hot ghee. Deep fry until golden brown and drain off excess ghee. Soak in sweet nectar made of 4 cups sugar and 2 cups water.

Hare Krishna cookbook 1973.


1 cup farina
1/2 cup butter
11/2 cups water
1 cup sugar
handful golden raisins

Mix water and sugar and bring to a boil. Melt butter in a pan. Toss in grain and raisins, stirring constantly at a low heat for 20-25 minutes until golden in color. Then add grain by single spoonfuls to water and sugar, which should be simmering. When all grain is added, keep on fire for 2 or 3 minutes, stirring continuously. Remove and serve hot.

Hare Krishna cookbook 1973.



These and OVER 100 other EGGLESS CAKE recipies can be found
on our Main index and on many other pages.
...and always with the Magic ingredient - Offer it to Krishna........
...with L'n D (love and devotion)

Check out heaps of information on Vegetarianism, Prasadam-ism,
download books, Vegetarian Recipie programs, and more.

NEW - an amazing vegetarian souce guide:
A Beginners Guide to Vegetarianism:
)<>()<>(|)<>(  Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes:  )<>(|)<
Sometimes great authorities will teach asat shastra, a teaching which is not actually bona fide, but is just something to beat the heads of the atheists and kick them out.  There is one story of Gopala Bhan.  He was employed by king Krsnacandra, who lived about 300 years ago in Bengal, and Gopala was the joker.  He was also very intelligent, and very bold.  There was a digvijaya pandita, who came to Bengal.  At that time, the main king or emperor of Bengal was a Muslim, but in different provinces there were also Hindu kings, and Maharaja Krsnacandra was one such Hindu king, he was king in that area of Navadvipa.  So this digvijaya pandita had been going all over India defeating all the pandits, and getting it written down, "I have defeated this one, I have defeated that one."  So he came to the Muslim emperor, saying, "I am the great digvijaya pandita, I have come now to Bengal and I'm making a challenge.  You bring your best pandita.  I will defeat him."  What he expected was that whoever he defeated had to become his disciple.  So he made a very strong challenge.  The Muslim emperor turned to his adviser and said, "What should we do?"  The minister replied, "Well, you know all our best pandits are down in Navadipa."  That was the centre of learning.  So a message was sent to Maharaja Krsnacandra that a big pandita has come to the Muslim emperor and given challenge.  "Send your best pandits, and if I defeat them they must become my disciples."  So it was very heavy for Maharaja Krsnacandra, because he knew, "The Muslim emperor is expecting that I send some pandits that can defeat him.  It is all now on my shoulders."  So then, together with his advisers, he decided to bring in the big pandits.  They  explained to the pandits what was going on, but all the pandits in Navadvipa said, "No.&n bsp; We're not getting involved in this."  They didn't want their prestige to be diminished, they were thinking, "If we go there and he defeats us then it means we have to become his disciples, and then our prestige will be diminished.  So we'll just stay out of this."  The king was very much worried, because he was a kshatriya, he cannot force Brahmins to do his will.  He can only ask, and if they say no then he's in a helpless situation.  So he was very worried.  Then Gopala Bhan came in, and saw the king sitting there very morose.  "Hey king!  What's wrong?"  "Oh Gopala, look don't bother me now."  Gopala said, "Oh, come on, What's the matter."  The king was very sober, "Look Gopala, we don't want to laugh now.  We don't want to hear jokes.  Please come back another day."  "No no," Gopala said, "Why don't you just tell me?"  " ;All right," the king said, and then he explained everything.  Then Gopala said, "All right, then I will go."  "You?" the king asked.  "Yes, I will go, and I will defeat this pandita.  No problem."  So then Gopala went home, and he dressed himself up like a big Brahmin.  Cut his hair with a big sikha, huge tilaka and a Harinam chadar, looking very bonafide.  And Brahmins used to carry their shastra in a roll, a scroll wrapped in silk cloth, under their arm.  So he was looking for something to wrap up, and he had in his house one old broken bed.  So in Bengal these beds are strips of cloth which are woven together, like a deck chair, and in Bengali they call such a bed a kata.  Because the English settled India, many English words come from the Indian language.  In English such a bed is called a cot.  So he took a leg from that old broken bed, and he wrapped in cloth.  He went back t o the king, and showed himself.  Everyone was astonished.  "Wow, he looks like a real heavy Brahmin."  He was really getting into the role.  "What is this shastra?" the king asked, and Gopala replied, "This is my Khatvanga Purana."  "But we never heard of this shastra," everyone was saying.  "When I come back I will tell you," Gopala said, and then he left.  Actually what it was, was that khata means "bed", anga means "part of" or in this case the leg, and purana means "old."  So it was "an old leg of a bed," or "Khatvanga Purana."  So this was his shastra.  Then he went to the emperors palace, and he came walking in.  "Oh, what great pandita is this?"  "My name is Gopala Bhan Das Pandit Maharaja.  I have been sent by the king Maharaja Krsnacandra to defeat this so-called digvijaya.  I am master of the four Vedas, and especially my field of expertise is the Jyotir-Veda (which includes astrology.)"  He was speaking so confidently, and he was looking fearless.  Everyone was very impressed, and even this digvijaya pandita was thinking, "He's not at all afraid of me.  He must be a heavy one."  So the digvijaya pandita saw this scripture that Gopala was carrying, and he asked, "What is this scripture, may I ask?"  "This," Gopala replied, "Is my Khatvanga Purana, of which I am a master."  The pandita was saying, "Wait a minute, I've heard of Visnu Purana, Skanda Purana.  I've never heard of Katvanga Purana.  May I see this?"  Then Gopal Bhan exclaimed, "Ohh!"  He was looking into the sky and going, "Ohhh!  I have just noticed the angle of the sun, and I am remembering now the date today.  We have just now entered a most auspicious moment, according to t he Jyotir-Veda.  Anybody who takes a hair from the head of this pandita," pointing to the digvijaya, "will immediately be granted with long life, and wealth in this lifetime, and liberation in the next.  All auspicious result will come in this life and the next, simply by taking a hair from such a great digvijaya pandita as this."  So then immediately everyone in the court ran and was taking hairs from the pandita.  The pandita was being in this way driven by Gopal, and they were taking from his beard, face and everything.  He went running and they were all chasing him.  Finally when he was gone, Gopal regained his composure from torrents of laughter.  Gopala Bhan returned to Navadipa with his head in the air.  "Don't worry King, he is gone.  That pandita has run off.  He's completely defeated, completely finished."  "Oh!" the king said.  "How did you do this?"  "As y ou were saying, I have this Katvanga Purana.   I am a master of the learning of this."  And when he opened it he showed a leg of a bed, and everyone was astonished.  Then he explained the story, and they could all understand that he had just played a big joke, that's all.  Then they asked him, "How is it that you could go so confidently, so boldly into that courtyard of the Muslim emperor, simply dressed up like a brahmin and carrying an old bed leg under your arm.  How were you so sure that you could defeat him jus by a trick?"  Gopala replied, "As soon as I heard that this pandita was going to the Muslim king and declaring that he is a great learned scholar, and that he would defeat any other scholar, then I knew that he must have been a fool.  He must have actually been a kind of rascal because what do Muslims know about Vedic learning.  Why did he go to the Muslim, why didn't he come down here or go to another Hi ndu king.  He was going to the Muslim king, so I knew that he must just be a rascal, trying to make a big show, so I did not think I had anything to fear when I went there."  MORAL: The digvijaya pandita was just actually a rascal, which means not really one who's situated on the platform of knowledge, just someone who's trying to gain some name and fame.  That's a rascal.  Rascals can be defeated by rascal means.
There was another incident with Gopal Bhan.  He was a very cunning fellow in the Mohammedan period in Bengal.  So the Mohammedan Nawab asked him, "Gopal Ban, can you prepare a Mahabharata in my name?"  "Oh yes!" Gopal replied.  "I'll engage so many pandits, and they will make a Mahabharata describing your activities, your glories, everything.  So give me one hundred thousand rupees, just to begin."  Gopal was taking more and more money.  Then the king asked him, "When will it be published?"  "Just a few days more," Gopal replied.  Then finally, "Yes sit, everything is prepared.  But one last thing is, you have to give me information about how many husbands your wife has got.  How many?"  So this was a great insult.  "What?  You nonsense!" the king exclaimed.  "No," Gopal replied, "This is the main feature of the Mahabharata .  Draupadi had five husbands, so how many husbands does your wife have?  Tell me that."  "I am the only husband!" the king shouted.  "Then how can I write Mahabharata?" Gopala asked.  "If you want Mahabharata you must tell me how many husbands your wife has.  That he cannot say, so Mahabharata finished.  And he kept the money.  MORAL:  So scientists are doing like that.  They are taking taxpayer's money, but then in the end they make up some excuse why they couldn't do it.  Politicians take votes and make so many promises, but in the end they break all their promises.
Once there was a brahmin who had the habit of day dreaming. On this occasion he had come up with the idea to laboriously make some clay pots, which he did. After dying them he brought them into the house and sat before them looking and smiling. "Mmmmmm," he said to himself, "I need a cow, then I can collect the milk of that cow in all of the pots, churn some into ghee, keep some and sell some for profit."
        As he spoke suddenly his wife came in, and took two pots away and put them over on the other side of the room. "Hey, What the ....." said the brahmin, ".....what do you think you are doing with those pots?"

"They are for my mother and sister," his wife retorted.

"I'm not giving milk from my cow to you mother and sister," the brahmin shouted. "If your sister comes here to collect milk I'll kick....!" And as he said that he kicked the pots and they all broke into pieces all over the floor.

Now Gopal Bhan happened to see what was going on and the huge argument that followed regarding how, "....just the mention of your sister, and look what has happened to my pots.......!"

Gopal thought he would resolve the matter and immediately took up a stick, and ran into the room shouting at the brahmin while beating him with the stick, "Your cow has gone into my vegetable field and has eaten all my sabjis, what do you........????"

The brahmin coming to his senses then shouted, "Wait, I don't have a cow!"

Gopal, stopped and said, "........So what's all the commotion about?"
One day the king's wife gave birth to a male child, and so the king was rejoicing.  At that moment, Gopala came into a room, and the king said, "Gopala, on this very, very happy occasion, please tell me what do you have to say?  Tell me exactly how you feel at this moment."  Gopala replied, "Frankly, at this moment, I feel very happy after passing stool."  "Gopala!  How could you say such a thing?"  The king was mortified.  "On this auspicious moment, that's all you have to say?  I'm completely disgusted.  It's not funny and I don't appreciate your humour at all."  After that, the relations between the king and Gopala were strained for some time.  But one day, Gopala was rowing the king down the river, when the king suddenly had an urgent call of nature.  Gopala said, "On this side there is a very heavy jungle area.  It's not very suitable.  Let us go a little further down and we'll find a suitable place."  The king said, "Go over to the side!"  Gopala said, "Not here.  There is danger.  Some thieves and dacoits.  Your life may be endangered.  There's a place ahead."  The king said, "Gopala, I cannot wait any longer.  Immediately go over!" Gopala had to go over and the king jumped out.  He could hardly contain himself.  When the king returned, Gopala asked him, "How are you feeling?"  The king replied, "I am feeling very happy after passing stool."  Then Gopala said, "Don't you remember?  This was exactly the situation I was in after your child was born.  When you asked me at that moment what exactly I was feeling, I was in the same situation as you are now.  I told you how I was feeling, but you thought I was insulting to your son and you never appreciated it.  Now do you understand?"
Gopala was building a new house, and according to the Vedic custom, before you open a house you have to have a sacrifice called a grha-pravesana.  This means that there is a yajna so that the house is pure and offered to God.  No one is allowed to pass any stool in the house or it will be considered contaminated.  Nothing is used by anyone until the Brahmins enter with sankirtan-yajna, reciting mantras and sprinkling Ganges water.  Thus in the Vedic culture, everything, including building a house and conceiving a child is regulated so that at every point one is conscious of Krsna.  But the king wanted to defeat Gopala, and so he offered a large reward of gold coins if anyone could outsmart Gopala and pass stool in his newly constructed house.

One day Gopala was inspecting his house when a man sent by the king came up and pretended to be suffering from an urgent call of nature.  "Gopala," he said, "I have to immediately pass stool.  Please show me your bathroom.  I cannot contain myself."  "All right," said Gopala, "come on."  He took him over to the bathroom of the newly constructed house and allowed the man to squat down inside.  But when he tried to close the door for privacy, Gopala stood there by the open door.  "Gopala, why are you standing there and not allowing me to close the door?  Why are you holding that big stick in your hand.  Gopala said, "No, you can pass stool in my bathroom, but if you pass one drop of urine I'm going to smash your head."  Then the man laughed and confessed, "You are very clever," and he ran off defeated.

No-one, not even an emperor, can be serious without relief.  But since everyone had to treat the king very respectfully, there would be one person allowed to spoof with the king.  The king would also be able to joke with him, because if the king were to do that with his prime minister, the prime minister's prestige would be reduced.  So King Krsnacandra was always engaged in a battle of wits with his joker, Gopala.
One time Gopala walked into the king's court and the king said, "Gopala, you are an ass."  "My lord," said Gopala.  "I am not an ass.  There is a difference between me and an ass."  Then Gopala measured out the difference between himself and the king and said, "Six feet."
A man rushed into the Ayurvedik doctor's office and shouted,
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded,
"Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=- Did you ever wonder? =-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=
One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
When you dream in colour it's a pigment of your imagination.
Some people say that inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out?

It may be true, but in my experience they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of cake or burfi.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
)<>(>(|)<>( The ways of this material world - strange but true )<>(|)
ABCDE dedicated to Gujarati:

American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through, Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.
During the 19th century, British soldiers stationed in India noticed that when their white service uniforms became stained by a type of mud there was a tan, camouflage effect. The locals called the mud 'khaki.'
Sayings For the Computer Age

What boots up must come down.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

Don't byte off more than you can view.

The geek shall inherit the earth.

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
)<>(|)<>(|)<>(   A Grateful Word to our Supporters:    )<>(|)<>(|)<
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