Newsletter Number #129 -  ( Nrsimha Chaturdasi issue 2004 A.D. Gaurabda 518)

ki jaya


Please Accept My Respectful Obeisances & Best Wishes To All


All Glories To Srila Prabhupad.

/ \ All Glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.

Welcome to the latest re-vamped edition of the on-line HKSRNewsletter, and our humble attempt to render some service to the devotee community. As you can see we've changed the format, and everything is here hyper-linked on-line, we hope it's now easier for you all. This newsletter now goes out to way over 2108 receivers. I trust that all is well with everyone by the Mercy of the Lord. However, if anyone would like to be removed please just send me a message requesting me to do so, and I will do it promptly. If you are receiving this from a friend, and would like to be added directly to the mailout please also let me know and I will do the needful there too. Removal and Subscription details at the very end of this newsletter.
Hare Krishna. =>B-) JTCd

The Nectar in this Issue 

From time to time articles and shlokas (verses) included in this newsletter may require the Balaram font in order to view them nicely. If you don't have the Balaram font installed on your system you can download it for free from our fonts page.

IN THIS ISSUE: (click on the hyper-linked underlined below to jump there...)
WWW - news and views: Calendar Updates & Events - Festivals, Feasts, Fasts & Functions:

See the events on Interactive Calendar site for details:
Have you got your Vaishnava Calendar for 2004-2005 ???
....ours is now on-line.

Download the Vaishnava Calendar software VCAL 4.01

Local temples

Words of Wisdom - Shastra & Shastrakaras speak:
... (Srila Prabhupad & the previous Acharyas)
... Coming Festivals
... Local temples
... Verses from Shastra
... Hare Krishna Maha Mantra
... Hare Krishna as ancient religion - NOT a cult
... Vaishnava Songs
... Samskaras and Agama Tantra
... Articles - Topical links
... Vedik revival - Vedik World Heritage

Advertisements - what's on where: check them out...
... Cyber Community Notice Board
...lastest important news items !!!!
... Hare Krishna School in Auckland
... Ayurvedic health - and seminars
... Fire Safety - Water Safety - Internet Safety
... Singles - Hare Krishna Singles - Vegetarian Singles - Marriage Compatibility checking
... FREE CD Rom
... Sri Shalagram Tirtha Pradarshini web-site and new newsletter
... Vegetarianism and Beyond site gets re-vamped
... Gaura's Place - Hamilton
... Gaura Yoga - Wellington
... The new Auckland Temple now open
... and much more

At Grass Roots: Topical stuff
... Have a Happy New Year - Gaurabda 518

Prasadam Recipes: To slake the thirst of body, mind & soul
... some really useful Vege links and support
... inspiring Vegetarian articles
... Eggless cooking - baking - cakes
... Vegetarian Cheeses - new page (try the Kapiti Stilton or Whitestone Parmesan...)(updated)
... Vegetarian clubs
... Hare Krishna Food For Life - local and international food relief
... check out the new Ekadasi recipes link
... 101 reasons to be a vegetarian
... Meat substitutes - Tofu - Soy - TVP - tempe recipes
... White Sugar free from bone char in NZ
... FREE Meet your Meat CDRoms
... How to offer your food to God
... You mean that's in the Bible?
... visit our Vegetarianism and Beyond Award winning web-site
... Kurma's new web-site
... The Meatrix

Krishna conscious - Vedikly acceptable jokes:
... cut loose have a laugh
... serious therapy in humour !!!
... did U ever wonder -  Ways of the world - Strange but true

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On the WWW News, Events and Views

New Zealand Hare Krishna
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Archana, Articles, Astrology, Audo files, Books, Calendars, Community, Downloads, E-cards, Education, Family, Food For Life, Harenama, Health, InterFaith, Iskcon, Jesus, Krishna, Lofts, Maori, Marketplace of the Holy name, Meditation, New Zealand centres, Prasadam, Questions, 4 Regulative Principles, Self Help, Srila Prabhupada, Temples world-wide, Varnashram Dharm, Vedik Culture, Vegetarianism & Beyond, Weather, X-poses, Yoga, Youth Forums, Z-free Internet access.......and much much more !!!!!

So much more to be found there too... HEAPS of New sites/links
updated last on 24th April 2004

The Interactive Vaishnava Calendar page of Fasts, Festivals, Functions and Feasts. ( )

Now you can view the FULL years 1999-2000 & 2000-2001 & 2001-2002 & 2002-2003 & 2003-2004 & 2004-2005.
All Calendar entries are explained - Appearance or Disappearance
days, festivals, fasts, feasts, etc.

View previous years festival dates on the Calendar:
Now available 2004 - 2005 Vaishnava Calendar starts March 2004

Aksaya Tritiya, Candana Yatra starts, continues for 21 days

Srimati Sita Devi (consort of Lord Rama) - Appearance - Avirbhav

Sri Madhu Pandit - Disappearance - Tirubhav

Srimati Jahnava Devi - Appearance - Avirbhav

Fasting for Mohini Ekadasi (Fasting from Beans and Grains - 1st May 2004 in NZ)

Srimati Rukmini Dvadasi

Sriman Jayananda Prabhu - Disappearance - Tirubhav - 3rd May

Sri Nrsimha Caturdasi -  Appearance of Lord Nrsimhadeva - 4th May (Fasting till dusk)

Total Lunar Eclipse  (do not cook, eat, etc. Only Chant Hare Krishna) see eclipses-page

Krsna Phula Dola, Salila Vihara

Sri Paramesvari Das Thakur - Disappearance - Tirubhav

Sri Sri Radha Ramana Devji - Appearance - Avirbhav

Sri Madhavendra Puri - Appearance - Avirbhav

Sri  Srinivasa Acarya - Appearance - Avirbhav

Buddhadev Purnima - Buddha Jayanti - Lord Buddha's Appearance day (5th May)

Sri Ramananda Raya - Disappearance - Tirubhav

Mother's Day (NZ, Aus, USA, UK)  9th May 2004 - not on the Vaishnava calendar ordinarily, but you'd better remember it, or you will next year !!!!

End of  Shalagram and Tulsi Jala Daana

Fasting for Apara Ekadasi (Fasting from Beans and Grains - 15th May 2004 in NZ)

Vrishabha Sankranti (Sun enters Taurus)

Srila Vrindavan Dasa Thakur - Appearance - Avirbhav

Srila Baladev Cidyabhushana - Disappearance - Tirubhav

Ganga Pujan

Srimati Gangamata Goswamini - Appearance - Avirbhav

Fasting for Pandava Nirjala Ekadasi (Fasting from Beans and Grains - 31st May 2004 in NZ)(fast entirely if broken ekadasi)

Panihati Chida Dahi Utsav - chipped rice festival

Snan Yatra in Jagannath Puri

Srila Mukunda Datta - Disappearance - Tirubhav

Srila Sridhara Pandita - Disappearance - Tirubhav

This year's also now available for viewing:

Check out the Ekadasi pages with links to every Ekadasi:
(also find out from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur Prabhupada what is, and what constitutes a mahadwadasi)
Find out about Dwadasi and Mahadwadasi here:


kasmad ekadasi jata tasyah ko va vidhir dvija
kada va kriyate kim va phalam kim va vadasva me

ka va pujyatama tatra devata sad-gunarnava
akurvatah syat ko dosa etan me vaktum arhasi

"Oh Gurudeva! When did Ekadasi take birth and from whom did she appear? What are the rules of fasting on the Ekadasi? Please describe the benefits of following this vow and when it should be followed. Who is the utmost worshippable presiding deity of Sri Ekadasi? What are the faults in not following Ekadasi properly? Please bestow your mercy upon me and tell about these subjects, as you are the only personality able to do so."

Find out what was said HERE:

Download your Vaishnava Calendar and make a hard copy for this
last year's ( 2003-2004 AD - 517 Gaurabda ) from our site:
This coming year ( 2004-2005 AD - 518 Gaurabda ) from our site:

Vaishnava Calendar Program Vcal 4.01 FREE Download, and make your own Calendar for 2004-2005:

or if you can't do that and you'd like a 2004-2005 Calendar for your longitude, latitude and time zone ANYWHERE in the world I can do that for you and e-mail it to you - FREE    Vaishnava Calendar Software 4.01

no more dodgy calendars/panchangas/panjikas from India

Astrologically/Astronomically Accurate and FREE

Please download the software from:

How to use the VCAL calendar program:

Here's a few Vaishnava Calendar locations around the World friends asked for us to post !!

Solar & Lunar Eclipses in 2004

Kind of Eclipse Date begins UT details
Partial Solar Eclipse April 19th 2004 13:33 29° Aries 49' 
Lunar Eclipse May 4th & 5th 2004 20:29 14° Scorpio 42' 
Partial Solar Eclipse Oct 14th 2004 2:59 21° Libra 07'
Lunar Eclipse Oct 28th 2004 3:03 05° Taurus 02' 

  For more details on Solar and Lunar Eclipses (Graha grasthah) and their effects, and what is to be done and not done during their time of influence go to our

           The NASA site  for Eclipses for 2004:

Solar and Lunar eclipse close up charts of beginnings and ending times - best charts:

Find Your Time Difference HERE:

Solar and Lunar Eclipse Simulators - FREE Downloads
VERY ACCURATE (have used for four years now):

If anyone would like a World Clock Time converting program
(140 kb) then download it here FREE:


By Drew Lawrence: Vedic Astrological Consultant

On April 19, 2004, and again on May 4, 2004, we will face two separate eclipses, a partial solar eclipse and a total lunar eclipse, respectively.

The partial solar eclipse on April 19, 2004, is a southern hemisphere event visible from southern Africa and parts of Antarctica. The partial eclipse begins at 11.29 Greenwich Mean Time (Standard Time, not Daylight Savings Time), reaches its greatest magnitude at 13.34 GMT and ends at 15.38 GMT. The partial solar eclipse will take place on the lunar day of the New Moon in the sign of Aries, according to Vedic astrological calculation. It will last about 4 hours. Eclipses of the sun always occur on the New Moon.

The total lunar eclipse will take place on May 4, 2004, and is best seen from the Eastern hemisphere. The time frame of the actual total eclipse will be 1 hour and 16 minutes. The total eclipse begins at 17.50 Greenwich Mean Time, reaches its maximum point at 20.30 GMT and ends at 23.09 GMT. The total lunar eclipse will take place on the lunar day of the Full Moon in the sign of Libra, according to Vedic astrological calculation. It will last about 5 hours. Eclipses of the moon always occur on the Full Moon.

An eclipse is generally an inauspicious event since the planets which are the luminaries, the givers of light, are overshadowed or eclipsed by other celestial bodies. In Vedic mythology and astrological calculation, we always find the presence of either lunar node, Rahu or Ketu, in conjunction with the eclipsed planet. Rahu and Ketu are known as chaya-graha in Sanskrit which means ‘shadow planets’ since their purpose is to carry and project the shadow upon the other planets. This they accomplish both on the personal or individual level and the collective or world level. Rahu and Ketu reveal the force or nature of the shadow or negative behavior pattern and its consequences so that it can be recognized, exposed to the light of day, and subsequently resolved and removed.

Eclipse effects are not typically felt during the actual time of eclipse but are triggered later on. The effects of the solar eclipse in the sign of Aries on April 19th may last for 4 years and will likely begin on May 15th when transiting Mercury reaches 5 degrees of Aries, the solar eclipse point.

The effects of the lunar eclipse in the sign of Libra on May 4th may last for 5 months and will likely begin on May 27th when transiting Mercury in the sky reaches the opposition point of 20 degrees of Aries, the lunar eclipse point.

(According to Classical Sanskrit Astrological Texts)
If there should be both solar and lunar eclipses occurring within one month of each other as in this case, kings, world leaders and political personalities will suffer destruction through the open rebellion of their armies leading to bloodshed. An eclipse which takes place while the Sun is traveling through his northern course (from mid January till mid June) will harm brahmans, that is, priests, attorneys, doctors, teachers, clergy as well as kings, political leaders and soldiers,

The PARTIAL SOLAR ECLIPSE in Aries on April 19, 2004 will likely yield the following effects worldwide: When the eclipse occurs in the fifth division of the day, four-legged animals, homosexuals, and business people will meet with difficulty. An eclipse that takes place in the southern hemisphere will harm elephants and animals who dwell in water, such as the hippopotamus or the crocodile. When the eclipse takes place in Aries, hunters, people who live in forests or who depend on the forest for their livelihood will be faced with problems. Those who use or manufacture weapons as well as those who work with fire, such as smiths, will likely face grave danger.

Since Mercury aspects the eclipsed sun, butter, honey and oil will become expensive or hard to obtain, and kings, soldiers and political leaders will suffer. People living on the east coast of countries, women, boys and learned persons will undergo hardship. However, here is the good news. Whatever untoward effects have been declared regarding the sun at the time of this eclipse, the intensity will be reduced since Jupiter’s aspect falls on the sun as well, just as a blazing fire is put out by water.

The TOTAL LUNAR ECLIPSE in Libra on May 4, 2004, will likely yield the following effects worldwide: Since the eclipse occurs around sunset, it indicates the low yield or failure of autumn crops, and kings and political leaders will come to grief. When the eclipse occurs in the seventh division of the sky, thieves and people living near borders of countries will meet with great difficulty. Since the eclipse occurs in the Eastern hemisphere, kings, political leaders and armies will be destroyed, Virtuous persons, traders and business people will be adversely affected since the eclipse occurs in the sign of Libra.

Thousands of years ago, the demons and the gods were instructed by Vishnu (God Himself) to churn the Ocean of Milk at the base of the universe in order generate the sacred soma, the nectar of immortality. When the nectar of immortality was produced, the problem was to distribute it between the gods and demons. To give it to the demons would mean to give infinite strength to those who would use it with poor judgment or from a limited, egotistical perspective.

To remedy the situation, Vishnu took the form of a beautiful damsel named Mohini (the bewilderer) and told the demons to arrange themselves in a row in order to be served their share of the nectar. In preparation for the intense experience of drinking the nectar, Mohini asked the demons to close their eyes and meditate. If anyone opened his eyes, he would lose his chance to share the nectar due to his impatience. The materialistic and self-involved demons waited and waited. Mohini distributed the nectar only to the gods.

It is generally a female divinity, a virgin, who protects and bestows divine knowledge or revelation to the lower beings. Mohini tried to teach the demons that one should not strive for physical immortality and its benefits but for the supreme knowledge that transcends all material enjoyment and sensory perception.

The demon Rahu who is thought to be a serpent-like character, had no intention of cooperating with Mohini’s plan and hid himself in the row of gods, directly between the Sun and the Moon. The Sun god passed the jug of nectar over to him and he took a drink. At that time, the Sun and Moon gods recognized him and called out to Mohini, "This is Rahu, the demon, in the midst of the row of gods!" The nectar had only gone as far as his throat when Mohini threw Her discus at him, severing his head from his body. But since the nectar was already in his head, his head became immortal like the other gods. Rahu went on to perpetually eclipse the Sun and Moon as payback for their treachery toward him. Ketu is considered to be the tail of the serpent, since Rahu and Ketu are always exactly 180 degrees apart.

In Vedic times, many thousands of years ago, it was the custom to enter a river, particularly a sacred river, such as the Ganges, or the ocean or other body of water and chant mantras and offer prayers for purification for the duration of the eclipse. Solar and lunar eclipses are generally very inauspicious, with certain rare exceptions. It is nonetheless an advantageous opportunity for fasting, prayer and worship of God. Fasting should be observed for the whole period of the eclipse in order to nullify the reactions of past negative or egocentric activities.

It is also recommended to give in charity to the poor as much as possible during the time of a lunar or solar eclipse. If you cannot afford to give in charity, then simply give charity within your mind, that is, envision yourself doing it just the way you would on the physical plane. The spiritual benefit for you will be the same.

Pregnant women should never look at an eclipse since it is thought to have a potentially negative effect on the health of the fetus.

Drew Lawrence

For more details on Solar and Lunar Eclipses (Graha grasthah) and their effects, and what is to be done and not done during their time of influence go to our

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Tuesday 4th May 2004

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Sri Nrsimha Chaturdasi -  Appearance of Lord Nrsimhadeva - 4th May (Fasting till dusk)

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Srimad Bhagavad Gita AS IT IS

Bhagavad Gita chapter: 17th - The Divisions of Faith TEXT 21

                        yat tu pratyupakarartham
                         phalam uddisya va punah
                          diyate ca pariklistam
                        tad danam rajasam smrtam

                              WORD FOR WORD
   yat--that which; tu--but; prati-upakara-artham--for the sake of getting some return; phalam--a result; uddisya--desiring; va--or; punah--again; diyate--is given; ca--also; pariklistam--grudgingly; tat--that; danam--charity; rajasam--in the mode of passion; smrtam--is understood to be.

   But charity performed with the expectation of some return, or with a desire for fruitive results, or in a grudging mood, is said to be charity in the mode of passion.

 PURPORT by HDG Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada:
   Charity is sometimes performed for elevation to the heavenly kingdom and sometimes with great trouble and with repentance afterwards: Why have I spent so much in this way? Charity is also sometimes given under some obligation, at the request of a superior. These kinds of charity are said to be given in the mode of passion.

   There are many charitable foundations which offer their gifts to institutions where sense gratification goes on. Such charities are not recommended in the Vedic scripture. Only charity in the mode of goodness is recommended.

Copyright 1983 The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust International. Used with permission.

 - His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

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Prabhupada Uvacha:
(here's some nectar, sometimes it comes in the form of Srutakirti prabhu's diary, other times from Govinda dasi's diary, or sometimes from a letter, but still nectar...)

Short Story

In a lecture, Srila Prabhupada remarked that foolish people often criticise devotees as do-nothings and weaklings, but such people do not understand the intelligence of a devotee. Therefore, a devotee does not have to heed such people. To illustrate the point, Srila Prabhupada told a story.
Some labourers were criticising the minister of the king, claiming he only sat around and did no work. The king reminded them that it took intelligence to become a minister. He said that he would give a test for everyone including the minister. Whoever could pass the test could become the next minister. The king said, "Take this big elephant, weigh him, and let me know the exact weight."
The ordinary men were baffled. Where was there a scale for weighing an elephant? They could not do anything. They came back to the king with no information. Then the king turned to his minister and asked, "Will you kindly weigh this elephant?" So in six minutes he came back and reported, "It is twenty mounds (1.920lbs)." The other men were standing open-mouthed in surprise. "How is that?" they asked. "Within six minutes he came back and he gave the exact weight!"
The king asked, "How did you weigh him? Did you get some very big scale?"
"No sir," replied the minister. "It is not possible to weigh the elephant on a scale. It is very difficult."
"Then how did you weigh it?"
"I took it on a boat. When I got him on the boat then I saw the watermark and I marked it. Then, after getting the elephant off the boat, I added weight onto the boat, and when it came to the same watermark, then I understood."
So the king addressed the labourers and cautioned them. "Now you see the difference?" They agreed, "Yes".
After telling this story, Prabhupada quoted from scripture. "Buddhir yasya balim tasya-nirbuddhes tu kuto balam: one who has got intelligence, he has strength, and one who has no intelligence, a rascal, has no strength."
Prabhupada concluded, "Scientists, atheists, and different critics of devotees are like that - rascal - fools. We don't take advice from them," said Prabhupada. "We take advice from Krsna or His representative."

- From the Nectar by HH Satsvarupa Dasa Goswami

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Please Chant:
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare

...................and be Happy

Listen to Srila Prabhupad on-line
....a different lecture, morning walk, conversation or class daily.

"Making Faith Firm"

Srimad-Bhagavatam 7.9.7
Mayapur, February 14, 1976

Listen to the entire lecture on-line:

Dayananda: (chants verse, etc.) "Translation: Prahlada Maharaja thus fixed up in his mind with full attention, the mind and sight, everything was placed in complete trance. Thus, on account of love, he began to offer his prayer in faltering voice."


astausid dharim ekagra-
manasa susamahitah
prema-gadgadaya vaca
 [SB 7.9.7]

So, this is gradual progress of spiritual mind, and this state is called prema, prema-gadgadaya. So, we have to make progress as it is exemplified by Prahlada Maharaja. Adau gurv-asrayam sad-dharma-prccha sadhu-marga-anugamanam. (aside:) Stop that. The first business is adau, in the beginning, gurv-asrayam. Gurv-asrayam means to take shelter of a bona fide spiritual master, adau gurv-asrayam, and this takes place when there is sraddha. Just like in this meeting, persons who have got little faith, they can sit down and hear. This is called sraddha. And the higher stage of sraddha is to completely accept the instruction of Krsna. In the Caitanya-caritamrta that is highest state of sraddha. In the lower stage, little faith, "So here is something going on about Krsna, let us sit down and hear it." This is kanistha-sraddha, and this sraddha, faith, has to be increased. That ultimately, in the mature stage of sraddha, faith, that is described in the Caitanya-caritamrta,

sraddha-sabde visvasa (kahe) sudrdha niscaya
krsne bhakti kaile sarva-karma krta haya
 [Cc. Madhya  22.62]

This is sraddha. Sraddha-sabde, this sraddha, faith, means sudrdha niscaya, sraddha-sabde visvasa. Krsna says

sarva-dharman parityajya
mam ekam saranam vraja
aham tvam sarva-papebhyo
 [Bg. 18.66]

This is called faith. Yes, Krsna says that simply by surrendering at His lotus feet one becomes immediately a liberated person. Krsna says that.

sarva-dharman parityajya
mam ekam saranam vraja
aham tvam sarva-papebhyo
 [Bg. 18.66]

Just like if I offer you that if you do this work, I shall give you immediately fifty thousand rupees. So, who will believe me? "This man is a beggar, sannyasi, how he'll give fifty thousand rupees?" So there is no sraddha. But we cannot do so with reference to Krsna. When Krsna says, aham tvam sarva-papebhyo moksayisyami [Bg. 18.66], that is a fact. That is not a bogus promise, because Krsna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, all-powerful. Whatever He likes, He can do. This is called faith.

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Nrsimha Bija mantra

om kshraum

ugram viram maha visnum jvalantam sarvatomukham
nrisimham bhisanam bhadram mrtyu mrtyum namamy aham

'May my head be protected by the mooncoloured one, who is the greatest among humans. My obeisances unto the ferocious and powerful, the great Visnu, the fiery one, who's faces are on all sides, the fearful one, Nrsimha, who causes the death of even death personified, (or who can overcome death)'.

tava kara-kamala-vare nakham adbhuta-srnga
keshava dhrta-narahari-rupa jaya jagadisa hare

"O Keshava! O Lord of the universe! O Lord Hari, who have assumed the form of half-man, half-lion! All glories to You! Just as one can easily crush a wasp between one's fingernails, so in the same way the body of the wasp like demon Hiranyakashipu has been ripped apart by the wonderful pointed nails on Your beautiful lotus hands." (from Sri Dasavatara-stotra, p. 97)

Srila Rupa Goswami mentions some of the benefits of worshipping a Nrsimha shalagram sila in his book, Padyavali:

"A tulasi leaf offered to the lotus feet of the Nrsimha shalagram sila destroys the sin of murder. Water that has washed the lotus feet of the Nrsimha shalagram sila destroys the sin of theft. Foodstuff offered to the Nrsimha shalagram sila destroys the sin of drinking liquor. Sincere surrender to the Nrsimha shalagram sila destroys the sin of adultery with the wife of the spiritual master. Association with the devotees of the Nrsimha shalagram sila destroys the sin of offenses to the devotees. This is the extraordinary glory of the Nrsimha shalagram sila."

[ Srila Rupa Goswami: Padyavali, Verse 116]

See Narasimha Salagrams and others HERE

om namo bhagavate nara-simhàya namas tejas-tejase àvir-àvirbhava
vajra-nakha vajra-damstra karmàshayàn r
andhaya randhaya tamo grasa grasa om svàhà.

abhayam abhayam àtmani bhùyisthà om kshraum

I offer my respectful obeisances unto Lord Nrsimhadeva, the source of all power. O my Lord who possesses nails and teeth just like thunderbolts, kindly vanquish our demonlike desires for fruitive activity in this material world. Please appear in our hearts and drive away our ignorance so that by Your mercy we may become fearless in the struggle for existence in this material world. (Srimad Bhaagavatam 5:18:8.)


mimamsamanasya samutthito 'grato
nrisimha-rupas tad alam bhayanakam


karala-damshtram karavala-cañcala-
kshuranta-jihvam bhru-kuti-bhishanam

stabdhordhva-karnam giri-kandaradbhta-
vyattasya-nasam hanu-bheda-bhishanam

divi-sprishat kayam adirgha-pivara-
grivoru-vakshah-sthalam alpa-madhyamam

candamshu-gauraish churitam tanuruhair
vishvag bhujanika-shatam nakhayudham

durasadam sarva-nijetarayudha-

Hiranyakashipu studied the form of the Lord, trying to decide who the form of Nrisimhadeva standing before him was. The Lord's form was extremely fearsome because of His angry eyes, which resembled molten gold; His shining mane, which expanded the dimensions of His fearful face; His deadly teethl and His razor-sharp tongue, which moved about like a duelling sword. His ears were erect and motionless, and His nostrils and gaping mouth appeared like caves of a mountain. His jaws parted fearfully, and His entire body touched the sky. His neck was very short and thick, His chest broad, His waist thin, and the hairs on His body as white as the rays of the moon. His arms, which resembled flanks of soldiers, spread in all directions as He killed the demons, rogues and atheists with His conchshell, disc, club, lotus and other natural weapons. [Bhag., 7.8.19-22]

om kraum

namo bhagavate nrsimhaya
jwalamaline diptadamstraya
agninetryaya sarvaraksoghnaya
sarvabhuta vinasanaya
sarva jvara vinasanaya
daha daha paca paca raksa raksa
hum pat swaha

I offer my respects to Lord Narasimhadev who has a beard of flames and eyes like pillars of fire, and who is the protector of the devotees, cut cut, burn burn, and protect protect us.

om namo bhagavate sri maha nrsimhaya
damstra kupalavudanaya grocha
rupaya vajra nakhaya jvala maline
maha vishnan pacha pacha
mama astrun vidravaya vidravaya
mama sarva rista prabhunjaya
chata chata hana hana chindi chindi
mama sarva bhistan puraya puraya
mam raksa raksa hum phat svaha

I offer my respects to the great Lord Narasimhadev. You have nails and teeth like bolts of lightning and are garlended by a mane of flames. Chopping, cutting, tearing, and killing please protect us your devotees.

om namo bhagavte narasimhaya
hiranyasipu vaksa stala vidharanaya tribhuvana-vyapakaya
bhuta prita pisacha dakhini sakhini mulon mulanaya
stambhodbhavaya samsta doshan
hara hara visara visara
pacha pacha hana hana
kampaya kampaya
hrim hrim hrim hrim
phat phat tam tam
ehi rudra yajna pataye svaha

Obeisances unto You Narasimha. You who killed the demon Hiranyakashipu, who was threatening the three worlds. You remove all impediments from devotional life like the various ghosts and witches You chase away. O Lord of sacrifice whose transcendental activities are invoked by the sacrifice of Your devotees, we sacrifice for You.

Sri Ahovalam Stotram. (to the same metre as the Brahma-samhita)

  pakshindra-shaila-bhavanam bhava-nasham isham
 vande kripa-nidhim ahobala-narasimham

"I offer my obeisances to that ocean of mercy, Ahobala Nrisimha.  He is a great swan swimming amongst the lotuses of Lakshmi's furtive glances.  He is the Supreme Lord, who puts an end to material imprisonment and who appeared from the stone of the Garuda pillar.  His body has lines of colour: both a creamy colour and the colour of rain clouds."

adyanta-shunyam ajam avyayam aprameyam
 aditya-candra-shikhi-locanam adi-devam
 vande kripa-nidhim ahobala-narasimham

"I offer my obeisances to that ocean of mercy, Ahobala Nrisimha.  He has no beginning or end. He is unborn, everlasting, and immeasurable.  He is the original God who gives brightness to the sun, moon, and to fire.  He is like a honey bee intoxicated by his passionate desire for the lotus face of Lakshmi."

 keyura-hara-mani-kundala manditangam
 vande kripa-nidhim ahobala-narasimham

"I offer my obeisances to that ocean of mercy, Ahobala Nrisimha.  He looks splendid with his thick shiny mane tied back and with his body decorated with armlets, necklaces, and jewelled ear rings.  His face is like the disc of the full moon, adorned with his crown."

varaha-vamana-nrisimha-subhagyam isham
 krida-vilola-hridayam vibhudendra-vandyam
hamsatmakam paramahamsa-mano-viharam
 vande kripa-nidhim ahobala-narasimham

"I offer my obeisances to that ocean of mercy, Ahobala Nrisimha.  He is the all-fortunate supreme Lord: Varaha, Vamana, and Nrisimha.  His heart is frolicking with his own playful pastimes.  The most intelligent persons pray to him, the Supreme soul, who fascinates the great sages."

 vrndarakalaya-vinodanam ujjvalangam
 vande kripa-nidhim ahobala-narasimham

"I offer my obeisances to that ocean of mercy, Ahobala Nrisimha.  His lotus feet are the source of the Ganges.  His body is resplendent as he enjoys himself in his superexcellent abode, and his lotus feet are bedecked with Tulasi leaves and the flowers from the heavenly coral tree."

 dhatri ramabhi ramanam mahaniya-rupam
 vande kripa-nidhim ahobala-narasimham

"I offer my obeisances to that ocean of mercy, Ahobala Nrisimha.  His most favourite thing is fresh dark Tulasi leaves.  He exhibits a magnificent form as he enjoys with his female assistants, the goddesses of fortune.  He breaks the pride of the demons by destroying Ravana, that master of magic spells."

tat-paratvena nirmalam
hrsikesa hrsikesa-
sevanam bhaktir ucyate

“‘Bhakti, or devotional service, means engaging all our senses in the service of the Lord, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the master of all the senses. When the spirit soul renders service unto the Supreme, there are two side effects. One is freed from all material designations, and one’s senses are purified simply by being employed in the service of the Lord.’

Sri Garuda-purana:  1.235.1-4  “The butter is actually present in the body of the cows. But it does not add to the strength of the cows. When the milk is taken out from the body and churned and the ghee is administered to the cows, it gives them additional strength. So also the all-pervading Vishnu (God) though present in the body too does not grant any special benefit to men without being propitiated.”

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
- Gandhi

"IN EVERY TOWN AND VILLAGE the chanting of the Holy Name of Krishna shall be heard. This was the forecast made by Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu almost 500 years ago in India. Today, as the Hare Krishna Mantra -- Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare -- resounds in Bombay and New York, Nairobi and Sydney, and in Paris and Hong Kong, the prophecy of Lord Caitanya stands fulfilled. The universal import of this "Samkirtan Movement" (the congregational chanting of the Holy Names of the Lord) was expressed by Lord Caitanya as follows:

"Glory to the Sri Krishna Samkirtan which cleanses the heart of all the dust accumulated for years together. Thus the fire of conditional life, of repeated birth and death, is extinguished. The Samkirtan Movement is the prime benediction for humanity at large because it spreads the rays of the benediction Moon. It is the life of all transcendental knowledge, it increases the ocean of transcendental bliss, and it helps us to have a taste of the full nectar for which we are always anxious."

(Every Town & Village, album cover)

On-line Virtual Arati to Sri Sri Gaura Nitai - check it out

What's So Special About Chanting Hare Krishna?
By Stephen Knapp (Sri Nandanandan dasa ACBSP):

Hare Krishna is NOT "a Cult":
Is ISKCON a Cult or part of the "Hindu Culture" or Something Else?

Hare Krishna is NOT a Cult letter by Kunti dd editor of Hare Krishna World:

38 Years of Krishna Consciousness through Iskcon.........

Very nice articles and numerous links on the About Hinduism web-site.

What is ISKCON ???

Is Iskcon a Cult?

Iskcon and Hinduism

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Agama Tantra and the Vaishnava Samskaras as a way of life:

Recently I was asked, "Don't you find it an inconvenience to always be checking to see when is the right time to do this or the best time for that?"

In simple terms my answer was and still is; if you go to the bus or railway station or airport it is probably an intelligent venture to enquire about the times and routes of vehicles than to just hope that one will be along soon, or one is going in your direction.

There are subtle influences in the Universe that for thousands of years by advanced cultures have honoured, respected and utilised. Before the corruption of the Vedik literatures by the Christian and Moslem invaders to India all these things were used; Ayurvedik Medicine; Vedik Astrology; etc. Today there's a rennaisance among many to revive these arts.

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aham kratur aham yajnah
svadhaham aham ausadham
mantro 'ham aham evajyam
aham agnir aham hutam

"But it is I who am the ritual, I the sacrifice, the offering to the ancestors, the healing herb,
the transcendental chant. I am the butter and the fire and the offering."(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita 9.16)

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ete cäàça-kaläù puàsaù
kåñëas tu bhagavän svayam
indräri-vyäkulaà lokaà
måòayanti yuge yuge

“All the lists of the incarnations of Godhead submitted herewith are either plenary expansions or parts of the plenary expansions of the Supreme Godhead, but Kåñëa is the Supreme Personality of Godhead Himself.” (Srimad Bhagavatam 1.3.28)

om am hrim kraum / om tattaka hataka-keshagra-jvalat-padoka-lochana -bhadradika nakha-sparsha divya-simha namo 'stu te

"O my Lord, O transcendental Lion, I offer my obeisances unto You along with Srimati Laxmi Devi. Sometimes flying in the sky, sometimes moving on foot, Your mane-hairs blaze with golden brilliance. Your glance and touch of You nails are the source of all auspiciousness.

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"The religious principles taught by Mohammed and Jesus Christ are similar to the religious principles taught by Vaishnava sects. Buddhism and Jainism are similar to Saiva-dharma. This is scientific consideration of truths regarding religious principles. Those who consider their own religious principles as real dharma and others religious principles as irreligion or subreligion are unable to ascertain the truth due to being influenced by prejudice. Actually religious principles followed by people in general are different only due to the different qualifications of the practitioners, but the constitutional religious principles of all living entities are one." (Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur. Sri Krsna Samhita.)

updated 21st February 2004

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Articles of Interest


After completing my education and training as a Veterinarian and then working for the government of India for 13 years in the Animal Husbandry Department, in 1995 I was finally able to start my own Goshala. Our first cow was Shyamarani and now nine years later the herd has grown to twenty-two adult milking cows and twelve calves. It has been a lot of hard work but it has been blissful at every step.

The cow as mother is an ancient concept in Indian culture, yet the vast majority of cows in India are mistreated even if they are not being sent to slaughter. The mistreatment of cows in India is usually due to either the poverty of the cows owner or just plain ignorance and lack of concern. Whenever persons from the West come to India and see the cows just loitering in the streets they are usually shocked and appalled by the sight. It is certainly embarrassing to a true follower of Indian culture that Mother India should treat Mother Cow with such indifference.

Our Goshala is striving to become the premier model for Goshalas in India and to set an example for proper cow care and protection. At present we are the only fully mosquito-proof Goshala in India. Our cows are bathed everyday and they are fed a diet of fresh grass and specially blended fodder. As a result of loving care and proper diet our cows are producing more milk and better quality milk than the average cows of their type, which are mainly Exotic Holstein Friesians.

Lord Krishna is the tender of the cows and the protector of the cows. Lord Krishna's devotees are also very fond of cows and so we invite all the devotees of Lord Krishna to please visit our and see how we are attempting to serve the cows and to please Lord Krishna.

Our website has a section for articles about cow topics and we would be very happy to post any articles written by you on the topic of cow protection, cow care, or any other cow related subjects. Please visit us soon.

Nanda Kishore

Courtesy of
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 Hare Krishna Mantra Hits Hollywood
 by Bhakta Jim Seymour -  with pictures

 Posted April 17, 2004

On Thursday March 11th and Friday March 12th in Oakland CA, about 40 Krishna devotees from the Bay Area were invited to take part in a new feature film starring Richard Gere, Juliette Binoche, Max Minghella and Kate Bosworth. The group of devotees were featured in a scene involving a rousing kirtan held at a Krishna Temple, with a few select devotees also being used in other scenes for the movie. The production will be in theatres by next winter.

Story Background

 The film, entitled "Bee Season", is based on the popular novel of the same name, written by Myla Goldberg. In the story, Richard Gere plays the father Saul, who absorbs himself in the study of Jewish Mysticism. His daughter Eliza (played by young newcomer Flora Cross), becomes a national spelling bee champion. This event starts to dramatically alter the family's comfortable existence. Saul soon begins to lavish time and affection on the blossoming Eliza, leaving his son Aaron desperately searching to find a replacement for the connections to his father and his Jewish faith.

First-time actor Max Minghella, son of "Cold Mountain" director Anthony Minghella, plays the part of Aaron. Now Aaron embarks on a type of spiritual vision quest, which leads him to meet Kate Bosworth's character Chali, who is a Hare Krishna devotee in the film. He becomes curious about her chanting the Hare Krishna Mantra on japa beads, and begins to ask her questions about the philosophy. I overheard Kate rehearsing some of her dialogue off-set, and I heard, "There are many names of God. We call Him Krishna". She later takes Aaron to the temple, where they join the devotees for an ecstatic kirtan!

 How it all came about

  The film crew initially contacted Grantharaja dasa from the Bhaktivedanta Institute at the Berkeley Krishna Temple. He in turn put them in touch with Gadadhara dasa, a recent graduate of San Francisco State's Cinema department. Gadadhara dasa then busily set out to coordinate an incredible mountain of legal and logistical details! Everything from casting to costume design to choreography was amazingly pulled together by this hard-working devotee. He even drove all the way to up to Redwood Valley in Mendocino County to bring a beautiful Murti of Srila Prabhupada down to the film set. On Thursday before the film shoot, he and I prepared an enormous amount of prasadam to be distributed to the film crew the next day. We brought lots of Krishna books to distribute as well.

 A week or so before the film shoot, Gadadhara dasa even arranged for Max Minghella, Kate Bosworth and others to meet with Hansadutta dasa, and hear from him all about Krishna Consciousness. They listened with rapt attention for over an hour and a half, being mesmerized by his expert preaching. Later they took Krishna prasadam. It was clear that they were very profoundly affected by his explanations of the chanting, the philosophy and the science of self-realization. On the day of the film shoot, I spoke with Cristina Solletti a legal clearance/Krishna devotee liaison on the crew, who commented, "Until we all got to meet with Hansadutta, no one had ever been able to so clearly articulate to us what Krishna Consciousness actually is. He made it so easy for us to understand the philosophy. It was just amazing".

 Devotees on the Set, "Lights, camera...action!"

  The actual filming of the kirtan scene was a fascinating experience for the devotees, and a very powerful experience for the film crew. Before the cameras rolled, we were summoned onto the set for a rehearsal kirtan. Locannath dasa from Berkeley did a wonderful job leading our kirtans for the filming, and as soon as we started chanting the Hare Krishna Maha-mantra, we noticed a change in the atmosphere on the set, and in the attitudes of the film crew.

 After about two or three minutes of kirtan, the dual-directing team of Scott McGhee and David Seigel (who previously directed "The Deep End") stopped everyone, looked at each other and commented, "Wow, that's really powerful. This is going to be a great shoot!" They later commented, "Your spiritual practice of chanting Hare Krishna is the most beautiful thing we have ever witnessed. Outside of some very basic choreography that we need from you, whatever you naturally do, just go for it. We want you to really let go!" And, that's just what we did. It was completely ecstatic. We actually saw a lot of the crew members chanting and dancing along with us from behind all the props and equipment!

 One really interesting thing that happened for the crew was their observation of the natural tendency for the men in the kirtan party to gravitate to the center, and for the women to remain around the outside. They stopped us a couple of times, and tried to get us to evenly mix and mingle the men and the women. One devotee commented, "You can't change nature". I spoke with Kate Bosworth several times on the film set, and she told me, "Wow, I never realized how fun the chanting and dancing could be. No wonder the devotees are always so happy when I see them out chanting in the streets!"

For those of you who don't recognize Kate's name as an actress, she played the blonde surfer in the film, "Blue Crush". I later gave Max and her some japa beads, a book on Kirtan, and then I let her choose which style and color of bead bag she wanted from an assortment I brought from Vrindavan India. Upon this, she commented, "Now I want to go to India!" I encouraged her to definitely go if she finds the time between her many movie projects.

 As mentioned earlier, some devotees got to be on the film set for two whole days, because they were cast in some other scenes for the movie besides the kirtan scene. Kuvalesaya dasa, who came all the way up from Los Angeles, was cast in a scene where he meets Richard Gere, who asks him directions to the temple. Other devotees who were cast in small scenes included Laxshmi devi dasi, Krishna Priya devi dasi, Abhaya dasa, and bhaktas Chad, Paul and Ian, who played background pedestrians and car drivers.

 "Cut. That's a wrap!"

 At the end of day two's filming, several members of the film crew unanimously commented to the devotees that, "Your presence here and your chanting scene has not only been the most fun for all of us, but it has been the most incredible part of the entire movie!" It was truly a wonderful opportunity for us to be able to meet, talk with and preach to this very nice film crew. I saw many of them on several occasions reading Srila Prabhupada's books. They were all very respectful, pious people, and they clearly appreciated the chance to intimately spend time with so many devotees.

 We were all grateful for the chance to spread the Holy Names of Krishna through the medium of a motion picture. We can only hope that the editors don't cut out too much of our all-too-brief scenes for this film! In conclusion, I'd like to mention that it was clear to all of the devotees that this event was the direct arrangement of Krishna. We agreed that "we were not the doers" of anything.

As Lord Krishna says in Bhagavad-gita, "I am the ability in man". Ki Jaya!

 Hare Krishna, and All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 Your eternal servant,
 Bhakta Jim Seymour

Family Expert Says Postmodern Kids Spiritually At Risk

U.S.A., April 19, 2004: A recent study by Duke University and the Foundation for Child Development found that the emotional and spiritual well-being of children in the U.S. has not improved since the 1980s. The study found that children today, although safer than they were nearly 30 years ago, are more likely to be obese, impoverished, suicidal and living in single-parent families. Parents tend to spend less than 40 minutes a week engaging in meaningful conversation with their children, who typically spend long hours in front of the TV, which is on in the average home some 49 hours a week. Dr. Bill Maier, vice president of Focus on the Family (a Christian group), says that is no surprise, considering how America's culture is steeped in postmodernism. "We have a very selfish, narcissistic, self-centered culture that we live in, and it's all about 'me and my rights and what makes me happy.' And in many American families, there is very little sense of a transcendent morality and there's very little sense that there's something beyond us," he says. According to the childhood development expert, when children are seeking truth and meaning in a society like America, it is no wonder these young people are suffering emotionally. He notes that the current youth suicide rates are especially troubling. Although teen suicide is the number-three killer of teenagers in the United States, Maier says an alarming new trend is emerging. We are seeing younger children--kids that are 9, 10, 11 years of age--committing suicide. Maier asserts that kids cannot survive and thrive without stability, love and lovingly imposed limits on their lives.

Courtesy of

Author Sees Violence Inherent in Monotheism
The Religion News Service

April 20, 2004: Religious differences fuel many of the world's violent conflicts, detractors and supporters of organized faith often lament in unison, says this article. Author Jonathan Kirsch narrows this charge. He blames the leading monotheistic religions--Judaism, Christianity and Islam--for much of history's bloodshed. The reason, he maintains, is their brand of monotheism with its traditional claim to exclusive possession of absolute truth. Too bad Julian the Apostate, the Roman Empire's last pagan emperor, died young in battle, says Kirsch, author of the newly published "God Against the Gods: The History of the War Between Monotheism and Polytheism." Had Julian lived longer, he might have succeeded in reinstating classical Greco-Roman polytheism, which was marginalized when Emperor Constantine the Great institutionalized Christianity's ascendancy--and world history might have turned out more benign. "Julian is one of the great 'what ifs?' of history," said Kirsch. Julian--who came to full power in 360, following Constantine's death--was a pagan counterrevolutionary who restored religious legitimacy to classical Greco-Roman polytheism. However, Kirsch emphasizes, Julian did not try to eradicate monotheism as Rome's Christian rulers had sought for polytheism. Julian instead sought to place polytheism and Christianity on equal footing.

Polytheism's core value, Kirsch writes, is theological pluralism, a stark contrast to traditional monotheism's penchant for insisting that the "One God" demands theological conformity. And religious freedom, Kirsch said in a telephone interview, paves the way for public differences of opinion on other topics as well. What is most appealing about polytheism is its openness to accommodating the faiths of others, believes Kirsch. He recounts a Buddhist aphorism to sum up his religious beliefs: "One moon, many pools. Many pools, one moon." The point, he explains, is that light from a single source can be reflected in many ways.

Courtesy of

Indian Weddings

NEW DELHI, INDIA, April 3, 2004: The popular movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," has a sequel of interest to the Indian community called "My Bigger Fatter Indian Wedding" begins this humorous article It is a very fitting sequel as Indian families cherish and love Indian weddings. As part of what the article refers to as high-context cultures, Asian family gatherings are marked by lots of touching, hugging, constant interruptions, loud decibel levels, and many things happening all together. When an American girl marries a Punjabi boy, for example, the girl's family visits India for the first time and the fun begins. The bride's family arrives on the first day of the celebrations at promptly seven p.m. because the invitation indicates that is when the festivities will start. Little do they know that seven probably means eight or nine o'clock. However, by day three of the celebrations, the Americans start to enjoy Indian culture by dressing in Indian clothes and eating Indian food. The article explains, "Even among high-context cultures, the Indian wedding stands out. It involves as much planning as the construction of a nuclear power plant -- except it costs more. And it has stubbornly withstood the winds of globalization. My family members have married an American, a Swiss, a German, even a Chinese. But did they have an American, Swiss, German or Chinese wedding? No way. It was always the great Indian wedding that prevailed." Indian weddings have maintained their resiliency through time because Indian culture centers around the family and the values that the family upholds and represents. Check out "Source" above for the full text of this entertaining and light-hearted article about Indian weddings.

Courtesy of


Dear Devotees: Please accept adiyen's humble pranam:

Please sign this petition, - We should be able to get at least 1000s of signatures on line for this, so far there is only 120.

Dear Friends,

This is in regards to mis-management of TTD at Lord Venkateshwara Temple, Tirupathi-Tirumala. We are fighting for the noble cause to protect and save our tradition, history and culture of Lord Venkateshwara.

Our parents, great Acharyas, Sastras and great leaders always tell us not to ignore the bad things happening in front of our eyes. It is your minimum duty to at least show your concerns and protest for the noble cause.

Even "Bheeshma", the great warrior of Mahabharata could not escape from the effects of keeping quite instead of protesting the ADHARAMA of Kauravas. Bheeshma is one of the great warriors who kept quiet and did nothing to protect Draupadhi (Wife of Pandavas) while being insulted by Kauravas in front of every one. Only Vidhura and Bheema protested that scandalous act.

We do not want our future generations to do the same things what we have done at Ayodhya. We dont have any cruel ruler to blame unless the current TTD management would like to be the one. We are stronger than anybody. Please join the fight and pass the message that " GOD is somthing that dwells in our heart but not in the markets".



Money donated by you all is being swindled. Temples are being destroyed. Lands are being sold by government.


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Dear Devotees,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. All glories to Sri Panca-tattva.

We are starting a new conference called Panca-tattva Nectar on PAMHO, so devotees can share their realizations and memories of the recent festival in Mayapur.

During the course of conversations, it was realized that there are so many stories out there, so many different understandings and realizations, so many small and big incidents to share, that we should endeavor to record them all and share them amongst everyone who wants to hear.

Last night, in the Deity Sewing Room upstairs from Sri Panca-tattva's altar, HG Jananivas prabhu was talking with Ramadevi mataji, the Deities' seamstress, along with Lilasamayi devi (from Italy) and Jalangi devi (from China), and myself, and there were endless stories, just between the four of us. We realized that these stories should be shared. Ramadevi suggested a conference, and Jananivas prabhu said it was a wonderful idea, so this is what we are now doing.

Please share the news with others in your zone who have returned from Mayapur, and those who did not come to Mayapur but who want to share the nectar. So many things have happened in the lives of so many devotees since the arrival of Sri Panca-tattva. It is obvious that we are entering a new phase in ISKCON, and these stories are an encouragement and an inspiration to everyone. Please write in to the conference and share the mercy...

Your servants
in Mayapur Dham

To subscribe from this mailing list, send an email to:

Pancha Tattwa Deities recently installed in Mayapur Dham 23rd February 2004
See the amazing abhishek pictures and write-ups


New Varshan Farm, Highway 28 (Coatesville-Riverhead Highway), Next to the
Huapai Golf Course, Auckland.  (Mail: ISKCON, R.D.2 Kumeu, Auckland)
Ph: (09) 412 8075, 412 7642.  Fax: (09) 412 7130

Sunday Feast programme every week 12.30 - 3.00 pm
Directors: Kalasamvara dasa, Radhikatma dasa. Temple Manager: Jaya Sila dasa

Hare Krishna!  Please pass on this news to any others who may not have
e-mail addresses.

Nrsimha Caturdasi

        Come to a wonderful Festival Evening Celebration.   Next Tuesday (May 4th) is the Appearance Day of Lord Nrsimhadeva, the half-man half-lion incarnation of the Supreme Lord, Sri Krishna.  Devotees fast until dusk, which was the time of His Appearance.  Our programme in the temple will commence with bhajans at 5.30pm, followed by a lecture at 6.00pm, and aratika at 7.00pm.  We are hoping that there may be a drama performed after the aratika and kirtan.  The Lord's transcendental Celebration Feast will be served at 8.00pm.         If you would like to read again the history of this very special incarnation, it is found in the Srimad Bhagavatam, Canto 7.  We invite sponsorship for this festival.  Please contact the office at the temple (412 8075) if you would like to be one of the sponsors.

Annual Council Meetings

         Our Auckland ISKCON Council will be meeting during the weekend of May 8th and 9th.  Council members are firstly our two GBC (Governing Body Commission) members, His Holiness Prabhavisnu Swami and His Holiness Ramai Swami.  Also on the Council are the two NZ Regional Secretaries, H H Devamrta Swami and Kalasamvara dasa, together with Radhikatma dasa and Saci-suta dasa.

        H H Prabhavisnu Maharaja arrives in Auckland on May 5th so we hope to have the opportunity to hear his lectures in the temple from that day onwards, either 7.00am morning class or 7.00pm evening.  Check with the temple - H H Ramai Swami and H H Devamrta Swami will also be scheduling class times.


Come to hear His Grace Syamasundara dasa, who is now visiting Auckland and who will be speaking (with H H Mukunda Goswami) this Saturday and Sunday. They will together share with us their remembrances of the early days of ISKCON, when both had so much close association with Srila Prabhupada.  Thisis a very rare opportunity.  Don't miss it.        Saturday (May 1st) from 7.00pm.  Sunday(May 2nd) from 4.00pm.

Rotorua Maha Harinama

        Many of our Auckland devotees are travelling to Rotorua next Saturday (May 1st) to bring the chanting of the Lord's Holy Names to the streets of Rotorua.  We leave the temple at 7.00am - buses and cars.  Lunch prasadam will be taken at the Hamilton temple on the way home.  Participants will be back in time to hear the talks with Syamasundara dasa and Mukunda Goswami.  Please phone Abhay Caran prabhu at the temple (412 7642 or 412 8075) if you plan to come.

Working Bees

        Each Second Saturday of the month is to be a "Temple Working Bee" day.  Our beautiful new temple cannot maintain itself without your help.  It is now sparkling bright, clean and new and for the Lord's pleasure we wish to keep it always that way.  Windows must be polished, weeds need to be removed, no skerrick of rubbish anywhere.   Join in these fun days with your family - guaranteed to bring you the greatest happiness because you are personally serving the Lord.  Lunch prasadam available of course.  Bringing your own garden tools, cleaning cloths etc. would be helpful.   The next Working Bee is Saturday May 8th.

Coming Ekadasi Dates

       The next observances (fasting from grains and beans) are Saturday May 1st, Saturday May 15th, and Monday May 31st.  On that last date (May 31st), - for those who try to strictly follow the Ekadasi vows - it is said that you can undertake a total fast, even from water, to make atonement if you have broken your ekadasi vows.
Do we have your correct Mailing address?
         When we send out letters to members, there are often quite a number returned - "gone, no address".  Please notify our office (Malika prabhu on 412 8075) if you have changed your address so that we can keep in touch.

In Bhagavad Gita (6.30) Lord Krishna says,
 yo mam pasyati sarvatra sarvam ca mayi pasyati
tasyaham na pranasyami sa ca me na pranasyati

"For one who sees Me everywhere and sees everything in Me, I am never lost,
 nor is he ever lost to Me."   Bhagavad Gita 6.30

Yahoo! Groups Links

To visit your group on the web, go to:

Rick the writer of the movie (far right) looks on as Bhaktivedanta Swami departs San Francisco to India, 1967

HRISIKESH - The Motion Picture
Date: Tue, 09 Mar 2004 01:35:45 -0000

Srila Prabhupada Coming To The Silver Screen


USA, Mar 5 (VNN) ­ HRISIKESH - The Motion Picture of Life Times

The extra-ordinary life story of Srila Prabhupada disciple Hrisikesa dasa is set for the Silver Screen. The 600 page pre-production Script is completed and Asia's Pacific Film Works (20th Century Fox) has given the green light. The 6th Sense director M. Night Shyamalan is under consideration to direct the movie, which will be filmed on location using local production services in California, London, Nepal, India, Thailand, and Bali.

In the movie, tentatively named Hrisikesh, His Divine Grace is a major character. Srila Prabhupada may be played by famous Indian actor, Amrish Puri (who looks very much like Srila Prabhupada). Ben Kingsley may play HDG Srila Bon Maharaj. Josh Hartnett is under consideration to play Hrisikesh. Within two years the movie may be seen on main line cinemas around the globe. Featured in this movie are reincarnation, Krishna consciousness, Srila Prabhupada, Srila Bon Maharaj, Gaudiya Vaishnava Ashram life, Gaudiya siddhanta (mostly question and answer), the subplot of tug-of-war between Srila Prabhupada and Srila Bon Maharaj is also a feature. It is also a Rock 'n' Roll movie about The Misunderstood, it is a fugitive - escape movie, it is a culture shock movie, it is a war movie, and it is a thriller!!!

First he gets murdered, then his adventure begins: This movie begins in 1947 with Hrisikesh as an 80 year old sadhu getting shot during partition riots and then reborn in America as Richard Shaw-Brown. It features Hrisikesh as a rock 'n' roll star fugitive meeting devotees in San Francisco (1967) and becoming a disciple of Srila Prabhupada; it also features the philosophy of Lord Chaitanya, and the early days of the Hare Krishna Movement, also featured will be Vrindavan, and Mount Govardhan, and Varshana, and Nandagram, and Jaipur, and Karoli, and Delhi, and Bombay, and swinging 60s London, the extraordinarily great band, The Misunderstood, and it's unfair plight and super music, and exotic Bali; also the Vietnam draft and Boot Camp (with Uncle Sam demonized as the Devil and Vietnam war as hell), state of the art technology will be used to create FX reincarnation scenes that will be a roller-coaster ride for the viewers, Shyamasundar & Mukunda Maharaj are chief characters, as is Srila Krishna Das Babaji; it is also a Katmandu movie, a 1967 Summer of Love hippy movie, and an ANTI-WAR MOVIE! It is a story of East meets West.

To read a synopsis click Richard Shaw Brown, who co-wrote the screenplay, will be a consultant in several countries to help with the story boards and other details of costumes, procedures, etc.

This is a 1st for Srila Prabhupada himself to be featured in a big budget Hollywood movie. And on the pretext of telling Hrisikesa's story, Lord Krishna's philosophy is revealed. Password holders are welcome to download the entire script as a pdf.file before it goes beyond pre-production and a line producer breaks it up into lighting script, cameras script, sets script, costumes script, above and below the line actors scripts, make up script, locations script, etc. This film should be a BIG boost for Gaudiya Vaishnavism, and help make Srila Prabhupada much more famous. Just as Mel Gibsons's Passion is reviving so much interest in Christ, so Hrisikesh can create a global revival of Srila Prabhupada and Gaudiya Siddhanta.

For more information visit the official site at

You have to check out the images:


Congrats to Krsnendu prabhu and Nilam mataji who married at the new Auckland temple on the evening of the 17th April 2004. Several hundred devotees and guests were there, who took darshan of Sri Sri Radha Giridhari and feasted on sumptuous Krishna prasadam - We all wish you well for the future.

 "Matrimony or marriage of two souls, one in female form and the other in male form, is established mainly according to Vedic injunction, for the purpose of 'dharma prajasampatya rtham' for the realisation of dharma, progeny and prosperity, (or prosperity or plentitude of these two) i.e. for the progress and happiness of dharma and progeny."(M. Ramakrishna Bhat. Essentials of Horary Astrology, page 117.)

Vivaha, is the general word used for the marriage rite, and is also broken down to the roots of its meaning, Bishesh Vhabe Vahahan Karan, or ' carry something carefully', or '...that weight which one takes great care in carrying', Vaha meaning to carry.

Transcendental Visions Videos
Two new items being offered by Prananath prabhu in CHCH

Auckland Temple Opening Video & DVD
Puspa Samadhi Festival of HH Tamal Krsna Goswami - Double DVD only

see covers below

Some Official web-sites of senior Iskcon devotees:
HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami

HH Bir-Krishna Goswami's site

HH Devamrita Swami

HH Gopal Krishna Goswami:

HH Indradyumna Swami

HH Jayapataka Swami
Many lectures by HH Jayapataka Swami and HH Radhanath Swami

HH Kadamba Kanana Swami

HH Prabhavishnu Swami

HH Prahladananda Swami

HG Prithu Prabhu:

HH Romapada Swami

HH Sacinandan Swami

HH Satswarup Goswami

HH Sivaram Swami:

HH Sridhar Swami (the late Sridhar swami)

HH Suhotra Swami
This takes the surfer to the startpage where they can see the cool animation.

HH Trivikram Swami

HG Vaiyasaki dasa Adhikari

If you know of any other senior Iskcon devotee web-sites please send their URL to us to share with others through this media

Here's a short list with some links - sadhu sanga ki jaya


The Peace Formula

The Real Peace Formula

See more on Yoga and Meditation HERE:

What's Going On Where & Adds


The New Iskcon Auckland temple now open

for more information and some wonderfrul pictures of the event see our page:

photos updated 12th March 2004

Hare KrishnaSchool & Playgroup

Krishna Conscious education for children

Hare Krishna School in Riverhead, Auckland is a government funded school that runs from 9am – 3pm five days a week. We cover all core subjects in the New Zealand Curriculum and in addition teach Sanskrit, Sastra and Vedic arts. Children who come to this school get everything that children at state schools get plus Vedic culture and values in a serene rural environment.

We also run a preschool program for children 3 and up.

A school bus service provides transport from Auckland suburbs.

For enrolment information please contact:-

Ph: 09-412-6325
Mob: 021-265-7587
Fax: 09-412-6325
Find out what the NZ Government Education Review Office thinks of the Hare Krishna School. Click the link below.$File/4204.htm?OpenElement

Balgopal Krishna Conscious Preschool in Henderson Auckland prepares children for school with a nurturing academic and character development program founded on Krishna consciousness.

 For details please contact-

Vishnupadi dasi Ph.836-1214

Gaura Yoga Centre
First floor
175, Vivian Street,

Phone:  (04) 801-5500

Learn about the Krishna conscious life-style
Learn Yoga
Learn about Vegetarianism
...all in a non-threatening friendly atmosphere.

Contact us:

Subscribe to newsletter:

Sunday Love Feasts - contact your local temple, or community for details

Harinaam Kirtan and Bhajans in Tauranga BOP.
Every Saturday in the Red Square by the Strand (or Mt. Maunganui)

Come and join the throng 11:00 am - 12:30 pm

...for more details contact Trivikrama dasa or Chaitanya Nitai dasa (for Trivikram prabhu)

Vegetarian Clubs
Waikato University - Hamilton campus

2 days per week serving about 100 plates each day.

for more information

Auckland Veda club.
Auckland University - Wellesley St. campus

Its a simple weekly program thats been running for a few years, at Clubspace,
where we have a vegetarian prasadam lunch and sometimes show a video.
Srila Prabhupada's books are available to browse or buy.

For more information contact Auckland temple:

Otago University - Dunedin - Vege Club
Room 2., Clubs & Societies Building
Albany St.,

contact Jambavati dasi (03) 477 8277



See more about Food For Life and how you can help HERE:

Food For Life - Auckland
Monday to Friday  11:00am to 8:00pm
Saturday  11:00am to 3:00pm

Catering for students, shoppers, office workers, and the needy - all will find full satisfaction for the body, mind and soul.

Saturday Evenings at “Food for Life” from 4.00pm to 6.00pm.
Come along to join in an evening of Chanting,
Philosophy and a Vegetarian Dinner.

On alternate Monday nights H.H. Mukunda Goswami will be present to speak and answer your questions.

Phone Food for Life, 268 Karangahape Road (K-rd), Auckland, for more information, (09) 300 7585

Higher Taste
Amazing Vegetarian Cuisine At Down to Earth Prices!

Organic Fruit Juices
Delicious Curries
$ 5.95
$ 7.95
$ 9.95

Hare Krishna Higher Taste Restaurant
Level 1 Will Bank Court 57 Willis St Wellington

 Phone: 0-4-472 2233

New CD of Bhaktivinoda Thakur bhajans

by Ashok Krishna das and Syamabiharini dasi

By the mercy of Guru, Gauranga and Radha Krishna, (after our first bhajan album Bhajanamrtam) we have managed to produce a new CD entitled "Bhaktivinoda", a collection of bhajans of Saccidananda Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur and other Vaisnava acaryas in Orissi classical ragas.

The CD includes 8 bhajans and a 12-page booklet with all lyrics and a translation of the songs:
Gurudeva! Kabe Mora Sei Din Habe
Hari Hari, Kabe More Hoibe Sudina
Kabe Sri Caitanya More
Narada Muni
Janama Saphala Ta'ra
Brajendranadana, Bhaje Jei Jana
Kabe Ha'be Bolo

Price, inclusive of shipping, is 15 Euros per CD. If you want to order this CD, please transfer the amount to the following account (and send us your shipping address by mail or email):

Account number 3125628, Ashok Jagram, Rotterdam, The Netherlands

Bank details: Postbank, Foreign operations, P.O. Box 1800, 1000 BV Amsterdam [Swiftcode: PSTB NL2]

For more information, email us: or

Check out this amazing new Krishna conscious music CD

by Navayauvana dasa ACBSP in Holland

Practicing Krishna Consciousness at Home:

See your local groups of devotees and see how you can do it too

East Meets West @ "The Loft"
Enjoy an enlightening time associating with energetic devotees. Explore the similarities of ancient and modern surroundings through Krishna consciousness in a friendly non-threatening atmosphere.

Wellington Loft (Gaura Yoga centre)

Gaura's Place - Hamilton:

Christchurch Loft
Hanuman dasa:

Gauranga's in Tauranga
For more information:

Sydney Temple (Aus) Shop On-line:

Subscribe to Sydney's E-newsletter –
and Streaming MP3 classes and music –

more options in the marketplace HERE:

Sydney temple:

Australian yatra: (...across the ditch )

...the site for Shaligram, Govardhan, Dwaraka and Tadiya shilas and Their Sevaks
Why not come on in for Cyber-darshan

There's so many new participants (GBCs, Gurus, Sannyasis, et al), new incredible pic's, capturing and enlivening articles and stories, pilgrimage diaries - check it out - believe me you won't be disappointed.

Thousands of Salagrams, Govardhan, Dwarka shilas from ALL over the world.

READ Salagram kosha on-line.......
 Hari Bhakti Vilas segments
 Padma Purana
 Garuda Purana


mirrored @

Visit the Site and join our Quarterly Newsletter:

If you'd like to send in an article, picture(s), story or experience with Shilas please send it to me:

last updated 20th April 2004

- HEALTHY ISSUES - Ayurveda:-
Visit Vaidya Yolande Manson's Ayurvedic practice - in Hamilton:

dhanvantaris cha bhagavan svayam eva kirtir
namna nrnam pururujam ruja asu hanti
yajne cha bhagam amrtayur avavarundha
ayusya vedam anusasty avatirya loke

"The Lord in His incarnation of Dhanvantari very quickly cures the diseases of the ever diseased living entities simply by His fame personified and only because of Him do the demigods achieve long lives. Thus the Personality of Godhead becomes ever glorified. He also exacted a share from the sacrifices, and it is He only who inaugurated the medical science or the knowledge of medicine in the universe." (Srimad Bhagavata Purana 2.7.22 )

Receive the Waikato Ayurveda Group Newsletter
5a Bader Street, Hamilton, New Zealand
ph +64-7-843-5566, fax +64-7-843-3974

Got health challenges...........???
Please contact me!

Radiance Ayurveda
(...and or Receive the Waikato Ayurvedic Group newsletter)

Visit Vaidya Yolande Manson's Ayurvedic practice - in Hamilton:

Dr. Pratap Chauhan - Social Welfare through Ayurveda - Faridabad India

See our marketplace link off the main index:

This material world is described as padam padam yad vipadäm,
which means that at every step there is danger.
Please be a little careful - everything is not always as it seems in the Matrix:

Sun Protection: Slip slop slap wrap

Sunsmart -

NZ Cancer Society

Sun protection @ work

Summer Season Fire Safety

Water Safety,,8006-1844782,00.html

Out-door activities Safety

On-line Safety

Kids - Be Safe On-line:

Do you have any services or products to advertise here for FREE ?

If you have any news, events, functions, deals, etc., that you would like to share with members of the greater Vaishnava community then please do so by sending what you have to us, we can pass them on in the next newsletter


Prasadam Recipes

Download your FREE  Cake Recipe Cookbook
 - with 100 EGGLESS recipes

EgglessDotCom - A site for vegetarian baking without eggs.


Ekadasi Book Cooking - new book coming:

Ekadasi Recipes - preps without grains or beans etc:

Vrata ka khaana - Fast Foods cook book 4 sale (all ekadasi preps - some samples here):

Fast Food of a Different Kind:

Non-vegetarian aditives and non-ekadasi food aditives list:

Meat Free Zone:

A Guide to Gourmet Vegetarian Cooking and a Karma-Free Diet:


(even Parmesan and other favorites)
Not just cheeses also vegetarian yogurts and other dairy produce.
updated 31st March 2004

All the Meatless Pasta preparations you'd like to prepare:

(we bought some Stilton, Parmesan, Edam, Swiss and a few others - LOL - you have to check out these pages and then go to your Woolworths, Countdown, Pak'nSav, New World or local Deli.....believe me it's worth it - =>:-))) updated to help you

The Meatrix - this you have to see to believe - take the red pill see reality - The Meatrix it's all around you:

Allow the Meatrix to download fully before attempting to observe.............

These recipes are specifically used in the Brahma-Madhwa Vaishnava community for shaaka haara vrata - first month of Chaturmasya where one fasts from Greem leafy vegetables - spinach:

This recipe is from “Great Vegetarian Dishes from Around the World.”
8 med. potatoes, peeled and sliced thin
1 Tbsp. olive oil
¾ tsp. yellow asafetida powder (hing)
½ tsp. ground dried rosemary (more is good too)
¼ tsp. freshly ground black pepper
½ tsp. turmeric
3 Cups. vege sour cream (3 Cups yogurt)
1 Tbsp. melted butter
2 tsp. salt
½ C. water
1 tsp. sweet paprika
2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped

1. Boil the potato slices in lightly salted water in a quart sized saucepan until they are cooked but firm. Remove and drain.
2. In a separate pot put the olive oil to a medium saucepan over moderate heat and when hot, add the asafetida. Sauté momentarily.
3. Add the rosemary, black pepper, and turmeric and stir briefly.
4. Add the sour cream, melted butter, salt and water. Whisk it into a smooth sauce and remove from the heat.
5. Combine potato slices and sour cream (or yogurt) mixture into a casserole dish, sprinkle with paprika, and bake at 390 degrees for 30 minutes or until the top is golden brown.
6. Garnish with fresh parsley and serve hot.

A variation is to bake cheese over the top once the yogurt or sour cream has permeated the entire prep dying a little.

It takes only a few minutes to make this wrap, which is crunchy, healthy and filling. Although it's suggested that you use tomato, cucumber and watercress, fill it up with any veggies you have on hand.

1 medium fat-free flour tortilla(s) (4-inch)
2 Tbsp store-bought hummus
1 small tomato(es), thinly sliced
1/4 small cucumber(s), thinly sliced
1/2 cup watercress, thick stems discarded
1/8 tsp table salt, or to taste
1/8 tsp black pepper, or to taste

Lay tortilla (or chapatis) on a flat surface and spread with hummus. Layer with tomatoes, cucumber and watercress. Season to taste, roll up tightly and enjoy.

Prep Time: 8 min

The Un-Meat Loaf
1 cup cooked brown rice
1 cup wheat germ
1 cup instant oats or oat bran (uncooked)
1/2 cup walnuts, chopped fine
1 cup tofu, chopped fine
1 medium white cabbage heart, chopped fine or grated
1/2 bell pepper, chopped fine
1 medium carrot, shredded fine
1 teaspoon dried thyme, marjoram or sage
2 tablespoons fresh parsley finely minced
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons prepared mustard
tomato ketchup

Combine all ingredients and mix for 2 minutes with a wooden spoon. Pack in to a 4" x 8" loaf pan sprayed with Pam and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until lightly browned. You may wish to top the loaf with ketchup after about 40 minutes, then continue baking the final 20 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before slicing.

NOTE: The vegetables should be chopped as finely as possible. If you have a food processor this would be a great time to use it. Put each vegetable and the nuts in one at a time, pulse until finely ground. Then dump in to a big bowl with all other ingredients for final mixing.

This recipe freezes well too! Just wrap in foil and then in a freezer bag. To reheat either slice and warm in the microwave or reheat covered in a 350 oven for 20-30 minutes.

Serves: 8

Preparation time: 1:10

Mock Crab Cakes
4 tablespoons of brown flax seed (to make egg replacer)
2 cups of bread crumbs
1 tablespoon of vegan mayonnaise (optional)
1 small onion, grated
1 tablespoon of Old Bay seasoning
2 cups grated zucchini with juice squeezed out

To make egg-replacer: Pour four cups of water and the flax seed into a large pot. Bring to a boil. Boil down to about 3 cups. Pour out about 1/3 cup of the egg-replacer into large bowl (Try to keep the flax seed from getting into the bowl -- it is ok if some of it does get in though.). (This egg-replacer works very well for a wide variety of recipes. One-fourth cup is equal to one large egg. It can stay in the refrigerator for weeks and can be frozen for future use.)

Mix in the remaining ingredients. Fry in oil until golden brown.

Can be sprinkled with paprika and dipped in vegan tarter sauce.

Serves: 5

Preparation time: 30 Minutes

The NoFish Patties with Cucumber Sauce
29 oz (822g) can chickpeas (garbonzo beans)
1/2 cup quick cooking oatmeal
1 tsp salt
1 tsp lemon pepper seasoning
1 tsp kelp powder (add more if wanted)
1/2 cup flour
favorite breading (optional)
olive oil

Cucumber Sauce:
1 medium cucmber
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp hing powder
1 1/2 tsp lemon pepper 1 12 oz pkg.
MoriNu silken tofu, firm

Drain chickpeas and process in food processor or blender until small crumbles. Mix together the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Gently but thorougly mix the dry ingredients into the chickpeas, keeping the mixture fluffy or crumbly so that it mixes well.

Form into patties. This step can be omitted: Place on wax paper, sprinkle with your favorite breading, turn over and sprinkle the other side.

Fry on both sides in a skillet with olive oil on medium heat. The amount of oil will depend on how brown you want the patties. I don't use much oil, and before turning to fry the second side, I spray the patties with olive oil that I keep in a spray bottle.

While the patties cook, cut the cucumber long ways, and scoop out the seeds. Process into small pieces and not mushy. Remove to a bowl and add the dry ingredients.

Process the tofu until creamy. Add 3/4 of the cucumber mixture to the tofu and continue to process. Pour the tofu mixture into microwavable bowl and stir in the rest of the cucumber.

Heat the cucumber sauce in the microwave, and serve with the NoFish Patties.

Serves: 6 medium size patties

Preparation time: 30 minutes

Dessert Lasagne
12 pieces lasagne
4 cups ricotta cheese
1 cup sugar, divided
8 kiwis, peeled
4 cups strawberries, washed and trimmed, 8 reserved for garnishing
4 cups blackberries, washed
1/2 cup toasted, sliced almonds
Mint sprigs, to garnish

Cook the pasta according to package directions. Rinse, drain and set aside.

In a medium bowl, stir together the ricotta cheese and 1/2 cup sugar. Set aside.

In the food processor, puree 4 kiwis with 2 tablespoons sugar. Transfer the puree to a bowl and set it aside. Rinse the processor bowl.

In the processor, puree half the strawberries with 2 tablespoons sugar. Strain the puree into a bowl and set it aside. Rinse the processor bowl.

In the processor, puree half the blackberries with 2 tablespoons sugar. Strain the puree and set it aside.

Slice the kiwis into 1/4-inch thick rounds. Slice the strawberries into 1/8-inch thick pieces. Slice the blackberries in half.

Reserve 1/4 cup of each of the purees to use as a garnish when serving.

To assemble the lasagne, first cover the bottom of a 9-inch-by-13-inch glass baking pan with 3 pieces of pasta. Spoon 1/3 of the ricotta on top and spread it evenly. Pour the kiwi puree over the cheese and arrange the kiwi slices on the puree. Lay on 3 more pieces of pasta and cover with 1/2 the remaining cheese. Pour the strawberry puree over the cheese and sprinkle with sliced strawberries. Lay on 3 more pieces of pasta and cover with the remaining cheese. Pour the blackberries puree over the cheese and sprinkle with blackberries. Top with a final layer of pasta. Cover tightly with plastic and refrigerate overnight.

Just before serving, sprinkle the lasagne with the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar and with the toasted almonds. Cut into 8 rectangles and use a spatula to set the pieces on dessert plates. Decorate the plates with dots of reserved purees. Garnish each piece of lasagne with a strawberry and a sprig of mint.

A lavish nutty crust surrounds layers of juicy peaches and blueberries for this perfect summer treat.

1 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons sugar
5 tablespoons butter, cut into 1-inch chunks
2 tble spoons yogurt beaten
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans

Peach layer
3 cups peeled and sliced fresh peaches
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon butter

Blueberry layer
4 cups blueberries
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon lemon juice
dash ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon butter

1. To make the crust, place the flour and sugar in a food processor. Process briefly to mix. Drop the chunks of butter into the feed tube with the motor running and process quickly until the mixture is crumbly. Add the beaten yogurt, almond, and pecans and process until just combined. Do not overmix the crust.
2. Form the dough into a flattened ball and press it into the bottom and sides of a 9-inch tart pan with a removable bottom. Chill the crust for 30 minutes.
3. Preheat oven to 350°F.
4. Bake the crust for 15 to 20 minutes, or until slightly brown around the edge. Cool the crust on a wire rack.
5. To make the peach layer, mash the peaches together with the sugar, lemon juice, and cornstarch in a medium saucepan and cook over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until the mixture thickens. Add the butter and stir until blended. Cool slightly and pour into the cooled crust.
6. To make the blueberry layer, mash 2 cups of the blueberries with the sugar, cornstarch, lemon juice, and cinnamon and cook in a large saucepan over medium heat for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and translucent. Stir in the butter and the remaining whole blueberries. Cover the peach layer with this blueberry mixture. Leave the tart in the pan and cover tightly with plastic wrap before putting into the pack.

Makes one 9-inch tart

Lavender Mint Tea - Recipe
Excerpted from Excerpted from 500 Treasured Country Recipes, by Martha Storey.
Lavender adds a pleasant but not too flowery contrast to the
sweetness of mint in this herbal tea that is refreshing hot or

Simple Solution:
There are teas for all occasions: for morning, afternoon, and bedtime, teas to soothe, and teas to stimulate. In recent years, our appreciation of tea has expanded to include herbal tisanes (some of which are centuries old) and a wide array of green teas, barks, and spices. Taking a break for tea or making a pot to share with a companion is somehow very relaxing.

Lavender Mint Tea
1 teaspoon fresh lavender flowers or 1/2 teaspoon dried lavender flowers
1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons fresh mint leaves or 2 teaspoons dried mint
1 cup boiling water
1.  In a teapot, combine the lavender flowers and mint. Pour boiling water over the mixture; steep 5 minutes.

Yield: 1 cup

Variation: For more interesting blends, add rosemary, lemon balm or lemon verbena, and rose geranium.

Three ways to Make Iced Tea
Brewed Tea. Make tea approximately double strength and steep only 5 minutes. Pour into a pitcher over an equal amount of ice.  (If you are using a glass pitcher, let the tea cool before pouring it in.) If you sweeten the tea while it is hot, you'll need only half as much sugar.
Refrigerator Tea. Follow the procedure for sun tea, except let the mixture brew in the refrigerator overnight. This method has two advantages: When it's done, it's already cold, and no matter how long it sits, it doesn't get cloudy.
Sun Tea. In a glass jar or pitcher, place 1 teaspoon of loose tea or 1 tea bag per pint or tap water (with sugar, if you wish).  Cover and set in the sun for 1 hour or so. Timing is not critical - because the water doesn't boil, the tea will not get bitter.

Vege update:
Social scientists and law enforcement officials have identified animal abuse as a symptom of emotional illness and a precursor to violent crimes against human beings. To allow individuals guilty of perpetrating such cruel acts to go unpunished or not sufficiently punished would be to sanction these horrific crimes and would permit them to go on to possibly commit violent crimes against humans.

The Animal Spirit Newsletter - Issue #2 -  4/21/03-4/27/03

Higher Taste cook book

All the Meatless Pasta preparations you'd like to prepare:
(some need some adjustment, as they contain onion and garlic)

Different Shapes of pasta:

OVER 100 EGGLESS CAKE recipes can be found on our Main index and
on many other pages at:

Visit our Award winning site - Vegetarianism & Beyond
Interesting articles - information - history - arguments - links............ (been re-vamped) fact everything you want to know about Vegetarianism and Beyond:
... last updated 20th March 2004

Offering our food to Krishna:
....excerpt from lecture by HDG Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada - Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.3.1-3 -- San Francisco, March 28, 1968

The Vedic literature says like this, that God has no leg, no hand. Therefore the impersonalists take advantage of it. "Oh, here it is stated God has no legs, no hands." But the next line is, javana grhita: "He can accept everything which you offer Him in devotion."

Now how He can accept? If He has no hand, how He can accept things from us? That means He hasn't got a hand like us. His hand is different. Therefore even though He is situated in the spiritual world, which is far, far away from us, still, He says in the Bhagavad-gita, it is said,

patram puspam phalam toyam
yo me bhaktya prayacchati
tad aham bhakty-upahrtam
asnami prayatatmanah

Krsna says that "A little flower or little water or a little leaf, whatever My devotee offers Me in love and devotion, I accept it." And tad aham bhakty-upahrtam. "And because he has brought it with great devotion, therefore I eat." Tad aham bhakty-upahrtam asnami. Asnami means "I eat." Now you can say, "All right, I'll offer these fruits and flower to God, but it is the same. It is remaining. How He is eating?" But His eating is not like my eating, because He hasn't got a body like this. This body is material. If you bring me a plate of fruits, this body immediately swallows it. But He has got spiritual body. He eats... Simply as soon as He knows that you have offered it in devotion, He eats immediately.

Go here to follow the simple system for offering foodstuffs to the Lord
... and always with the Magic ingredient - Offer it to Krishna.....
... with L'n D (love and devotion)

Why do we offer our food to God before eating?

Nutrition and Health - vitamins, a balanced diet, through prasadam:

Vegetarian Update - newsletter from NZ Vegetarian Socity in Wellington:

“If anyone wants to save the planet, all they have to do is just stop eating meat.
That’s the single most important thing you could do. It’s staggering when you think about it.
Vegetarianism takes care of so many things in one shot: ecology, famine, cruelty.”
--Sir Paul McCartney


Check out heaps of information on Vegetarianism, Prasadam-ism,
download books, Vegetarian Recipe programs, and more.


A Beginners Guide to Vegetarianism:

How Mary and Frank and Friends Eat - very nice Vegetarian pages:

Vegetarian recipes:

Heaps of Quick Vegetarian Recipies:

101 Reasons Why I'm a Vegetarian:

Healthy Indian Vegetarian Cooking Recipes:

Excellent "Meat Substitute" recipes

Hundreds of Vegetarian recipes

Fat-free vegetarian meals:
A lot of inspiring Vegetarian preparations here, some have onion and garlic in,
so replace that with hing or omit that altogether as you see fit, still this page is well worth a serious look for ideas.


"You Mean That's in the Bible" - expose on meat eating:

- oxymoron of the yuga:

Protect both our species, two-legged and four-legged. Both food and water for their needs supply.
May they with us increase in stature and strength. Save us from hurt all our days, O Powers!

Rig Veda Samhita 10.37.11.

Download one of Bhakti Rasa prabhu's songs for FREE
"Don't Eat Your Friends" (It Ain't Nice)

and visit Bhakti Rasa prabhu's site:

Check out Kurma prabhu's new web-site:

XMAS Recipes @
We wish you a Vege Xmas

McDeath - the facts about Ronnie McDonalds:

Meet your Meat FREECDRoms
This is a must for those who live in the illusion of animal killing is somehow acceptable or humane.

I have converted the "Meet your Meat" video into a CD rom & will send a copy of it for free to anyone with a Cd burner & a pledge to make at least 4 copies to give to their meat eating friends.

Meet your meat - shocking live footage of the TRUTH in the meat industry:

This is the new version
I sent out a total of over 750 CD's last year to 60 different countries. My goal in 2003 is to double that number.
I would appreciate if you would forward this message to your readers.
Anyone willing to participate, please forward my mailing address as


Vegetarians BEWARE of Orange Softdrinks
Coca-Cola (manufacturer) - Not suitable for vegetarians; lists the following products as not vegetarian
These products contain traces of fish gelatine, which are used as a stabiliser for beta-carotene colour.

Fanta Orange
Diet Fanta Orange
Lilt Pineapple & Grapefruit
Diet Lilt Pineapple & Grapefruit

Soft Drinks - Some canned Orange drinks use gelatine as a carrier for added Beta Caratine.
(This would not appear on the ingredients panel).
(Text PAMHO:5891790) ---------------------------------------

According to recent communications with Chelsea Sugar group - NZ Sugars their Sugars are now free from "Bone Char" bleaching process and so devotees can again use and offer White Sugar safely.

See more details HERE

As of last week in November 2003 Yopliat the yogurt people now put gelatine in their products
See here for pointers of okay ones


 Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes

Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves  =>;-))

This one is not a joke but I thought you might like to know. These are the names of Lord Caitanya taken from the book "Sri Caitanya Sahasra Nama Stotra", i.e. "A Thousand Names of Lord Caitanya" by Srila Kavi Karnapura (as translated by HG Kusakratha Prabhu from the Krsna Institute)...

        So Lord Caitanya is known as the one:

 - hasya-kari  &  hasya-yuk  ==> who laughs & jokes

 - hasya-priya  ==> who is fond of joking

 - hasya-nagara ==> who is the hero of those expert in speaking joking words

 - hasya-grami  &  hasya-kara  ==> is expert at joking

 - pushpa-hasa  ==> whose smile & laugh are as charminng as flowers.

Lord Gauranga's smiling & laughing qualities ki...

                                                ys Radhe Govinda dasa

P.S. One of the qualities of Srimati Radharani is that she is very expert in the art of joking.

This is a MUST READ =>;-Q

Four Wives parable:


God : Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.. who is this?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic.It's rush hour all the time.

God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.  Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the way, I was not  expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You  are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your  habit.  That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..

God : Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't  suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives  the  test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be  free  from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons  (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and  endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.Look  inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes  provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in  the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a  measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying  than  knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work  with  the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but  few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.

God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to  be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life  is  not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Year with a new sense of inspiration.

God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to  resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live .

A mayavadi approaches a pizza vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."

                   He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: "Where's my change?"

                   The vendor was a Buddhist and said: "All change must come from within."

The teacher was asking the kids at the Gurukul the meaning of different words,

"What does the word 'benign' mean?"

Little Sunil stood up and replied, "Benign is what you will be after you be eight."

The Chief Pujari of ISKCON, Vrindavan and the Chief Christian Monk of the Abbey are in a meeting in Rome with the Pope. The Pujari notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table inthe Pope's private chambers.

"What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff.

"It's my direct line to the Lord!"

The Pujari is skeptical, and the Christian Monk and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists that the Pujari try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Pujari holds a lengthy discussion with Him. After hanging up, the Pujari says, "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges."

The Christian Pontiff, of course refuses, but the Pujari is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in. He checks the counter on the phone and says, "Alright! The charges were 1000,000 Lira. (US$560)

The Chief Pujari gladly hands over a packet of bills. A few months later, the Christian Monk is in Vrindavan, India on an official visit. In the Chief Pujari's chambers, he sees a phone identical to his and learns it also is a direct line to the Lord. The Christian Monk remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Pujari's phone. The Pujari gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Christian Monk chats away. After hanging up, the Christian Monk offers to pay for the phone charges. This time, the Chief Pujari refuses to accept payment. After the Christian Monk insists, the Pujari relents and looks on the phone counter and says: "Rs 10.00 !" ($0.25).

The Christian Monk looks surprised: "Why so cheap!?"

The Pujari smiles: "Because it's a Local call."

Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience?

Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned upafter you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay. No longer, though. Today, you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese:
"Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for four?"
"Yes, Thank you."
"Smoking or non?"
"Non smoking."
"Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?"
"I guess indoors would be good."
"Very well, sir," he said. "Would you like to be seated in the main dining room, the enclosed patio, or our lovely solarium?"
"Uh, let me see...uh..."
"I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely solarium."
"I think the solarium would be lovely," I said.
We followed him there...
"Now, would you prefer a view overlooking the golf course, the sunset on the lake or the majestic mountains to the West?"
"Whatever you recommend," I said.
Let HIM make a decision for a change, I thought.
He sat us by a window facing the golf course, lake or mountains.
I couldn't tell which because it was dark outside.
Then, a young man better dressed and better looking than any of us presented himself at our table... "Good evening, my name is Paul, and I'll be your waiter this evening. Would you like a few minutes before I take your order?"
"No," I said. "I'm just a meat-and-potatoes guy, so I'll have the filet mignon and a baked potato."
"Soup, or salad?"
"We have a mixed-green salad, hearts of palm, or a very fine
endive salad with baby shrimp."
"Just a mixed-green salad, okay?"
"Whatever you say, sir. Dressing?"
I didn't want to make another decision...
"Whatever you've got will be fine."
"We have creamy Italian, Blue Cheese, Vinaigrette, Thousand Island, Honey Dijon and Ranch."
"Just bring me one. Surprise me."
"Creamy Italian is our house specialty. Would that be all right, sir?"
I was curt. I was done with civility.
"And for your baked potato?"
I knew what was coming!
"I just want the baked potato dry, you understand? I don't want anything on it."
"No butter? No sour cream?"
"No chives? No bacon chips ? "
"No! Don't you understand English?" "I don't want anything on it. Just bring me a baked potato and a steak."
"Would you prefer the six, eight, or 12-ounce steak, sir?"
"Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium, medium well or well done? Or, if you prefer, we can butterfly it for you."
"Pauly Boy," I said, "you are really starting to get me steamed."
"Which brings up the vegetables, sir. Would you like steamed broccoli, creamed corn, sauteed zucchini, or diced carrots?"
That did it. I threw my napkin to the floor, stood up, put my face right in his arrogant kisser and said, "How'd you like to settle this outside?"
"Fine with me, sir. Would you prefer the parking lot, the side alley or the street in front of the restaurant?"
"I prefer right here."
Then I sucker-punched him:
He ducked, then countered with a left hook right under my eye.
It was the first time all night he hadn't offered me a selection.
I collapsed semiconscious into my chair, as someone in authority rushed over and berated Pauly.
I felt my tie being loosened, my collar unbuttoned, hands slapping my face.
When I regained my senses, I saw the very concerned maitre d' right in front of my nose.
He apologized and offered to buy me a drink, call the paramedics, whatever I wanted.
"No, no," I said. "I'll be all right. Just bring me a glass of water."
"Yes, sir, right away," he said. "Would you prefer imported mineral water, sparkling water, or club soda with a wedge of lime?

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

When I die, I want to die like my Grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep.
Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days  later, the town drunk was walking through the  cemetery and heard some  strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified,  the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen  to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from  the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

 When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

 He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and  it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the  magistrate kept listening,  "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

 Suddenly the realization of what was happening  dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had  gathered in the cemetery,  "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven  decomposing."

Did you ever wonder?
 A thought...
 A bus station is where a bus stops.
   A train station is where a train stops.

    Now, on my desk, I have a work station...


Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here".  What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?  Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

*From Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh Archives

Hare Krishna --

ys, Balarama Dasa

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

A man has been a bit hard of hearing of late so decides to go to the doctor.

He goes in and says "doctor, I think I'm going deaf!"

The doctor asks, "what are the symptoms?"

He replies " they're a yellow cartoon family"

thanks Gary Kearns

Isn't it amazing how many folks there are who long for immortality
but can't even amuse themselves on a rainy evening?

from Charlie Nichols

True bravery is arriving home late after a boy's night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

from Patricia

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.
He had spiked hair all different colors - green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared.
The young man said, "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot.
I was just wondering if you were my son.

The Mars Rover hasn't found any sign of life, but they did find an abandoned sports stadium with all the toilet seats up.
Proving that men are definitely from Mars and women may be from Venus. - Bill Williams

Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.

oh Gary where do you find 'em?

The ways of this material world - strange but true

A transcript from the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute:

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline....

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

..........random acts of lunacy

A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
Bonus extra ......
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years

from Pauline Archell-Thompson in UK

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off


I came across this article by accident. It has some very funny points which I'll reproduce here (extracts) with kind permission of Dr. Pierre Flener. (


I have often ranted about  traffic in Turkey  (which is where I live), but now that I have  been to  Iran, I have  enormous  respect  for the "discipline" of Turkish drivers.  They are choirboys compared to their Iranian  brothers!  I completely  lack the words to describe the chaos of an Iranian city, especially  Tehran, where cars shoot around in gay abandon, filling literally every millimeter of the road, disrespecting every sign and light (many traffic  lights are actually  switched to a permanently  blinking  yellow, and often lack the red and green lenses altogether),  honking  ferociously, and committing many other horrors. And there are bicycles and motorbikes on this battlefield,  often even driving up roads on opposing  lanes, or  invading  the  sidewalks  and covered  bazaars, thus extending the  jurisdiction  of the Jungle Law. Now, do you really want to know where and how pedestrians fit into all this?!  When I left the bus terminal and crossed a wide boulevard with the Akbars,  weaving lane by lane through  dense  traffic, and somehow making it to the other side  unscathed,  I turned  around with a proud look on my face, fully expecting the pedestrian  crowds to cheer "ole, ole, ole" and make Mexican waves on the  sidewalks!  But no, there was no reaction:  I had just learned the first  survival  skill that every infant in Iran seems to  acquire  (or not,  judging  from the  limping masses).  Watching Latino toreros doesn't give me any thrills anymore, as they only face  _one_  bull.  Crossing a Tehran  street is the real thing, for real men!  Forget the traffic in Athens,  Rome,  Cairo, and Istanbul,  forget Russian roulette and bungee jumping:  Tehran traffic gives you the ultimate adrenaline rushes!

If women in Saudi Arabia commit adultery they get stoned, unlike the women in Los Angeles, who get stoned and then commit adultery. - Argus Hamilton

....please excuse the modern Afghani expletive

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Now way, you won't bring it back."

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day ... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice.

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico.
While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.

As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report.

"Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."

from Marsha

You might like to check out Krishna-conscious jokes -
Also check out the Humour section of the Main Index:

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