Archana, Articles, Astrology, Audo files, Books, Calendars, Community, Downloads, E-cards, Education, Family, Food For Life, Harenama, Health, InterFaith, Iskcon, Jesus, Krishna, Lofts, Maori, Marketplace of the Holy name, Meditation, New Zealand centres, Prasadam, Questions, 4 Regulative Principles, Self Help, Srila Prabhupada, Temples world-wide, Varnashram Dharm, Vedik Culture, Vegetarianism & Beyond, Weather, X-poses, Yoga, Youth Forums, Z-free Internet access.......

...and H-E-A-Ps more.

http://www.hknet.org.nz/index.htm

http://welcome.to/hknetworks

So much more to be found there too... HEAPS of New sites/links
updated last on 15th December 2003

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Visit Your Local Hare Krishna Temple
See a full NZ list of contacts HERE under Communities:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index.htm

See the Kiwi yatra HERE:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/NZKiwi-yatra.html

Australian yatra here:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/aussie-yatra.htm

International here:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index-int.htm

Words of Wisdom - Shastra & Shastrakaras speak

For Books and shastra downloads see Main Index, under Books:
Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya

The Complete Works of Srila Prabhupada
All the books, the letters and conversations at your fingertips

Requirements: DOS or Windows, 173 MB free disk space, 286 PC or better.
http://wald.heim.at/sherwood/530002/

Srila Prabhupada's Audio lectures to listen to on-line:
http://www.hare-krishna.org/srila-prabhupada-lectures.htm

Visit "Prabhupada Connect" for all manner of Prabhupad Nectar:
http://www.prabhupadaconnect.com/Index.html

Download all the Hare Krsna teachings which includes all Vaisnava and
Vedic concepts by visiting one of the sites listed at the following address.
http://www.geocities.com/suci123/bookdownloadsites1.html

33 Books Online Including Srimad Bhagavatam!
http://www.geocities.com/freeprabhupadabooks

Download or Listen to Prabhupad Bhajans HERE:
http://www.prabhupadavani.org/web/text/Bhajans.html

On-line 1972 McMillan edition - Bhagavad Gita As It Is:
http://www.asitis.com/

Bhagavad Gita AS IT IS on-line through the Tirupathi Balaji site:
http://www.bhagavad-gita.us/

Bhagavad Gita Study guide on-line book:
http://chantandbehappy.com/gita/studyguide/StudyGuide-main.htm

Bhagavad Gita Study guides by numerous Iskcon devotees - FREE downloads:
http://www.veda.harekrsna.cz/library/#3

All the Scriptures you'd ever need 4 FREE
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index-books.htm
http://www.hknet.org.nz/DDB.htm
http://www.hknet.org.nz/DDB2.html

last updated 4th August 2003

 "Krishna's Criminal Department"

Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.6.06
Vrndavana, November 28, 1976

listen to the lecture on-line by clicking HERE:

 or receive in mailbox and Subscribe HERE:
mailto:lectures-subscribe@prabhupadavani.org
Sravanam kirtanam at: http://www.PrabhupadaVani.org

The Scientific - Mathematical Proof for God's existence:
http://www.geocities.com/sector114

(Collection of philosophical and mathematical proofs for existence of God can be found in this site.)

Scientifically Philosophical Books for the layman
.........
contact your local temple for purchases

“For one who has accepted the boat of the lotus feet of the Lord, who is the shelter of the cosmic manifestation and is famous as Muräri, the enemy of the demon Mura, the ocean of the material world is like the water contained in a calf’s hoofprint. His goal is param padam, or Vaikuntha, the place where there are no material miseries, not the place where there is danger at every step.” (Srimad Bhagavatam 10.14.58)

Srimad Bhagavatam PURPORT 8:2:32.

This material world is described as padam padam yad vipadäm, which means that at every step there is danger. A fool wrongly thinks that he is happy in this material world, but in fact he is not, for one who thinks that way is only illusioned. At every step, at every moment, there is danger. In modern civilization one thinks that if he has a nice home and a nice car his life is perfect. In the Western countries, especially in America, it is very nice to possess a good car, but as soon as one is on the road, there is danger because at any moment an accident may take place and one will be killed. The record actually shows that so many people die in such accidents. Therefore if we actually think that this material world is a very happy place, this is our ignorance. Real knowledge is that this material world is full of danger. We may struggle for existence as far as our intelligence allows and may try to take care of ourselves, but unless the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Krishna, ultimately saves us from danger, our attempts will be useless. Therefore Prahläda Mahäräja says:

bälasya neha sharanam pitarau nrisimha
närtasya chägadam udanvati majjato nauh
taptasya tat-pratividhir ya ihänjaseshthas
tävad vibho tanu-bhritäm tvad-upekshitänäm
(SB 7.9.19)

We may invent so many ways to be happy or to counteract the dangers of this material world, but unless our attempts are sanctioned by the Supreme Personality of Godhead, they will never make us happy. Those who try to be happy without taking shelter of the Supreme Personality of Godhead are müdhas, rascals. Na mäm dushkritino müdhäh prapadyante narädhamäh [Bhagavad gita. 7.15]. Those who are the lowest of men refuse to take to Krishna consciousness because they think that they will be able to protect themselves without Krishna’s care. This is their mistake. The decision of the King of the elephants, Gajendra, was correct. In such a dangerous position, he sought shelter of the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

(excerpt from Srimad Bhagavatam 8:2:32., "The Elephant Gajendra's Cris".)

To view this text it is advised to have the Balaram Font installed on your system

näcared yas tu vedoktaà
svayam ajïo ‘jitendriyaù
vikarmaëä hy adharmeëa
måtyor måtyum upaiti saù
SYNONYMS
na äcaret—does not perform; yaù—who; tu—but; veda-uktam—what is prescribed in the Vedas; svayam—himself; ajïaù—ignorant; ajita-indriyaù—not having learned to control his senses; vikarmaëä—by not executing scriptural duty; hi—indeed; adharmeëa—by his irreligion; måtyoù måtyum—death after death; upaiti—achieves; saù—he.
TRANSLATION
If an ignorant person who has not conquered the material senses does not adhere to the Vedic injunctions, certainly he will engage in sinful and irreligious activities. Thus his reward will be repeated birth and death.
PURPORT
In the previous verse it was stated that although fruitive activities are prescribed in the Vedas, the actual goal of human life is to free oneself from all materialistic activities. Therefore, one may conclude that there is no need to perform the Vedic rituals, which offer regulated sense gratification. But an ignorant person, or, in other words, one who has not understood that he is not the material body but an eternal spiritual soul, part and parcel of Kåñëa, will invariably be unable to control the urges of the material senses. Therefore, if such a materially inclined person neglects the Vedic injunctions that administer regulated sense gratification, he will surely fall down into unregulated sense gratification in päpa, or sinful life. For example, those who are affected by sexual desire are ordered to accept the viväha-yajïa, or religious marriage ceremony. We often see that because of false pride a so-called brahmacäré, or celibate student of Vedic knowledge, rejects the marriage ceremony as mäyä, or material illusion. But if such a celibate student is unable to control his senses he will undoubtedly degrade himself by eventually engaging in illicit sex, which has no connection to Vedic culture. Similarly, a neophyte in Kåñëa consciousness is encouraged to eat kåñëa-prasädam to his full satisfaction. Sometimes an immature practitioner of bhakti-yoga tries to make a show of severe eating habits and eventually falls down into eating unregulated and abominable foodstuffs.
According to Çréla Viçvanätha Cakravarté Öhäkura, the words måtyor måtyum upaiti mean that a sinful person is awarded a free ticket to hell by the lord of death himself, Yamaräja. This is also described in the Vedas as follows: måtvä punar måtyum äpadyate ardyamänaù sva-karmabhiù. “Persons who cause themselves severe pain by their materialistic activities gain no relief at the moment of death, for they are placed again in a situation in which death will occur.” Therefore, Vedic ritualistic activities such as the wedding ceremony or the relishing of sumptuous yajïa-çiñöa, or food remnants of sacrifice, should not be given up by those whose senses are not yet controlled.
The previous verse gave the example of a father’s administering candy to his son to induce the child to take medicine. If the child rejects the father’s offer, thinking that the candy is unnecessary, the child also misses the opportunity to take the medicine that will cure him. Similarly, if a materialistic person rejects the Vedic injunctions that administer prescribed sense gratification, he will not be purified but instead will be further degraded. Çréla Jéva Gosvämé has described a materialistic person as one whose mind and intelligence are not faithfully fixed in the message of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. In Bhagavad-gétä Çré Bhagavän, Lord Kåñëa, gives wonderful explanations to the conditioned souls, represented by Arjuna, concerning the actual goal of life. One who cannot fix his mind on these instructions is to be considered a materialistic person who is inclined toward sinful activities and who must therefore submit himself to the standard Vedic injunctions. Such Vedic injunctions, even though fruitive. are considered puëya, or pious, according to Çréla Jéva Gosvämé, and thus one who strictly performs them will not go to hell. Lord Kåñëa Himself states in the Bhägavatam (11.20.9),

tävat karmäëi kurvéta
na nirvidyeta yävatä
mat-kathä-çravaëädau vä
çraddhä yävan na jäyate

“One should continue to perform the Vedic ritualistic activities until one actually becomes detached from material sense gratification and develops faith for hearing and chanting about Me.”

Çréla Viçvanätha Cakravarté Öhäkura explains that the Vedas prescribe that one rise early in the morning, bathe, and chant the Gäyatré mantra. If one artificially gives up such a disciplined, regulated life, one will gradually become a victim of activities for gross sense gratification, such as eating in restaurants and indulging in illicit connections with women. Thus losing control of his senses, he becomes just like an animal, engaging from the early morning until the night in dangerous activities. Çréla Madhväcärya has commented in this regard, ajïaù sann äcarann api. Although in ignorance, one continues to act, not considering the future result of one’s activities. Such indifference to the future result of one’s activities is described in Bhagavad-gétä to be a symptom of the mode of ignorance. Just as an intelligent man will not drive his car on a highway if he knows the highway will lead him to danger, an intelligent man will not perform non-Vedic activities if he knows that the ultimate result will be the disaster described here by the words måtyor måtyum upaiti. Çréla Bhaktisiddhänta Sarasvaté Öhäkura has stated that ignorant persons sometimes think that after death one automatically attains everlasting peace. But by the powerful reactions of one’s sinful activities one comes to a most unpeaceful condition, for one must suffer hellish miseries in exchange for the meager temporary fruits of material work. Such hellish reactions occur not once but perpetually, as long as one is indifferent to the Vedic injunctions. (Srimad Bhagavatam 11:3:45. text and purport)

"IN EVERY TOWN AND VILLAGE the chanting of the Holy Name of Krishna shall be heard. This was the forecast made by Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu almost 500 years ago in India. Today, as the Hare Krishna Mantra -- Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare -- resounds in Bombay and New York, Nairobi and Sydney, and in Paris and Hong Kong, the prophecy of Lord Caitanya stands fulfilled. The universal import of this "Samkirtan Movement" (the congregational chanting of the Holy Names of the Lord) was expressed by Lord Caitanya as follows:

http://www.hknet.org.nz/harernam-page.htm
http://Harinam/rulestheweb.com

What's So Special About Chanting Hare Krishna?
By Stephen Knapp (Sri Nandanandan dasa ACBSP):
http://www.stephen-knapp.com/chanting_hare_krishna.htm

Very nice articles and numerous links on the About Hinduism web-site.

What is ISKCON ???
http://www.iskcon.org/main/twohk/iskcon/what.htm

Iskcon and Hinduism
http://www.hknet.org.nz/IskconHinduism.html

SONGS AND MANTRAS by Vaishnava spiritual masters:
http://web.tiscali.it/no-redirect-tiscali/gopala/Vaishnava-Songs/index.html

Vaishnava Song Book:
http://www.iskcon.org/sastra/f_vs.html
http://www.iskcon.org/sastra/vs_other.html

Listen to or Download for FREE numerous other classes on all kinds of inspiring topics by
advanced devotees in the Krishna Consciousness Movement:

http://www.harekrishna.asn.au/weekly.htm

http://www.harekrishna.org.au/speakers/

Watch Krishna Conscious Devotional and Educational Videos
http://www.harekrishna.org.au/video.htm

Watch for FREE
Life After Life (A Metamorphisis)
Mysteries of the Sacred Universe
Vegetarianism
Madhvacarya meets with Srila Vyasadeva
Kurukshetra: Land of the Bhagavad-Gita
Are you a Carnivore?
Meet Your Meat (Warning! Very Graphic)
Near Death Experience
..............and much more.
http://www.harekrishna.org.au/video.htm

Agama Tantra and the Vaishnava Samskaras as a way of life:

Recently I was asked, "Don't you find it an inconvenience to always be checking to see when is the right time to do this or the best time for that?"

In simple terms my answer was and still is; if you go to the bus or railway station or airport it is probably an intelligent venture to enquire about the times and routes of vehicles than to just hope that one will be along soon, or one is going in your direction.

There are subtle influences in the Universe that for thousands of years by advanced cultures have honoured, respected and utilised. Before the corruption of the Vedik literatures by the Christian and Moslem invaders to India all these things were used; Ayurvedik Medicine; Vedik Astrology; etc. Today there's a rennaisance among many to revive these arts.

We have been trained and studied to be able to provide these services. See some of my sites:

http://www.hknet.org.nz/jtcd-samskaras.html
http://www.iskcon.net/nz-namahatta/jtcd/1-homepage.html

or contact me directly: mailto:jtcd@xtra.co.nz

aham kratur aham yajnah
svadhaham aham ausadham
mantro 'ham aham evajyam
aham agnir aham hutam

"But it is I who am the ritual, I the sacrifice, the offering to the ancestors, the healing herb,
the transcendental chant. I am the butter and the fire and the offering."(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita 9.16)


Hare Krishna is NOT "a Cult":
Is ISKCON a Cult or part of the "Hindu Culture" or Something Else?
http://www.hknet.org.nz/not-a-cult.html

Hare Krishna is NOT a Cult letter by Kunti dd editor of Hare Krishna World:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/HK-no-cult.html

Krishna conscious affirmations:

 Always Remember Krishna & Never Forget Him

Join and receive Krishna conscious affirmations:
mailto:Sravana.SPGTSI@pamho.net

Looking for a devotee husband or wife? -
Devotee Meeting-Place Web site - FREE Service:
http://www.angelfire.com/ab7/devoteesmeet/home.html 

or HERE

A familiar scene as externally relatives and friends are with their loved ones

Vishnu-duttas stop the Yama-duttas arresting the soul

....the Lord accompanies the soul from body to body

http://www.hknet.org.nz/Reincarnation-page.htm

Krishna conscious Dramas and plays:
A collection of 88 transcendental dramas assembled and presented for the pleasure of
His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.
http://www.cedarpost.com/krsnaconsciousplays/default.htm

Wonderful modern Krishna conscious plays:
http://www.cedarpost.com/krsnaconsciousplays/TableOfContents.htm

These are great for Sunday feasts, or school programs or street presentations, or just for our own understanding.

Read here what Prabhupad says about such plays and dramas:
http://www.cedarpost.com/krsnaconsciousplays/PlaysP2SPquotes.htm

The Formidable Audio page - Bhajans, Kirtans, Lectures many Iskcon devotees:
http://www.iskcon.com.au/Audio.html

and

and

Hindu Puppets Cause Excitement in Basque Country
http://www.diariovasco.com/

TOLOSA, SPAIN, December 15, 2003: (translated from Spanish) The story of "Krishna" wowed Spanish audiences at the 21st annual International Marionette Festival of Tolosa in the Basque province of northern Spain during the first week of December. Twenty-one puppet groups from nine countries performed at the Festival. This was the first year that India participated. Two companies, the Mayur Puppet Theatre and the Shankuru Seethalakshmi shadow puppet group (famed for its stories from Ramayana and Mahabarata) presented "Krishna" and "Knowledge is Power." The reaction to the Indian presentations was so good that the organizers of the festival have proposed to dedicate a special edition of next year's festival to India with the presence of six of its puppet companies and an exhibition of Hindu puppets. The Indian ambassador to Spain, Dilip Lahiri, expressed pleasant surprise at the quality of the festival and has announced his intention to do everything he can to facilitate India's participation at next year's event.

Courtesy of http://www.HinduismToday.com/

Institute Monitoring Western Europe's Debate on Religious Garb
http://www.religionandpolicy.org/show.php?p=1.1.953

WASHINGTON, D.C., U.S.A, December 15, 2003: The Institute on Religion and Public Policy is watching closely the debates in Western Europe regarding religious garb. This is an issue which may already be impacting Hindus, and which Hindus should watch closely. As Europe struggles with the integration of its rising Muslim population and a new wave of anti-Semitism, a long-awaited official report on church-state relations in France is recommending sweeping changes in the way the country balances its fierce commitment to secularism with the demands of its religious minorities. The French report's most dramatic recommendation, which was delivered December 12, 2003, to President Jacques Chirac, was to urge passage of a law banning "conspicuous" religious symbols in public schools. Such symbols would include head scarves worn by Muslim girls, skullcaps worn by Jewish boys, and large crosses worn by Christians. This report does not say if the Hindu bindi would be considered "conspicuous." Although the report was into the wider question of French secularism, debate on the issue has focused on the wearing of Islamic headscarves in schools. "Discreet" medallions and pendants which merely confirm a person's religious faith would be allowed.

"The issue of conspicuous display of religious garb cuts right at the heart of religious rights," commented Institute President Joseph K. Grieboski. "To a Jewish man the kippa (skull cap) is a means to draw out one's inner sense of respect for God, to remind Jews of God, who is the Higher Authority 'above us' (Kiddushin 31a). External actions create internal awareness; wearing a symbolic, tangible 'something above us' reinforces that idea that God is always watching." "Crosses and crucifixes in Christian theology are used to inculcate lessons of piety, are concerned with the order of ideas, and serve as a simple physical reminder of the presence of God in our lives," continued Mr. Grieboski. "In Islam, the headscarf is meant to elevate the status of the Muslim woman by preserving her dignity and honor. Islam has been preserving the correct and proper dress code, not only for ladies, but for men as well." Mr. Grieboski continued. "The governments of France and Germany are impeding the very free expression of religious beliefs at the heart of a democratic system and beginning down a very slippery slope, worsened by the arbitrary distinctions made between public and private by the state."

Courtesy of http://www.HinduismToday.com/

Living the Religious Life of a "None"
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2003/12/04/MNG0Q3FQD51.DTL

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, December 4, 2003: A growing number of Americans simply answer "none" or "no religion" when pollsters ask them their religious affiliation. Some "nones" identify themselves as atheists or agnostics, but the vast majority believe in God, pray and often describe themselves as "spiritual, but not religious." Nones are one of the fastest growing religious categories in the United States. According to a recent survey, their ranks have more than doubled in a decade and include 29 million Americans. They're easy to find in the West and are the single largest religious group in Oregon and Washington, where they make up 21 and 25 percent of the population,respectively. In California nearly one in five people (19 percent) say they are nones. The sharp increase in the number of Americans nationwide who now claim no loyalty to a single faith has gotten the attention of many scholars. The shift has been noted in several polls, including the American religious Identification Survey of 2001, conducted by the city University of New York. This telephone survey of 50,000 Americans, which was also conducted in 1990, asked the open-ended question, "What is your religion, if any." Based on those answers, the study estimated that the number of "no religion" Americans had jumped from 14 million in 1990 to 29 million in 2001. Out of that 29 million, only 900,000 would call themselves atheists. Those 29 million nones are outnumbered only by the 51 million Americans who call themselves Catholic and 34 million who say they are Baptist.

Courtesy of http://www.HinduismToday.com/

NASA To Study Man Who Survives On Liquids And Sunlight
The article below: http://www.spacedaily.com/news/food-03d.html
From the same category: Jasmuheen(http://www.jasmuheen.com), who recently was in Romania said she hadn't eaten food for 8 years if I remember well and a 76-year-old Hindu pretends that he has not eaten for 68 years.

Delhi - Jun 30, 2003
An Indian man, who claims to have survived only on liquids and sunlight for eight years, has been invited by NASA to show them how he does it.

Hira Ratan Manek - also known as Hirachand - a 64-year-old mechanical engineer who lives in the southern state of Kerala,
apparently started disliking food in 1992, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported.

In 1995, he went on a pilgrimage to the Himalayas and stopped eating completely on his return.

His wife, Vimla, said: "Every evening he looks at the sun for one hour without batting an eyelid. It is his main food.
Occasionally he takes coffee, tea or some other liquid."

Last June, scientists from the US space agency verified that Manek spent 130 days surviving only on water, the report said.

They even named this subsistence on water and solar energy after him: The HRM (Hira Ratan Manek) Phenomenon.

Mr Manek is now in the US to show NASA's scientists how he survives without food.

The US space agency hopes to use the technique to solve food storage and preservation problems on its expeditions, the report said.

Mr Manek said he "eats through his eyes" in the evening, when the sun's ultraviolet rays are least harmful. He and his wife claim the technique is totally scientific. However, doctors warn that staring at the sun can make you blind.

His wife said: "He has a special taste for sun energy. He believes only 5 per cent of human brain cells are used by most people. The other 95 per cent can be activated through solar energy."

Source: DHA.

courtesy of (c) BBT Int

courtesy of (c) BBT Int

Gambling resource wasting.....time obsession

Alcoholism - the effects of drinking

understanding Intoxication and it's insidious nature

The Four Regulative Principles of FREEDOM

hare krishna mobile phone ring tone

Ring Tones For Nokia Mobile phones
4d1 4e1 2f1 16-
2f1 2- 4e1 4d1
2e1 16- 2e1 2-
4c1 4c1 2d1 16-
2d1 2- 4e1 4e1
4d1 4e1 2c1 2-
4d1 4e1 2f1 16-
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thanx 2 Jai Simman 4 that

The Peace Formula 
http://www.hknet.org.nz/PeaceFormula.html

The Real Peace Formula
http://www.hknet.org.nz/PeaceRealF.html

See more on Yoga and Meditation HERE:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index-yoga.html

FESTIVAL EVENTS AND VENUES:

Official Opening of the New Iskcon Auckland temple

16th - 17th - 18th January 2004

for more information see our page:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/HKAuckland-page.htm


Xmas season approaching -
be prepaired when visiting non-devotee/non-vegetarian rellies

See our Xmas madness pages for suggestive hints.

http://www.hknet.org.nz/XmasMadness.html

Holy Cow Mania pages:
http://www.holycowmania.com/

Hare Krishna School & Playgroup
Hare Krishna School is a state-integrated primary school that covers all subjects in the New Zealand Curriculum plus Sanskrit, Vedic culture and values in a rural setting.

Hare Krishna Playgroup provides early childhood education for children aged 3-5 years:

* The Hare Krishna School is a 9am - 3pm 5 days-a-week government funded school that covers all core subjects in the New Zealand Curriculum and in addition teaches Sanskrit, Sastra and Vedic arts. Children who come to this school get everything that children at state schools get plus Vedic culture and values.

I hope this meets you well,
Yours in the service of Krishna,
Krsnendu dasa
Hare Krishna School
Hare Krishna School
E mailto:HKSchool@xtra.co.nz

Ph: 09-412-6325
Mob: 021-265-7587
Fax: 09-412-6325
Find out what the Education Review Office thinks of the Hare Krishna School. Click the link below.
http://www.ero.govt.nz/publish/reppub.ns4/Institution/98CA326F2C53BF0CCC256B7500174198/$File/4204.htm?OpenElement



CONGRATULATIONS

ohu vaha ho
ohu vaha ho
ohu vaha ho......oh how wonderous !!!

........you might need the Balaram font installed on your system to read this text:
Download it here if you haven't already got it http://www.hknet.org.nz/fonts.htm (4 all your sanskrit fonts)

Gaura Yoga Centre
First floor
175, Vivian Street,
Wellington

Phone:  (04) 801-5500

Learn about the Krishna conscious life-style
Learn Yoga
Learn about Vegetarianism
...all in a non-threatening friendly atmosphere.

http://www.gaurayoga.co.nz

Contact us: mailto:info@gaurayoga.co.nz

Subscribe to newsletter: mailto:gaurayoga-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

HARI VANDANA !
A spiritual program for the modern age.

Every Wednesday
7.30 p.m. - 8:30pm

only on

ACCESS COMMUNITY RADIO - Wellington
783 A.M.
Presently the Hari Vandana service is in need of good quality Krishna conscious music (CDs audio tapes etc) to help with programs, if you have any or would like to help in any way please contact Jagjeevan prabhu HERE:

or for more information mailto:jagjeevandas.mvgm@paradise.net.nz

ISKCON Wellington

Sunday Love Feasts - contact your local temple, or community for details
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index-int.htm

http://www.hknet.org.nz/NZKiwi-yatra.htm

http://www.hknet.org.nz/aussie-yatra.htm

Harinaam Kirtan and Bhajans in Tauranga BOP.
Every Saturday in the Red Square by the Strand (or Mt. Maunganui)

Come and join the throng 11:00 am - 12:30 pm

...for more details contact Trivikrama dasa or Chaitanya Nitai dasa

mailto:jtcd@xtra.co.nz (for Trivikram prabhu)

mailto:nitai@e3.net.nz (for Chaitanya Nitai prabhu)

Vegetarian Clubs
Waikato University - Hamilton campus

2 days per week serving about 100 plates each day.

for more information mailto:deva4deva@hotmail.com

Auckland Veda club.
Auckland University - Wellesley St. campus

Its a simple weekly program thats been running for a few years, at Clubspace,
where we have a vegetarian prasadam lunch and sometimes show a video.
Srila Prabhupada's books are available to browse or buy.

For more information contact Auckland temple:
mailto:radhik@e3.net.nz

Otago University - Dunedin - Vege Club
Room 2., Clubs & Societies Building
Albany St.,

contact Jambavati dasi (03) 477 8277
mailto:jambavati85@hotmail.com

http://www.hknet.org.nz/HKDunedin-page.htm


Auckland
http://www.hknet.org.nz/AuckFFL-page.htm

Christchurch
http://www.hknet.org.nz/CHCH-FFL-page.htm

See more about Food For Life and how you can help HERE:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/HKFood4Life-page.htm

Food For Life - Auckland
Monday to Friday  11:00am to 8:00pm
Saturday  11:00am to 3:00pm

Catering for students, shoppers, office workers, and the needy - all will find full satisfaction for the body, mind and soul.

Saturday Evenings at “Food for Life” from 4.00pm to 6.00pm.
Come along to join in an evening of Chanting,
Philosophy and a Vegetarian Dinner.

On alternate Monday nights H.H. Mukunda Goswami will be present to speak and answer your questions.

Phone Food for Life, 268 Karangahape Road (K-rd), Auckland, for more information, (09) 300 7585

Higher Taste
Amazing Vegetarian Cuisine At Down to Earth Prices!

Salads
Organic Fruit Juices
Delicious Curries
$ 5.95
$ 7.95
$ 9.95

98 VICTORIA STREET, WELLINGTON TEL: (04) 472 2233
City: ABC Shoreline, 98-104 Victoria Street, Wellington.
mailto:jagjeevandas.mvgm@paradise.net.nz

Gaura's Place
Gaura's Place is at 555 Victoria street, first floor, Hamilton Central.

Ph (07) 839 3558

We are open Weekdays 11:30am -2:00pm for lunch which is a set menu daily,
with varying preps available of a balanced; Soup, Rice, Curried Vegetables, Puris or Pakoras, Salad and Sweet Halava.

Lunches 11.30 - 2 pm Weekdays.  Prices, $7.50 waged, $6 unwaged, 3 course lunch.
Dinner Fridays 7 - 9 pm, $15 ea, 3 courses. $5 kids under 12 years.

Bhagavad Gita classes Friday nights 6.30 - 8pm, $7 includes dinner.

This meal is also "set" although there is more variety and more "gourmet" style.

There are yoga classes (Iyengar style) on Thursday nights 6:30-7:45pm and Saturday mornings 10:15am -11:30am.
Cost $15 waged, $12 unwaged price includes dinner or lunch.

Friday nights we explore the Bhagavad Gita from 6.30 pm, followed by dinner at 8pm, culminating with a mantra meditaion.
Cost is $7 includes dinner.

Weekends- CLOSED.

http://www.hknet.org.nz/GaurasPlace.html

Run by Jhulan yatra dasa and Rasa yatra devi dasi
mailto:yatrafamily@paradise.net.nz

Gauranga's in Tauranga
174, Devonport Road Tauranga
phone  (07) 579 4720

Sunday evening program 5pm
Wednesday evening program

What is Bhakti Yoga?
Learn how to practice Krishna Consciousness at home
Bhagavad Gita class, and discussion
The science of self realization
How to practically make spiritual progress by chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra
Learn about the wonders of Krishna prasadam

.....and much more !!!

in a nice friendy family atmosphere.

http://www.hknet.org.nz/HKTauranga.htm

Business + F.H. for Sale
VEG OUT CAFÉ
50-seater restaurant.
Established for four years
Run by devotees
Operating hours 10.30-3PM

Full financials available
Business and Free hold $170,000

Contact: Tracey and Julian
+61 07 4093 8483 (café),
+ 6107 4093 9569
mobile: 042 572 5901
Cairns-Australia

See their page for pictures

Practicing Krishna Consciousness at Home:
http://www.iskcon.org/kchome/index.html
 

East Meets West @ "The Loft"
Enjoy an enlightening time associating with energetic devotees. Explore the similarities of ancient and modern surroundings through Krishna consciousness in a friendly non-threatening atmosphere.

Wellington Loft (Gaura Yoga centre)
http://www.gaurayoga.co.nz
mailto:info@gaurayoga.co.nz

Gaura's Place - Hamilton:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/GaurasPlace.html

Christchurch Loft
http://www.geocities.com/theloftchch
Hanuman dasa:
mailto:theloft108@hotmail.com

Gauranga's in Tauranga
http://www.hknet.org.nz/HKTauranga.htm
For more information:
mailto:nitai@e3.net.nz

Sydney Temple (Aus) Shop On-line:

http://bne004i.webcentral.com.au/catalogue/vs35292/frame-main.html

Subscribe to Sydney's E-newsletter – http://www.iskcon.com.au/Mailing_list.html
and Streaming MP3 classes and music – http://www.iskcon.com.au/Audio.html

more options in the marketplace HERE:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index-market.html

Sydney temple:
http://www.iskcon.com.au/Contents.html

Australian yatra:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/aussie-yatra.htm (...across the ditch )


...the site for Shaligram, Govardhan, Dwaraka and Tadiya shilas and Their Sevaks
Why not come on in for Cyber-darshan

There's so many new participants (GBCs, Gurus, Sannyasis, et al), new incredible pic's, capturing and enlivening articles and stories, pilgrimage diaries - check it out - believe me you won't be disappointed.

Thousands of Salagrams, Govardhan, Dwarka shilas from ALL over the world.

READ Salagram kosha on-line.......
 Hari Bhakti Vilas segments
 Padma Purana
 Garuda Purana

NEW ADDRESS:
http://www.salagram.net/index.html

mirrored @
http://www.hknet.org.nz/Sri-Shaligram-Tirtha.htm

Visit the Site and join our Quarterly Newsletter:

If you'd like to send in an article, picture(s), story or experience with Shilas please send it to me:
mailto:salagram@xtra.co.nz

last updated 10th December 2003

- HEALTHY ISSUES - Ayurveda:-
Visit Vaidya Yolande Manson's Ayurvedic practice - in Hamilton:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/YM-Ayurved.html

Receive the Waikato Ayurveda Group Newsletter
RADIANCE AYURVEDA HEALTH CENTRE
5a Bader Street, Hamilton, New Zealand
ph +64-7-843-5566, fax +64-7-843-3974
ayurveda@wave.co.nz

Got health challenges...........???
Please contact me!

Radiance Ayurveda mailto:ayurveda@wave.co.nz
(...and or Receive the Waikato Ayurvedic Group newsletter)

Visit Vaidya Yolande Manson's Ayurvedic practice - in Hamilton:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/YM-Ayurved.html

Dr. Pratap Chauhan - Social Welfare through Ayurveda - Faridabad India
http://www.jiva.org/

See our marketplace link off the main index:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/index-market.html

This material world is described as padam padam yad vipadäm,
which means that at every step there is danger.
Please be a little careful - everything is not always as it seems in the Matrix:

Sun Protection: Slip slop slap wrap

Sunsmart - http://www.sunsmart.co.nz/

NZ Cancer Society http://www.cancernz.org.nz/page.php3?32

Sun protection @ work http://www.everybody.co.nz/docsq_w/sunandwork.htm

Summer Season Fire Safety

http://www.fire.org.nz/home_kids/campaigns/summer.htm

http://www.woodendfire.onthe.net.nz/fire__safety.htm

http://nrfa.fire.org.nz/

Water Safety

http://www.watersafety.org.nz/

http://www.rivers.org.nz/education/safetycourses.php

http://www.nz-rafting.co.nz/feature.html

http://xtramsn.co.nz/health/0,,8006-1844782,00.html

Out-door activities Safety

http://www.mountainsafety.org.nz/courses/courseinfo.html

http://www.enzed.com/tramp.html

On-line Safety

Kids - Be Safe On-line:
http://www.safekids.com/

http://www.vachss.com/help_text/internet_safety.html

Do you have any services or products to advertise here for FREE ?

If you have any news, events, functions, deals, etc., that you would like to share with members of the greater Vaishnava community then please do so by sending what you have to us, we can pass them on in the next newsletter mailto:jtcd@xtra.co.nz

Prasadam Recipes

Download your FREE  Cake Recipe Cookbook
 - with 100 EGGLESS recipes
http://www.hknet.org.nz/great100.zip

NEW EKADASI RECIPES:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/ekadasi-page.htm

Ekadasi Book Cooking - new book coming:
http://www.webcom.com/~ara/iwr/14.1/books/ekadasi.shtml

Ekadasi Recipes - preps without grains or beans etc:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Courtyard/8761/f15.htm

Vrata ka khaana - Fast Foods cook book 4 sale (all ekadasi preps - some samples here):
http://www.niruskitchen.com/books/book_vrat.htm

Fast Food of a Different Kind:
http://www.lifepositive.com/body/holistic-recipes/recipes/food-fast.asp

EgglessDotCom - A site for vegetarian baking without eggs.
http://www.eggless.com/

Non-vegetarian aditives and non-ekadasi food aditives list:
http://home.iprimus.com.au/naractl/Non-Vegetarian_Food_Additives_for_Australia.htm

Meat Free Zone:
http://www.all-creatures.org/mfz/mfz-free.html

A Guide to Gourmet Vegetarian Cooking and a Karma-Free Diet:
http://www.mediarama.it/sanga/html/recipes.htm

FIRST~CLASS PRASADAM - A COLLECTION OF RECIPES & INSTRUCTIONS
http://www.harekrsna.com/science/taste/prasadam/recipes.htm

VEGETARIAN CHEESES - NO ANIMAL RENNET only VEGE RENNIN
(even Parmesan and other favorites)

(we bought some Stilton, Parmesan, Edam, Swiss and a few others - LOL - you have to check out these pages and then go to your Woolworths, Countdown, Pak'nSav, New World or local Deli.....believe me it's worth it - =>:-)))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/vege-cheese.html updated to help you

The Meatrix - this you have to see to believe - take the red pill see reality - The Meatrix it's all around you:
http://www.peta.org/feat/meatrix/

Allow the Meatrix to download fully before attempting to observe.............

Higher Taste cook book
http://www.webcom.com/~ara/col/books/VEG/ht/

OVER 100 EGGLESS CAKE recipes can be found on our Main index and
on many other pages at: http://www.hknet.org.nz/great100.zip

Visit our Award winning site - Vegetarianism & Beyond
Interesting articles - information - history - arguments - links............ (been re-vamped)
...in fact everything you want to know about Vegetarianism and Beyond:
http://turn.to/Vegetarianism
... last updated 20th November 2003

Offering our food to Krishna:
....excerpt from lecture by HDG Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada - Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.3.1-3 -- San Francisco, March 28, 1968

The Vedic literature says like this, that God has no leg, no hand. Therefore the impersonalists take advantage of it. "Oh, here it is stated God has no legs, no hands." But the next line is, javana grhita: "He can accept everything which you offer Him in devotion."

Now how He can accept? If He has no hand, how He can accept things from us? That means He hasn't got a hand like us. His hand is different. Therefore even though He is situated in the spiritual world, which is far, far away from us, still, He says in the Bhagavad-gita, it is said,

patram puspam phalam toyam
yo me bhaktya prayacchati
tad aham bhakty-upahrtam
asnami prayatatmanah

Krsna says that "A little flower or little water or a little leaf, whatever My devotee offers Me in love and devotion, I accept it." And tad aham bhakty-upahrtam. "And because he has brought it with great devotion, therefore I eat." Tad aham bhakty-upahrtam asnami. Asnami means "I eat." Now you can say, "All right, I'll offer these fruits and flower to God, but it is the same. It is remaining. How He is eating?" But His eating is not like my eating, because He hasn't got a body like this. This body is material. If you bring me a plate of fruits, this body immediately swallows it. But He has got spiritual body. He eats... Simply as soon as He knows that you have offered it in devotion, He eats immediately.

Go here to follow the simple system for offering foodstuffs to the Lord
... and always with the Magic ingredient - Offer it to Krishna.....
... with L'n D (love and devotion)
http://www.hknet.org.nz/How2offer.htm

Nutrition and Health - vitamins, a balanced diet, through prasadam:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/Vege-VitaminSources.html

Vegetarian Update - newsletter from NZ Vegetarian Socity in Wellington:
http://www.i-send.info/Host/10/index.html?

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
“If anyone wants to save the planet, all they have to do is just stop eating meat.
That’s the single most important thing you could do. It’s staggering when you think about it.
Vegetarianism takes care of so many things in one shot: ecology, famine, cruelty.”
--Sir Paul McCartney

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Check out heaps of information on Vegetarianism, Prasadam-ism,
download books, Vegetarian Recipe programs, and more.

http://www.hknet.org.nz/Veges-Beyond5page.htm
http://turn.to/Vegetarianism

HERE I'VE COMPILED HUNDREDS OF USEFUL LINKS 4 U:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/vege-links1.htm
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Beginners Guide to Vegetarianism:
http://people.qualcomm.com/sriharid/info/vegetarianism/veg.html
----------------------------------------------------------------
How Mary and Frank and Friends Eat - very nice Vegetarian pages:
http://www.all-creatures.org/recipes.html
----------------------------------------------------------------
Vegetarian recipes:
http://www.vegweb.com

Heaps of Quick Vegetarian Recipies:
http://www.quickneasyrecipes.com/vegetarian/vegetarian.html

101 Reasons Why I'm a Vegetarian:
http://www.vivavegie.org/vv101/index.html

Healthy Indian Vegetarian Cooking Recipes:
http://www.vegsource.com/articles/chari_veg_chili.htm

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR - LET ME KNOW...!

"You Mean That's in the Bible" - expose on meat eating:
http://www.textfiles.com/occult/CHRISTIAN/ymtitb.txt
--------------------------------------------------------------
- oxymoron of the yuga:
http://users.erols.com/epastore/veg/
--------------------------------------------------------------
Protect both our species, two-legged and four-legged. Both food and water for their needs supply.
May they with us increase in stature and strength. Save us from hurt all our days, O Powers!

Rig Veda Samhita 10.37.11.

Download one of Bhakti Rasa prabhu's songs for FREE
"Don't Eat Your Friends" (It Ain't Nice)
http://bhakti-rasa.tripod.com/mp3/akarma4.mp3

and visit Bhakti Rasa prabhu's site:
http://bhakti-rasa.tripod.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------

Check out Kurma prabhu's new web-site:
http://www.kurma.net/

XMAS Recipes @ http://www.hknet.org.nz/XmasMadness.html
We wish you a Vege Xmas

McDeath - the facts about Ronnie McDonalds:

http://www.hknet.org.nz/mcdeath.html

Meet your Meat FREE CDRoms
This is a must for those who live in the illusion of animal killing is somehow acceptable or humane.

I have converted the "Meet your Meat" video into a CD rom & will send a copy of it for free to anyone with a Cd burner & a pledge to make at least 4 copies to give to their meat eating friends.

http://www.hknet.org.nz/V-meetURmeat.html

This is the new version
I sent out a total of over 750 CD's last year to 60 different countries. My goal in 2003 is to double that number.
I would appreciate if you would forward this message to your readers.
Anyone willing to participate, please forward my mailing address as mailto:Chalissa1@aol.com

THIS HAS TO BE SEEN AT LEAST ONCE - SHOW YOUR MEAT EATING FRIENDS
IF THEY ARE WORTH KEEPING AS FRIENDS THEY WILL GIVE UP THE MEAT HABIT

Vegetarians BEWARE of Orange Softdrinks
http://www.shreeswaminarayan.org.uk/academy/vegeter.htm
Coca-Cola (manufacturer) - Not suitable for vegetarians; lists the following products as not vegetarian
These products contain traces of fish gelatine, which are used as a stabiliser for beta-carotene colour.

Fanta Orange
Diet Fanta Orange
Lilt Pineapple & Grapefruit
Diet Lilt Pineapple & Grapefruit
http://www.vegsoc.org/info/stumbling.html

Soft Drinks - Some canned Orange drinks use gelatine as a carrier for added Beta Caratine.
(This would not appear on the ingredients panel).
(Text PAMHO:5891790) ---------------------------------------

According to recent communications with Chelsea Sugar group - NZ Sugars their Sugars are now free from "Bone Char" bleaching process and so devotees can again use and offer White Sugar safely.

See more details HERE
http://www.hknet.org.nz/veg-sugars.html

Warning:
As of last week in November 2003 Yopliat the yogurt people now put geletine in their products
See here for pointers of okay ones http://www.hknet.org.nz/vege-cheese.html

Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves  =>:-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html

This is a MUST READ
http://www.digitalsawdust.com

Four Wives parable:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/4wives.pps

It was Xmas day and all the family, as well as the local priest came to see the young man dying in the hospital bed, as the family gathered around him suddenly the dying man began to flail about and make motions as if he would like to speak.

The priest, who was keeping watch at the side of his bed, leaned quietly over  and asked, "Do you have something you would like to say?" The man nodded to the affirmatively.  The priest handed him a pad and pen. "I know you can't speak, but use this to write a note and I will give it to your wife. She's waiting just outside."

Gathering his last bit of strength, the man took them and scrawled his message upon the pad.  He stuffed into the priests hands and, moments later, the man died. After administering the last rites, the priest left to break the sad news to the wife.

After consoling the widow, the priest handed her the note.

"Here were his last words. Just before passing on, he wrote this message to you."
The wife tearfully opened the note, which read, "YOU'RE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN HOSE!!"

Qantas airlines have a lot of low priced seats right now across the Tasman sea for Xmas. The carrier has a unique promotion for only $17.

It's one way only, you can only leave on December 24th, and you have to be able to stand the smell of reindeer.

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend
Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean.
It was a romantic full moon, when Huan  Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu.
 I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

.....AND SO DO I  !

Pleas play the following URL:
http://web.icq.com/shockwave/0,,4845,00.swf

sent in by Pauline Archell-Thompson UK - thanks

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble.
Their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, the boys were probably involved.
There was a certain rabbi in the town who was extremely successful in disciplining children.
The mother of the boys asked if he would speak with her boys.
The rabbi agreed, but said he would need to speak to them individually.
The mother sent her 8-year-old to the rabbi the next morning.

 The rabbi was a huge man with a booming voice.  He sat the boy down in front of him.
Towering over the child he asked sternly,  "Where is God?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.

The rabbi repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!?"
Again the boy, petrified, made no attempt to answer.

The rabbi raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,  "WHERE IS GOD!!!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet.  His older brother found him in the closet.

"What happened?" he asked.

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.  Seems that God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Feggala Rothstein from Chicago decided to go on vacation to Miami in the 1920s.
Upon trying to check into a nice hotel, the concierge told her,
"Sorry, there's no vacancy." Just then, a man checked out.

Feggala then exclaimed, "Good, now you have a room."
"Sorry", the man behind the counter replied, "this hotel is restricted."
"And what does that mean?" she asked him.
"Jews aren't allowed here!"
"Well what makes you think I'm Jewish?" she shot back.
"I know you are!"
"Well, I'm not! I'm a Catholic! " she insisted.
"So tell me, " the man replied, "Did God have a son?"
"Sure."
"What was his name?"
"Jesus."
"And where was he born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a stable. And do you know why he was born there?"

"No, why?"

"Because an idiot like you wouldn't rent his parents a room!"

An elderly man in Adelaide calls his son in Sydney and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Brisbane and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."

from my wife's sister Robyn

Temple commander to Temple President:

That new mataji Bhaktine Bertha they tell me she's a light eater,

.........once it gets light, she starts eating.

Did you ever wonder?
Who visits good cats on Christmas Eve?
Santa Claws!  (Sean, 9)

What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
Your teeth !

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him. (Gail S. Angel)

The ways of this material world - strange but true

Christmas Trivia:

A little spider in a cave, where Joseph, Mary and Jesus sought refuge on the way to Egypt, wanted to protect the Holy Family from the frost cold and spun a web like a curtain across the cave entrance.
        When dawn came, soldiers searching for children to kill in accordance with King Herod's orders came upon the cave.
The captain said, "No need to search this. No-one's gone in there or the spider's web would have been broke."
And that, so they say, is why we put tinsel on our trees, like the strands of frosty web, as thanks to the little spider. 
Believe it or not it's TRUE:

As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed officers late one night to strategic positions around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding. Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command. At just the right moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light on the roof." The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building.

Thanks to Stan for that one....

IDIOTS AT WORK

My aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $0.00.... now it was somewhere around $60.00.

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank

Me  "I am calling to tell you that my aunt died in January."

CitiBank "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau... maybe both!"

Me "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CitiBank"...Excuse me?"

Me "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about my aunt being dead?"

CitiBank "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone.)

Me ''I'm calling to tell you, my aunt died in January."

CitiBank "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CitiBank ".....(stammer)"

CitiBank "Are you her lawyer?"

Me "No, I'm her great nephew."  (Lawyer info given.)

CitiBank "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me "Sure."  (Fax number is given.)
(After they get the fax.)

CitiBank "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me "Oh..."

CitiBank "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose... don't really think she will care...."

CitiBank "Well... the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me "'Would you like her new billing address?"

CitiBank "That might help."

Me " (Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given.)

CitiBank "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me "What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?!!"

from  Tania & Jeremy

Oh the world we live in...............

If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth today,
He would be wanted by...

the FDA for turning water into wine without a license,

the EPA for killing fig trees,

the AMA for practicing medicine without a license,

the Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness,

the NEA for teaching without a certificate,

OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying without an airplane,

the SPCA for driving hogs into the sea,

and the National Board of Psychiatrists for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life

from Patricia

Christmas is weird. It's the time of year when our neighbors love to sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of their socks.

Santa Claus: An engineer's perspective

  There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).

 At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

  This works out to 967.7 visits per second.  This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

 Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

 The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.

 On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.  Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them-Santa would need 360,000 of them.

 This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each.

In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa ever did exist, he's dead now..........

Merry Christmas from Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP - N Carolina

A hillbilly named, Shawn Bob, moved to Texas, and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."
"Well, then, just give me my money back."
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."
"What ya gonna do with him?"
"I'm going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Hillbilly and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and "made a profit of $898."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

sent in by Shyam'

PS. the presenter of this newsletter accepts no responsibility for anyone taking this up as a form of 'sankirtan", "doing the pick"
PPS. the donkey was not the one used in the nativity scene in Bethlehem

One particular Christmas season, a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her mum was coming to visit.

This really stressed Santa! When he went to harness the reindeer he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

Becoming really frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the booze, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. Santa went to get the broom only to discover that mice had eaten the straw that it was made from.

Just then, the doorbell rang and he began cussing and swearing on his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, " Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day ?
I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just lovely ? Where would you like me to stick it ? "

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Thanks to Robyn for this gem too - argh come on maharaj lighten up ROFL

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