Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes


Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves  =>;-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html
Visit our Hasya Rasa pages

Laughter Therapy - its no joke:
http://www.healthlibrary.com/reading/yod/march98/news.htm

'Hasya' or humour, created using either a situation or a behaviour-mode, easily reveals in dialogues and gestures during a play but a difficult theme for a sculpture or painting. There are, however, some excellent examples of 'Hasya' in pictoral art also and these days in cartoons. Besides caricatures and 'bhangeris'-type characters, myths, legends or stories are also used for depicting humour. For example Lord Shiva is camping with Parvati under a tree in the forest. As Shiva is adorned with serpents, a serpent, drapes across the otherwise naked form of Shiva like a loincloth, is covering his private parts. Hearing of him being there under the tree, Lord Vishnu, along with Garuda, His faithful vehicle, comes to pay him homage. The snake, as soon as it sees the bird carrier Garuda, his natural enemy, abandons Shiva leaving him all exposed and naked and flees into an anthill. It is humour by situation. Deliberate tricks and or sarcasm, usually bringing forth the philosophy and culture, sometimes in Krishna-related themes, are also used for creating humour.

To read more about Hasya visit our pages

FOR YOUR INTEREST: This one is not a joke but I thought you might like to know. These are the names of Lord Caitanya taken from the book "Sri Caitanya Sahasra Nama Stotra", i.e. "A Thousand Names of Lord Caitanya" by Srila Kavi Karnapura (as translated by HG Kusakratha Prabhu from the Krsna Institute)...

        So Lord Caitanya is known as the one:

 - hasya-kari  &  hasya-yuk  ==> who laughs & jokes

 - hasya-priya  ==> who is fond of joking

 - hasya-nagara ==> who is the hero of those expert in speaking joking words

 - hasya-grami  &  hasya-kara  ==> is expert at joking

 - pushpa-hasa  ==> whose smile & laugh are as charminng as flowers.

Lord Gauranga's smiling & laughing qualities ki...

                                                ys Radhe Govinda dasa

P.S. One of the qualities of Srimati Radharani is that she is very expert in the art of joking.

"Any gentleman should be a little humorous."

- Srila Prabhupada (Letter to Kurusrestha 75-09-26)(26th Sept 1976)

SOME FACTS ABOUT HUMOUR

"With devotion steeped in love and affection, the yogi should meditate within the core of his heart upon the laughter of Lord Vishnu. The laughter of Vishnu is so captivating that it can be easily meditated upon. When the Supreme Lord is laughing, one can see His small teeth, which resemble jasmine buds rendered rosy by the splendor of His lips. Once devoting his mind to this, the yogi no longer desires to see anything else." ~ S.P., Srimad-Bhagavatam 3-23-33 "Kapila's Instructions on Devotional Service"

SCIENCE - After surgery but prior to the administration of pain medication, patients were told one-liner jokes. Those patients who were exposed to the humor experienced less pain in comparison to the other surgery patients who didn't get a dose of humor as part of their therapy. ~ Summary from study published in  ' Journal of Holistic Nursing'

Medical experts (Dr. Derk & Dr. Wiilliiamsburg) reveal that a powerful laugh will relax tensed muscles, brings more oxygen into the system and more quickly, lowers blood pressure, and offers a free, overall health benefits on many levels! And its free!. (If the FDA could manufacture a medicine like this, they'd charge a bundle.)

Loma Linda University Cali study by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan showed that physiological responses that were produced from belly laughter, were the opposite of what is seen in classical stress, thereby offering yet more evidence that laughing produces healthy or positive emotions.

Results of research by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan (Loma Linda U of Ca) indicated that after a good belly laugh, there is a general increase in activity within the immune system, such as: increased number and activity level of natural killer cells that attack viral infected cells and some types of cancer and tumor cells.

If it tickles your funny bone then chances are it will reduce the stress in your life and leave your immune system to do its part. This premise has been supported by both the field of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences. A recent publication with research data appeared in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Skin welt sizes were compared in patients suffering from severe allergies after one group watched a video featuring Charlie Chaplin and the other group listened to a documentary on weather. Needless to say, the Japanese study confirmed a reduction in skin welt size in the group watching the famed comedian. [FROM CNN.COM]  CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, February 13, 2001:

MORE SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS ABOUT LAUGHTER

* Laughter stimulates physical healing.
* Laughter enhances our individual creativity.
* Laughter is rejuvenating and regenerating.
* Laughter is good for relationships (that includes friendships).
* Laughter opens the heart.
* Laughter gives us a glimpse of freedom from the mind. (In other words, helpful for getting off the mental platform!)

~~ Articles by N. Lehrman in Archives of Internal Medicine, April 26,1993; Lee Berk, Dr. P.H. in Loma Linda University School of Medicine News, March 11,1999; N.Silver in American Health, November 1986; J. McCormick in Lancet, August 1994.

"We are less likely to succcummb to feelings of depression and helplessness if we are able to laugh at what is troubling us. Humor gives us a sense of perspective on our problems. Laughter provides an opportunity for the release of those uncomfortable emotions which, if held inside, may create biochemical changes that are harmful to the body." Patty Wooten, author of 'Pulmonary Rehabilitation: Guidelines to Success'

SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS - Controlled studies have given evidence that a good belly laugh has lowered serum cortisol levels, increased amounts of activated T lymphocytes, increased number and activity of natural killer cells, and increased the number of T cells that have helper/ suppresser receptors. Or to sum it up: laughter off-sets the immunosuppressive effects of stress and is therefore significantly improves the health of the immune system. - Discoveries by Dr. Berk and Dr. Tan, Loma Linda University.

Evidence (from EEG) revealed that when a joke is just about to be told, the initial anticipation results in  the brains cortex's left hemisphere starting the function of analyzing of word processing. Next, most brain activity moved to the frontal lobe (the center of emotions). After that, the right hemisphere's synthesis mix with the left's processing to look for and locate the pattern or to be able to "get" the joke. Very quickly following, though just prior to the persons had quite enough time to laugh, brain waves increase and spread to   the occipital lobe which is the sensory processing areas of the brain. There was an increase in fluctuations of delta waves which reached a crescendo of activity and crested as the brain 'got' the joke followed by the recipient beginning of laughter. So here you have 'scientific' knowledge how laughter works, integrating the brain and getting it to all function together, thanks to Dr. Derk & Dr. Williamsburg. Now, stop analyzing and start laughing! :-) You have facts that it's actually beneficial for a variety of health issues, so don't minimize its importance and start giving yourself permission to take out time each day to laugh.  Like a vitamin or even a meal, it's a necessity!

Courtesy of mother Pritaa ACBSP's site http://www.geocities.com/priitaa108/humor.htm

Laugh Yoga with Bir Krishna Goswami

Laugh Yoga during a picnic in Helsinki
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2932828682381191751

Laugh Yoga with Master Laugh Therapist BK Goswami - Laugh Yoga at It's Best In Split Croatia - 1 hr 41 min 49 sec - Aug 30, 2007
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5224249030279265816


This is a MUST READ =>;-Q
http://www.digitalsawdust.com

Four Wives parable:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/4wives.pps

The sound of one hand clapping !!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8muy8XHN52I

sent in by Jayasri mataji - Auckland

 Click on this link to see how really short life is.
http://www.sastradana.com/video/lifeisshort.wmv

sent in by Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP

Angry mouths flip out at a Press Conference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym9hMtpk9d4

12 days of Xmas Indian style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE


.....if I were a terrorist:
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies1972.html

Complex Karmas video clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP59tQf_njc

Everyone is entitled to be stupid from time to time, but some abuse the privilege.

Three groups spend other people's money: children, thieves, politicians.

All three need supervision


Kali Yuga mentality strikes again:

An English gardener who put up barbed wire to protect his property from thieves has been ordered to take it down in case intruders hurt themselves.

Will Malcoln was told to "remove it on health and safety grounds." He erected the deterrent after thieves struck three times in four months, stealing more than $300 worth of garden tools and wrecking his potato patch in the process.

A city spokesman said: "With regard to the barbed wire, we are obliged to request its removal or remove it on health and safety grounds to the general public, as this is a liability issue."


Q: How many Microsoft Support Staff does it take to change a light bulb...

A: Four.
One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?",

One to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?",

Another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?"

And the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."




Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.

"No," another contended.  "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third insisted.  "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer.

"Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

AND if I may be so bold as to add my two penneth, here's my story from a little while back (November 2008)
http://www.lotusimprints.com/new/blog/?p=567


DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

Still have your live Christmas tree? They are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition.

NOTE: the above does not apply to synthetic xmas trees, especially those silver and red shiny plastic ones.



There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".


 


Temple Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

Applicant: "Well, you see, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're doing."


A very drunken man gets on a city bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you - You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Right outside her front door, my mother-in-law had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature.

One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees.

"Mom," my wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine."


Bhaktine Betty is so Blonde she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.


Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, a BP Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said, 'If that car starts,    I'm turning Catholic.'


A friend's Grandpa wore a hearing aid that occasionally emitted a brief high-pitched sound that could be heard by anyone near him.

One day his granddaughter was sitting on his lap when the device started to beep. Surprised, she looked up and said, "Grandpa, I think you've got an email."




Every now and then the council announces that if residents have furniture or appliances the no longer want to leave them by the side of the road on certain days for collection. Anyway, someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd again leave.

Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.


  Did you ever wonder? 
 

If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?
 

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

It's called Sosumi!

I was standing at the temple in the prasadam cue when I saw a sign, the first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice."
So the devotee standing next to me, who also saw it took it.

Two ladies were discussing in the planetarium show they had just seen.
One said the show was fantastic, the other agreed, but added "most of it was over my head."

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident,
and called from the hospital about the four casts.


Things To Think About

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" when they already know you don't have any?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adore?

Why does lemon juice contain "artificial ingredients" but dish washing liquid contains "real lemons"?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

What frightens me about the recent bank failures is that if one of my checks is returned
stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether that refers to me or the bank.


Harbhajan Singh is the Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry; I don't understand who you are talking about".

Harbhajan Singh: "Hahji, On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"


Zen Dog:

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


 
 

A pig farmer called his favorite pig "Ball Point."
He siad it wasn't its real name, just a pen name.


New Scientist 27 August 2008

Prolix prescription

BOOKS giving advice on how to succeed in your profession generally work best when they practise what they preach, but sadly this is not always what happens. Michael Francis offers How to Advertise - what works, what doesn't, and why, by Kenneth Roman and Jane Maas, published by the UK's Charterted Institute of Marketing. One of its key recommendations for getting the marketing message across is "Get to the point quickly".
This recommendation appears on page 134 of the 194-page book.


THIS IS TRUE

A New York Web site helps those who need to make an emergency
bathroom stop avoid catastrophe by using their cell phone, its
creators say.

http://www.Diaroogle.com is a phone accessible search engine that purports to give frantic users a
reliable list of clean public and private bathrooms in a given part of New York by typing in an address.

The ways of this material world - strange but true

Bella was terribly upset. Her fiance, Marvin, had been to a clinical psychologist, and the results were not entirely consoling.

She said to her mother, "I'm not sure the marriage would be   happy, Ma. The psychologist says Marvin tests out to have a pronounced Oedipus complex."

Her mother shrugged and said, "Don't listen to that fancy talk. I've watched Marvin and I tell you he's all right.   Just look how much he loves his mother."


One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.  They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.  You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.  You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so The snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.  You must park...."

Then the electric power went out.  The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,
"Darling, Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."



Brothers Anthony and Paul Nis decided to open a business together and called the company Nis & Nis .

One day the receptionist told both brothers she was resigning with immediate effect.

Shocked, the brothers asked, 'Why'?

She told them, that it is very embarrassing answering the phone Nis & Nis.

The brothers were confused, so the receptionist explained.

A caller will ask to speak to 'Mr Nis'; she then has to ask if they want' Mr. A Nis or P Nis ?'


I enrolled in a class that guaranteed to improve my vision without surgery
but you know what I quit because there were just too many pupils.




Too bad that all the people who know how to run this country
are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.

 - George Burns


New ring tones
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4140.html

 
.....be careful changing tires
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4141.html

 
the bible in a minute
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4142.html


Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance.

"If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be much lower."

My brother smiled and said, "Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."

Not the yuga dharma


YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/


Balvant Singh:    I'm going to marry a widow.

Bobinder Singh:     ooooooh baba, that is not so good, I wouldn't want to be the second husband of a widow.

Balvant Singh:    Better the second husband, than the first baba

.......more optical illusions and paradigm twists here:

YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

But yesterday I should have thought me blest
To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak
Of middle life and look adown the bleak
And unfamiliar foreslope to the West,
Where solemn shadows all the land invest
And stilly voices, half-remembered, speak
Unfinished prophecy, and witch-fires freak
The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest.
Yea, yesterday my soul was all aflame
To stay the shadow on the dial's face
At manhood's noonmark! Now, in God His name
I chide aloud the little interspace
Disparting me from Certitude, and fain
Would know the dream and vision ne'er again.
­Baruch Arnegriff

It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was attended at different times by seven doctors.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/


Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!
 
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.*

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.
They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK !!!




Phone bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!!

from Vipsy


only in India


One day, Bhakta Rudy was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bhakta Mike driving a brand new pickup.

Bhakta Mike pulled up to him with a wide grin.

'Hey Bhakta Mike, where'd you git that truck?!?'

'Tammie give it to me,' Mike replied.

'She give it to ya?
I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, its like this Bhakta Rudy, let me tell you what happened.

We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods.
She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Mike, take whatever you want.'

You know me, I'm a brahmachari, So I took the truck!

'Bhakta Mike, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda' never suited you..........



* Getting it wrong

Mothers make history by getting it wrong

Mothers know best 99.99999 percent of the time. But there have been 20 occasions in history when mothers TOTALLY screwed up.

1. The mother of Noah: "You're not going out without sunscreen and a hat. It's going to be a scorcher."

2. The mother of the Hulk: "Eat your greens and you'll grow up big and strong."

3. The mother of Paris Hilton: "No one ever made a career out of being a rich, spoiled brat."

4. The mother of Jason, who fought the Cyclops: "Don't run with scissors, you'll have someone's eye out."

5. The mother of Mahatma Gandhi: "Ditch the loin cloth and put on a nice gray suit if you want people to remember you."

6. The mother of Scott of the Antarctic: "Wear a scarf or you'll catch your death."

7. The mother of Michelangelo: "Micky, I am going to whip your butt until you learn never to scrawl on walls again -- not to mention the ceiling.

8. The mother of Orville and Wilbur Wright: "You boys'll never get anywhere if you go around with your heads in the clouds."

9. The mother of Jonah: "Three days and nights you vanish: you don't phone, you don't write, you come up with these bizarre excuses, what's a mother supposed to think already?"

10. The mother of Condaleeza Rice: "Politics? You sassing me? The only way a girl like you is going to get anywhere is to learn some secretarial skills."

11. The mother of Bill Gates: "If you're going to drop out of college and hang out with your nerdy friends, don't come running to me when you find yourself starving and penniless."

12. The mother of Charlie Chaplin: "Mommy's bought you some special orthopedic leg braces so your feet won't stick out any more."

13. The mother of Jimi Hendrix: "Jimi, dear, I'm selling the guitar so I can spend the money on violin lessons."

14. The mother of Albert Einstein: "When you grow up, you'll find that sitting around thinking about the nature of time and space won't pay the grocery bills."

15. The mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger: "Put the dining table down, Arnie. Showing off never got anybody anywhere."

16. The mother of George W. Bush: "You'll never be like your dad, who became President of the United States and started his own war."

17. The mother of Elvis: "I've booked you in for some cosmetic surgery to fix that curl in your upper lip, and here's a brace for the twitch in your hips."

18. The mother of Moses: "Enough with the complaining already. Eat your milk and honey. You expect food to fall out of the sky?"

19. The mothers of John Lennon and Paul McCartney: "Stop that howling or we'll enroll the pair of you in an accountancy course."

20. The mother of Mona Lisa: "C'mon, give us a big smile, honey: is that the best you can do?"

From Vispy




A German has recorded the national record for the rarely contested sport of cell phone throwing by hurling his phone 223 feet the organizers of the event announced.

A young devotee, fresh out of the Bhaktivedanta seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.

He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.

Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?" He thought for a moment and then said, "I would pass an offering plate."

He got the job.

A movie theater in the Mormon community of Salt Lake City cancelled a showing of "Brokeback Mountain," claiming it offended community standards.
 
 One of the Utah residents claimed that the gay cowboy movie was so 'offensive,' it upset all but one of his twenty wives.

A young woman comes to her parents' home with a tall African guy, with huge gold rings hanging from his ears and nose.
The father screams at her: "I told you to marry a RICH doctor." (not a witch doctor)

sent in by Shyamasunder prabhu ACBSP



Mujibar was applying for a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready." The manager said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
The manager: you got the job.

sent in by Shyamasunder prabhu ACBSP



In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.

"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?"

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell intellectual?"

G'day sport, Been a bit warm has it???


Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower:

Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli-pad 1."

Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!"

There was a brief moment of silence.

First voice again: "You idiot! You're my co-pilot!"




Waiters and Flies @ Gopal's Restaurant
 
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"I'm not surprised, sir, our chef used to be a tailor."
 
Customer: Waiter, what's this fly doing in my ice-cream?
Waiter: Looks like he's learning to ski.
 
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Don't worry sir, they don't drink much.
 
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
What do you want me to do, call a lifeguard.
 
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Throw him a doughnut, sir, it'll make a good lifebelt.
 
'Waiter! There's a fly in my wine!'
'Well, you did ask for something with a little body, sir.'
 
'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!'
"Don't worry, sir, the tarantula on the roll will catch it."
 
'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!'
"Yes, sir, it's the unclean tables that attracts them."
 
Waiter, waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
 
Waiter, waiter, there's a small fly in my soup.
I'm sorry, sir. Shall I get you a bigger one?

NOTE: no-one from Gopal's need be offended, its the place to eat, after all with so many mice,
flies and cockroaches as well as the customers,
they can't all be wrong.

.......and always remember (don't forget...)
SMILE IT MAKES THE WORLD WONDER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO ;)

Please Try our little Colour Test - Right Brain vs Left Brain:
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf


 
 





























































































































I can't believe you actually clicked on that