Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes


Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves  =>;-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html
Visit our Hasya Rasa pages

Laughter Therapy - its no joke:
http://www.healthlibrary.com/reading/yod/march98/news.htm

'Hasya' or humour, created using either a situation or a behaviour-mode, easily reveals in dialogues and gestures during a play but a difficult theme for a sculpture or painting. There are, however, some excellent examples of 'Hasya' in pictoral art also and these days in cartoons. Besides caricatures and 'bhangeris'-type characters, myths, legends or stories are also used for depicting humour. For example Lord Shiva is camping with Parvati under a tree in the forest. As Shiva is adorned with serpents, a serpent, drapes across the otherwise naked form of Shiva like a loincloth, is covering his private parts. Hearing of him being there under the tree, Lord Vishnu, along with Garuda, His faithful vehicle, comes to pay him homage. The snake, as soon as it sees the bird carrier Garuda, his natural enemy, abandons Shiva leaving him all exposed and naked and flees into an anthill. It is humour by situation. Deliberate tricks and or sarcasm, usually bringing forth the philosophy and culture, sometimes in Krishna-related themes, are also used for creating humour.

To read more about Hasya visit our pages

FOR YOUR INTEREST: This one is not a joke but I thought you might like to know. These are the names of Lord Caitanya taken from the book "Sri Caitanya Sahasra Nama Stotra", i.e. "A Thousand Names of Lord Caitanya" by Srila Kavi Karnapura (as translated by HG Kusakratha Prabhu from the Krsna Institute)...

        So Lord Caitanya is known as the one:

 - hasya-kari  &  hasya-yuk  ==> who laughs & jokes

 - hasya-priya  ==> who is fond of joking

 - hasya-nagara ==> who is the hero of those expert in speaking joking words

 - hasya-grami  &  hasya-kara  ==> is expert at joking

 - pushpa-hasa  ==> whose smile & laugh are as charminng as flowers.

Lord Gauranga's smiling & laughing qualities ki...

                                                ys Radhe Govinda dasa

P.S. One of the qualities of Srimati Radharani is that she is very expert in the art of joking.

SOME FACTS ABOUT HUMOUR

"With devotion steeped in love and affection, the yogi should meditate within the core of his heart upon the laughter of Lord Vishnu. The laughter of Vishnu is so captivating that it can be easily meditated upon. When the Supreme Lord is laughing, one can see His small teeth, which resemble jasmine buds rendered rosy by the splendor of His lips. Once devoting his mind to this, the yogi no longer desires to see anything else." ~ S.P., Srimad-Bhagavatam 3-23-33 "Kapila's Instructions on Devotional Service"

SCIENCE - After surgery but prior to the administration of pain medication, patients were told one-liner jokes. Those patients who were exposed to the humor experienced less pain in comparison to the other surgery patients who didn't get a dose of humor as part of their therapy. ~ Summary from study published in  ' Journal of Holistic Nursing'

Medical experts (Dr. Derk & Dr. Wiilliiamsburg) reveal that a powerful laugh will relax tensed muscles, brings more oxygen into the system and more quickly, lowers blood pressure, and offers a free, overall health benefits on many levels! And its free!. (If the FDA could manufacture a medicine like this, they'd charge a bundle.)

Loma Linda University Cali study by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan showed that physiological responses that were produced from belly laughter, were the opposite of what is seen in classical stress, thereby offering yet more evidence that laughing produces healthy or positive emotions.

Results of research by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan (Loma Linda U of Ca) indicated that after a good belly laugh, there is a general increase in activity within the immune system, such as: increased number and activity level of natural killer cells that attack viral infected cells and some types of cancer and tumor cells.

If it tickles your funny bone then chances are it will reduce the stress in your life and leave your immune system to do its part. This premise has been supported by both the field of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences. A recent publication with research data appeared in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Skin welt sizes were compared in patients suffering from severe allergies after one group watched a video featuring Charlie Chaplin and the other group listened to a documentary on weather. Needless to say, the Japanese study confirmed a reduction in skin welt size in the group watching the famed comedian. [FROM CNN.COM]  CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, February 13, 2001:

MORE SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS ABOUT LAUGHTER

* Laughter stimulates physical healing.
* Laughter enhances our individual creativity.
* Laughter is rejuvenating and regenerating.
* Laughter is good for relationships (that includes friendships).
* Laughter opens the heart.
* Laughter gives us a glimpse of freedom from the mind. (In other words, helpful for getting off the mental platform!)

~~ Articles by N. Lehrman in Archives of Internal Medicine, April 26,1993; Lee Berk, Dr. P.H. in Loma Linda University School of Medicine News, March 11,1999; N.Silver in American Health, November 1986; J. McCormick in Lancet, August 1994.

"We are less likely to succcummb to feelings of depression and helplessness if we are able to laugh at what is troubling us. Humor gives us a sense of perspective on our problems. Laughter provides an opportunity for the release of those uncomfortable emotions which, if held inside, may create biochemical changes that are harmful to the body." Patty Wooten, author of 'Pulmonary Rehabilitation: Guidelines to Success'

SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS - Controlled studies have given evidence that a good belly laugh has lowered serum cortisol levels, increased amounts of activated T lymphocytes, increased number and activity of natural killer cells, and increased the number of T cells that have helper/ suppresser receptors. Or to sum it up: laughter off-sets the immunosuppressive effects of stress and is therefore significantly improves the health of the immune system. - Discoveries by Dr. Berk and Dr. Tan, Loma Linda University.

Evidence (from EEG) revealed that when a joke is just about to be told, the initial anticipation results in  the brains cortex's left hemisphere starting the function of analyzing of word processing. Next, most brain activity moved to the frontal lobe (the center of emotions). After that, the right hemisphere's synthesis mix with the left's processing to look for and locate the pattern or to be able to "get" the joke. Very quickly following, though just prior to the persons had quite enough time to laugh, brain waves increase and spread to   the occipital lobe which is the sensory processing areas of the brain. There was an increase in fluctuations of delta waves which reached a crescendo of activity and crested as the brain 'got' the joke followed by the recipient beginning of laughter. So here you have 'scientific' knowledge how laughter works, integrating the brain and getting it to all function together, thanks to Dr. Derk & Dr. Williamsburg. Now, stop analyzing and start laughing! :-) You have facts that it's actually beneficial for a variety of health issues, so don't minimize its importance and start giving yourself permission to take out time each day to laugh.  Like a vitamin or even a meal, it's a necessity!

Courtesy of mother Pritaa ACBSP's site http://www.geocities.com/priitaa108/humor.htm

Laugh Yoga with Bir Krishna Goswami

Laugh Yoga during a picnic in Helsinki
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2932828682381191751

Laugh Yoga with Master Laugh Therapist BK Goswami - Laugh Yoga at It's Best In Split Croatia - 1 hr 41 min 49 sec - Aug 30, 2007
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5224249030279265816


This is a MUST READ =>;-Q
http://www.digitalsawdust.com

Four Wives parable:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/4wives.pps

The sound of one hand clapping !!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8muy8XHN52I

sent in by Jayasri mataji - Auckland

 Click on this link to see how really short life is.
http://www.sastradana.com/video/lifeisshort.wmv

sent in by Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP

Angry mouths flip out at a Press Conference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym9hMtpk9d4

12 days of Xmas Indian style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE


.....if I were a terrorist:
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies1972.html

Complex Karmas video clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP59tQf_njc

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"

Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

sent in by Yashi

Mr. Natural


Two elderly Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on a bench at the entryway when one turns to the other and says,
"Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

Really? Like a newborn baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants."

If it falls on me and pins me underneath it, does that still count
as seizing the day?

(The Covert Comic)


Beijing prepares for the games


An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing, when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness Monster.

In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air.

Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid air, a booming voice came down from the clouds,
"I thought you didn't believe in Me?"

"Come on, God, give me a break!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!"




Harpal & Harbhajan were two gentlemen in an "old folks home" One morning they sat together at breakfast.

Harpal; "Harbhajan ji, why do you have a suppository stuck in your ear?"

Harbhajan: "Hanji ? EH? Whaaaat"

Harpal: "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE A SUPPOSITORY STUCK IN YOUR EAR?

Harbhajan: "Oh my! Thank you so much. Now I think I know what I did with my hearing aid".


Custom at Duquesne University  dictated that if a professor was ten minutes late, class was canceled. One professor arrived early for a 9 a.m. lecture. He placed his hat on his desk, and went to the faculty room. Before he knew it, it was 9:10. By the time he got back to his classroom, it was empty.

The next day, he let his students have it. "When my hat is here," he fumed, "I'm here!"

The following day, the professor arrived at 9 a.m. He was met by the sight of 28 hats on 28 desks -- and no students.

from Readers' Digest




My cousin Ralph died. His will provided $30,000 for the elaborate funeral he had requested..

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Sarah turned to her oldest and best friend. "Well, I'm sure Ralph would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice, as if Ralph could possibly be listening, leaned in close. an asked? "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Sarah. "About thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the temple. The finger foods and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?"

Sarah responded, "Two and a half carats."


Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual checkup.
"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you say that?" asks Quasimodo.

"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

Michevious granny prank:
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies2499.html

Secret ingredient in our lemonade:
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies2500.html

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,  YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,   BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'


I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.



A woman wanted to  reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out  of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across  an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior  had called, he got back to Mommy to inform her that there was a lady  that picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile. She waited impatiently for her husband to return  from work and upon seeing him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave  him a tight slap. Then she slapped him again for good  measure.  People from the neighbourhood rushed around to find out  what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell  everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said,  "The subscriber you have dialled is not available at present. Please  try again later."

Election year
 
Prime Ministerial candidates Helen Clark, John Key, and Winston Peters were flying to a debate.

Helen looked at John, and said, "You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now
and make somebody very happy."

John shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window
and make ten people very happy."

Winston added, " I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window
and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there.
I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 4.3 million people very happy."

Thanks to Jvala Nrsimha prabhu in CHCH for that one.


  Did you ever wonder? 


Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"


A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother,

"Muuuuuum, who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who the hell is that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"


Buns of stone


While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me.
Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear."

"I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation."

stone age buns

Middle age is the awkward period when
Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.


Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

While Nostradamus was alive, he was in great demand by the various churches and temples in the area.
Since this got to be a strain running from place to place, the religious groups got together and  hammered out a schedule where they
would each get Nostradamus's services for one or two days a month on a rotating basis.
It was the world's first prophet-sharing plan for non-prophet organizations.

.......cat visiting the vet suddenly realizes where the thermometer goes


The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad:  People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum:  Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid:  So what is the problem?  We all use our work telephones.


Lady: Is this my train? Showing the station master her ticket !!!

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

sent in by Yashi


The price society pays for crude oil


The gurukul teacher asked little Jaspreet if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

 Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

 "A jack," says the kid.


Party Animal

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and asked the priest to come listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate to listen. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backward."

He listened a while longer, and said,

"There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too.  Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh...the Sixth...the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up & announced to the crowd which had gathered in the cemetery,

"My fellow citizens, there is really nothing to worry about. It is just Mozart decomposing."


The NEW Internet Keyboard.

The ways of this material world - strange but true

You may have experienced that sometimes non-devotees become bewilldered with our spiritual names.

Well check out what some Celebs' named their kids:

Kal-El
Child Of: Nicolas Cage

Pilot Inspektor
Child Of: Jason Lee

Fifi Trixibelle
Child Of: Bob Geldof

Apple
Child Of: Gwyneth Paltrow

Kyd
Child Of: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

Sage Moonblood
Son Of: Sylvester Stallone

Maddox
Adopted child Of: Angelina Jolie (and Brad Pitt)

Memphis Eve
Child Of: Bono

Ocean
Child Of: Forest Whitaker

Prince Michael II/Blanket
Child Of: Michael Jackson

Moxie Crimefighter
Child Of: Penn Jillette

Jermajesty
Child Of: Jermaine Jackson


A Washington, DC, Airport Ticket Agent offers some examples of why the US is in trouble!
 
1.  I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.  (On an airplane!)

2.  I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then she interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.'  Without trying to make HER look stupid, I calmly explained, 'Cape COD is in Massachusetts.  Cape TOWN is in Africa  ...'  Her response . . . click.

3.  A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.   He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'

4.  I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, 'Is it possible to see England from Canada?'  I said, 'No.' She said, 'But they look so close on the map.' (OMG, again!)

5.  An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.  When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas.  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, 'I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.' (Aghhhh)

6.  An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She wanted to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am.   I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7.  A New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'  I said, 'No, why do you ask?'  She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!'  After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is FAT (Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8.  A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, 'Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?'

9.  I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who was calling from the airport and asked, 'How do I know which plane to get on?'  I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, 'I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.'

10.  A lady Senator called and said, 'I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida.  Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'  I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane.  She said, 'Yeah, whatever, smarty!'

11.  A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa.  'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'  I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.  When I told him this he said, 'Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!'

12.  A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, 'I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.'   I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, 'Are you sure that's the name of the town?'  'Yes.  What flights do you have?' replied the lady.   After some searching, I came back with, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.'  The lady retorted, 'Oh, don't be silly!  Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'  So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, 'You don't mean Buffalo, do you?'  The reply? 'Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal.'

From Dan’s wife, Shirley


Bite me  !!!!!  .....and he did.


Try this for yourself down at the Yamuna or Ganga:
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies2441.html


A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college.
So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign advertising his services.
So he told a kid to paint a signboard for  him & put it above his clinic entrance.

Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply.
He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after
 reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself.

One look and he understood why.
The boy only found a small wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist into the 3 words.
His new sign read:

    Psycho-
    the-
    rapist


Two goobers were talking.

One was explaining to the other how the Lord often compensates for a person's natural deficiencies.

"You see," he said, "If someone is a bit blind he might have a very good sense of hearing, or if his sense of taste has gone, he may have a keen sense of smell."

"I agree with you," said the other. "I've always noticed that if someone has one short leg, the other one is always just that little bit longer."


Israeli soldier under cover on the West Bank


There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said:

"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Not the yuga dharma


WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see, And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be ­ Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth, With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth. While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incandescent youth, From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth. He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote ­ For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow: "Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow."
­Halcyon Jones

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/

.......more optical illusions and paradigm twists here:

WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/


Two men are sitting in a vegetarian cafe talking.

One says to the other, "I think it's spelled W-H-H-O-O-O- M-B."

The other man replies, "No, wouldn't it be more like W-H-H-H-O-O- M-M-B-B?"

The waitress is walking by and says, "You guys are both idiots! It's spelled W-O-M-B, you're so foolish!" and she storms off.

The one man turns to his friend and says, "How do you like that? She's heard an elephant fart too!"

The California tourist board has been promoting the state's tropical weather, saying they have over a hundred thousand palms.

You may find about 16 or so of them are trees, the rest seem to be attached tothe hands of maitre d's, parking lot attendants, waiters, bell boys, doormen, etc.




I accompanied my grandaughter to church with her mother for the first time.
The A/C wasn 't operating as well as it should have and it wasn't long before the little darlin' began to complain of feeling ill.

"Mom," she whispered, "I think I'm going to throw up."

"Go out the front door," her mother instructed, "then walk to the back of the church and do it behind the bushes. I'll be out shortly."

A few minutes later, just as I was about to check on her, she returned.
 
When I asked her if she felt better, she replied. "Yes, grampa, but I didn't have to go into the bushes behind the church like Mom said.

They have a box next to the front door that has a sign that says FOR THE SICK."


As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,
"I can't find a cause for your complaint.
Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"Well...." said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober!



An Easy Enough Mistake

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman,
"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" reached the final plateau.

      If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

      It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

      A) the condor

      B) the buzzard

      C) the cuckoo

      D) the vulture

      The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because. . .her friend was, well, blonde.

      But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

       The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

      The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

      She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do.  But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

      "I need an answer," said Meredith.

      Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

      "Is that your final answer?"

      "Yes, that is my final answer."

      And Meredith replied, "That answer is.... Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"

      Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

      "Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, " said the contestant.  "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

      "Oh, come on," said the blonde... "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."

From Laura: not Gaura but Laura with a L.


Meeting With the Board
http://vineetchander.blogspot.com/2008/04/vjotw-classics.html

After delivering a long, dry Bhagavatam lecture, the Temple President announced that he wished to meet with the temple board after the program, in his office. He returned to the office to find that the first person to arrive was an older Indian man,  whom he didn't recognize.

“Pardon me, Prabhuji," the President said, "I think you misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board.”

“I know,” said the man. “If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet him.”

don't laugh - as Kali yuga progresses this could become a reality.


Radha Dasi, an ISKCON sunday school teacher, was teaching a lesson on how Krsna is simultaneously within everything and distinct from everything.

Concerned that the students (who were between the ages of 5 and 8) might have a tough time with such an esoteric subject, Radha tried to get the discussion rolling by asking the students a question.  "Where is Bhagavan Sri Krsna?" she asked .

Several hands shot up.  8 year old Nitai answered confidently: "He's in Goloka Vrindaban!"

Priya, a shy 7 year old, timidly raised her hand  and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Madhava, the smallest boy in the class, was waving his hand furiously.
Finally Radha Mataji called on him, and excitedly he blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at Radha Mataji, and waited for her response. Stunned, she was completely speechless for a few very long seconds. Realizing that the children were depending on her, she finally cleared her throat, adjusted her sari, and -- putting on her most pleasant and calm smile --  asked Madhava how he knew this.

Little Madhava replied, "Well, every morning before work my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells: 'Hai Bhagavan, are you still in there?'"


notice from Australia


Box of Ladoos

An older Temple President was searching his closet for his fancy kurta before the program one Sunday afternoon. In the back of the closet, he found a small box he had never seen before, and opened it up. He was surprised to find that it contained three ladoos and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet and demanded to know why the box with the ladoos was there. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 20 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the TP asked her, "But why? We never keep secrets from one another."

The wife explained to her husband that she had kept the box a secret from him because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a bad lecture, she felt that she couldn't tell him her true feelings, so instead she used her energies to make a ladoo and then placed it in the box. The TP thought about it for a moment, and then decided that as weird as it was, no real harm was done. And besides, he thought to himself, three stinky classes in his 20 years of service was certainly nothing to feel bad about.

"That's alright. But then what is the $100 for?" he asked.

"Oh, that," she said smiling, "Each time I got a dozen ladoos, I sold them at the gift shop for $1."


If you didn't find this page funny you will be arrested by the Funny Police.

.......and always remember (don't forget...)
SMILE IT MAKES THE WORLD WONDER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO ;)

Please Try our little Colour Test - Right Brain vs Left Brain:
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf


 
 






















































































































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