Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes


Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves  =>;-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html
Visit our Hasya Rasa pages

Laughter Therapy - its no joke:
http://www.healthlibrary.com/reading/yod/march98/news.htm

'Hasya' or humour, created using either a situation or a behaviour-mode, easily reveals in dialogues and gestures during a play but a difficult theme for a sculpture or painting. There are, however, some excellent examples of 'Hasya' in pictoral art also and these days in cartoons. Besides caricatures and 'bhangeris'-type characters, myths, legends or stories are also used for depicting humour. For example Lord Shiva is camping with Parvati under a tree in the forest. As Shiva is adorned with serpents, a serpent, drapes across the otherwise naked form of Shiva like a loincloth, is covering his private parts. Hearing of him being there under the tree, Lord Vishnu, along with Garuda, His faithful vehicle, comes to pay him homage. The snake, as soon as it sees the bird carrier Garuda, his natural enemy, abandons Shiva leaving him all exposed and naked and flees into an anthill. It is humour by situation. Deliberate tricks and or sarcasm, usually bringing forth the philosophy and culture, sometimes in Krishna-related themes, are also used for creating humour.

To read more about Hasya visit our pages

FOR YOUR INTEREST: This one is not a joke but I thought you might like to know. These are the names of Lord Caitanya taken from the book "Sri Caitanya Sahasra Nama Stotra", i.e. "A Thousand Names of Lord Caitanya" by Srila Kavi Karnapura (as translated by HG Kusakratha Prabhu from the Krsna Institute)...

        So Lord Caitanya is known as the one:

 - hasya-kari  &  hasya-yuk  ==> who laughs & jokes

 - hasya-priya  ==> who is fond of joking

 - hasya-nagara ==> who is the hero of those expert in speaking joking words

 - hasya-grami  &  hasya-kara  ==> is expert at joking

 - pushpa-hasa  ==> whose smile & laugh are as charminng as flowers.

Lord Gauranga's smiling & laughing qualities ki...

                                                ys Radhe Govinda dasa

P.S. One of the qualities of Srimati Radharani is that she is very expert in the art of joking.

SOME FACTS ABOUT HUMOUR

"With devotion steeped in love and affection, the yogi should meditate within the core of his heart upon the laughter of Lord Vishnu. The laughter of Vishnu is so captivating that it can be easily meditated upon. When the Supreme Lord is laughing, one can see His small teeth, which resemble jasmine buds rendered rosy by the splendor of His lips. Once devoting his mind to this, the yogi no longer desires to see anything else." ~ S.P., Srimad-Bhagavatam 3-23-33 "Kapila's Instructions on Devotional Service"

SCIENCE - After surgery but prior to the administration of pain medication, patients were told one-liner jokes. Those patients who were exposed to the humor experienced less pain in comparison to the other surgery patients who didn't get a dose of humor as part of their therapy. ~ Summary from study published in  ' Journal of Holistic Nursing'

Medical experts (Dr. Derk & Dr. Wiilliiamsburg) reveal that a powerful laugh will relax tensed muscles, brings more oxygen into the system and more quickly, lowers blood pressure, and offers a free, overall health benefits on many levels! And its free!. (If the FDA could manufacture a medicine like this, they'd charge a bundle.)

Loma Linda University Cali study by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan showed that physiological responses that were produced from belly laughter, were the opposite of what is seen in classical stress, thereby offering yet more evidence that laughing produces healthy or positive emotions.

Results of research by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan (Loma Linda U of Ca) indicated that after a good belly laugh, there is a general increase in activity within the immune system, such as: increased number and activity level of natural killer cells that attack viral infected cells and some types of cancer and tumor cells.

If it tickles your funny bone then chances are it will reduce the stress in your life and leave your immune system to do its part. This premise has been supported by both the field of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences. A recent publication with research data appeared in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Skin welt sizes were compared in patients suffering from severe allergies after one group watched a video featuring Charlie Chaplin and the other group listened to a documentary on weather. Needless to say, the Japanese study confirmed a reduction in skin welt size in the group watching the famed comedian. [FROM CNN.COM]  CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, February 13, 2001:

MORE SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS ABOUT LAUGHTER

* Laughter stimulates physical healing.
* Laughter enhances our individual creativity.
* Laughter is rejuvenating and regenerating.
* Laughter is good for relationships (that includes friendships).
* Laughter opens the heart.
* Laughter gives us a glimpse of freedom from the mind. (In other words, helpful for getting off the mental platform!)

~~ Articles by N. Lehrman in Archives of Internal Medicine, April 26,1993; Lee Berk, Dr. P.H. in Loma Linda University School of Medicine News, March 11,1999; N.Silver in American Health, November 1986; J. McCormick in Lancet, August 1994.

"We are less likely to succcummb to feelings of depression and helplessness if we are able to laugh at what is troubling us. Humor gives us a sense of perspective on our problems. Laughter provides an opportunity for the release of those uncomfortable emotions which, if held inside, may create biochemical changes that are harmful to the body." Patty Wooten, author of 'Pulmonary Rehabilitation: Guidelines to Success'

SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS - Controlled studies have given evidence that a good belly laugh has lowered serum cortisol levels, increased amounts of activated T lymphocytes, increased number and activity of natural killer cells, and increased the number of T cells that have helper/ suppresser receptors. Or to sum it up: laughter off-sets the immunosuppressive effects of stress and is therefore significantly improves the health of the immune system. - Discoveries by Dr. Berk and Dr. Tan, Loma Linda University.

Evidence (from EEG) revealed that when a joke is just about to be told, the initial anticipation results in  the brains cortex's left hemisphere starting the function of analyzing of word processing. Next, most brain activity moved to the frontal lobe (the center of emotions). After that, the right hemisphere's synthesis mix with the left's processing to look for and locate the pattern or to be able to "get" the joke. Very quickly following, though just prior to the persons had quite enough time to laugh, brain waves increase and spread to   the occipital lobe which is the sensory processing areas of the brain. There was an increase in fluctuations of delta waves which reached a crescendo of activity and crested as the brain 'got' the joke followed by the recipient beginning of laughter. So here you have 'scientific' knowledge how laughter works, integrating the brain and getting it to all function together, thanks to Dr. Derk & Dr. Williamsburg. Now, stop analyzing and start laughing! :-) You have facts that it's actually beneficial for a variety of health issues, so don't minimize its importance and start giving yourself permission to take out time each day to laugh.  Like a vitamin or even a meal, it's a necessity!

Courtesy of mother Pritaa ACBSP's site http://www.geocities.com/priitaa108/humor.htm

Laugh Yoga with Bir Krishna Goswami

Laugh Yoga during a picnic in Helsinki
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2932828682381191751

Laugh Yoga with Master Laugh Therapist BK Goswami - Laugh Yoga at It's Best In Split Croatia - 1 hr 41 min 49 sec - Aug 30, 2007
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5224249030279265816


This is a MUST READ =>;-Q
http://www.digitalsawdust.com

Four Wives parable:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/4wives.pps

 Click on this link to see how really short life is.
http://www.sastradana.com/video/lifeisshort.wmv

sent in by Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP

Angry mouths flip out at a Press Conference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym9hMtpk9d4

12 days of Xmas Indian style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE


Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on
the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be
quiet in church?' One bright little girl replied, 'Because some people are sleeping.'




Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can
be counted counts.  Albert Einstein
 
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when
we created them.  Albert Einstein
 
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned
in school.  Albert Einstein
 
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not
sure about the universe.  Albert Einstein

Thanks to Hrishikeshananda prabhu ACBSP - Thailand




The congregation liked their new clergyman, but were somewhat puzzled by his speaking style. His first sermon ran only 8 minutes; the second Sunday he spoke for 45 minutes; the third week he rattled on for an hour-and-a-half. That was enough for the Board to summon him for a little chat.

To their relief, Wilkerson had a ready explanation. "The Saturday before the first sermon, I had my teeth pulled and my mouth was still terribly sore. But, by the time a week had gone by, I'd gotten used to my new dentures." Here the minister paused, and blushed deeply. "And as for last Sunday . . . well, I'm afraid that I picked up my wife's set of teeth by mistake!"

George Bernard Shaw said, "The English are not a spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity."


Four Religious Truths

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:
 
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters bar.


When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "just the cutest thing!"

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet???"

The sound of one hand clapping !!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8muy8XHN52I

sent in by Jayasri mataji - Auckland

"Have you ever hunted bear?"

"No, but I've gone shopping wearing a wet suit."


  Did you ever wonder? 

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

 Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
 has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
 since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
 He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
 Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the
 worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
 
 Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
 than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
 His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
 overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
 charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
 from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
 reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
 
 Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
 job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
 children. It declined even further when schools were required to get
 parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplasts' to a
 student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and
 wanted to have an abortion.
 
 Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
 contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
 treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
 couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
 could sue you for assault.

 Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
 her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; along with his daughter and son, Responsibility and
Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want
It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
 
Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

sent in by Karmella Naidoo - Tauranga

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world with-
out hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because
they'd never expect it." --Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

sent in by Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP




When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German
Ambassador, he said "If they want to see me, here I am. If they want to
see my clothes, open my closet and show them my suits."  Albert Einstein

Thanks to Hrishikeshananda prabhu ACBSP - Thailand


"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.

"The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."


A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."

The ways of this material world - strange but true


 


A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the
mother eyes an expensive fur coat.

"This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present
instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter
nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be
perfect too."

The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor
creature has to suffer so that you can have this."

"Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't
get the bill for a couple of weeks."


An Austrian cinema is letting movie-goers take their pet dogs to films with them in a bid to lure more customers.
 
Cinema bosses have started a monthly Doggy Day in a bid to offer something different from their brash modern rivals.

Visitors pay $4 for a ticket while their pet pooch can go in for free and are given a blanket to snuggle up on in their seats, as well as water and popcorn.

A spokesman said, "The only thing different from a normal movie showing is that the
volume levels for the films are turned down a bit so as not to hurt the animals' ears."

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

“You’ve got Male!”

From Laura: (that's Laura with a L not with a G.


A three-year-old's mother was pregnant and so was the family dog. So the father thought it would be a good time to explain where babies come from.

So, when the day came, dad took the boy to watch the puppies being born.
The boy stood wide-eyed and watched the birth of the puppies, all five of them, but said very little.

Months later, on the day of his Mom's delivery, the child went to the hospital.
Before visiting his mother, his dad took him to the nursery to meet his new sister.

As he looked at the row of babies through the nursery window, his eyes grew wide as he asked, "Are all of these ours?"

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Brandon raised his hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Brandon."

Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the heck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking!"


Dinesh was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

.....................Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position  in the hall, and slept for an hour.  This continued for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

Two men were talking one day.

"My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden," said the first man.

"So were you able to find some?" the second man asked.

"Well when I got to the market, I told the gardener these vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

"The gardener said, "No, you'll have to do that yourself."



Did you know that when the Nomadic tree senses danger it packs up its trunk and leaves.

TRUTH, n.

An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.
TRUTHFUL, adj.
Dumb and illiterate.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/


.......more optical illusions and paradigm twists here:

TRUST, n.

In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator.

One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.

Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"

A scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals
trying to prove his theorem when he fell into the vat
and became part of the solution




Anil Agarwal was a nice Hindu boy, and was now going out with a nice but rather ritzi girl anyway he finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Radha smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Anil thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition."

"What is that?" Radha asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Anil replied.


ode to valentine's day

"According to a new survey, 11 percent of all Americans between
the ages of 18 and 24 could not find the United States
on a map of the world. How pathetic is that? President Bush
commented on this today, he said, 'Why do we need our kids
to find the U.S. on a map? They're already here.'" -Jay Leno

thanx to Yashi - Wellington & Fiji


 

After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year,
Scottish Archaeologists found traces of copper wire dating
back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their
ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed
English scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after,
headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English Archaeologists have
found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that
their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications
network a hundred years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Kerryman," a southwest Irish
newsletter, reported the following: "After digging as deep
as 30 metres in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a self
taught Archeologist, reported that he found absolutely
nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago
Ireland had already gone wireless."

Reality check:

Everything in the body pains and what is not paining you know is not working.

The glimpse in your eye is actually a sunray from your glasses,

U feel like the morning after, although you have been nowhere,

Your only appointments in your diary all start with Dr.

You get short of breath from playing poker and

your children are starting to look middle aged to you,

when you need a pair of specticles to look for your other pair in order to find them

your nose is all that runs, your legs cannot any more!

Your back goes more out than you actually go yourself

and when you bite into your food your teeth stays behind,

HEY, THE BODY'S GETTING OLDER IS NOT FOR WHIMPS!

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain

.......and always remember (don't forget...)
SMILE IT MAKES THE WORLD WONDER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO ;)

Please Try our little Colour Test - Right Brain vs Left Brain:
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf


 
 






































































































I can't believe you actually clicked on that