Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves =>;-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html
Visit our Hasya Rasa pages
Laughter Therapy - its no joke:
http://www.healthlibrary.com/reading/yod/march98/news.htm
Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves =>;-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html
Visit our Hasya Rasa pages
Laughter Therapy - its no joke:
http://www.healthlibrary.com/reading/yod/march98/news.htm
To read more about Hasya visit our pages
So Lord Caitanya is known as the one:
- hasya-kari & hasya-yuk ==> who laughs & jokes
- hasya-priya ==> who is fond of joking
- hasya-nagara ==> who is the hero of those expert in speaking joking words
- hasya-grami & hasya-kara ==> is expert at joking
- pushpa-hasa ==> whose smile & laugh are as charminng as flowers.
Lord Gauranga's smiling & laughing qualities ki...
ys Radhe Govinda dasa
P.S. One of the qualities of Srimati Radharani is that she is very expert
in the art of joking.
SOME FACTS ABOUT HUMOUR
"With devotion steeped in love and affection, the yogi should meditate within the core of his heart upon the laughter of Lord Vishnu. The laughter of Vishnu is so captivating that it can be easily meditated upon. When the Supreme Lord is laughing, one can see His small teeth, which resemble jasmine buds rendered rosy by the splendor of His lips. Once devoting his mind to this, the yogi no longer desires to see anything else." ~ S.P., Srimad-Bhagavatam 3-23-33 "Kapila's Instructions on Devotional Service"
SCIENCE - After surgery but prior to the administration of pain medication, patients were told one-liner jokes. Those patients who were exposed to the humor experienced less pain in comparison to the other surgery patients who didn't get a dose of humor as part of their therapy. ~ Summary from study published in ' Journal of Holistic Nursing'
Medical experts (Dr. Derk & Dr. Wiilliiamsburg) reveal that a powerful laugh will relax tensed muscles, brings more oxygen into the system and more quickly, lowers blood pressure, and offers a free, overall health benefits on many levels! And its free!. (If the FDA could manufacture a medicine like this, they'd charge a bundle.)
Loma Linda University Cali study by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan showed that physiological responses that were produced from belly laughter, were the opposite of what is seen in classical stress, thereby offering yet more evidence that laughing produces healthy or positive emotions.
Results of research by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan (Loma Linda U of Ca) indicated that after a good belly laugh, there is a general increase in activity within the immune system, such as: increased number and activity level of natural killer cells that attack viral infected cells and some types of cancer and tumor cells.
If it tickles your funny bone then chances are it will reduce the stress in your life and leave your immune system to do its part. This premise has been supported by both the field of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences. A recent publication with research data appeared in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Skin welt sizes were compared in patients suffering from severe allergies after one group watched a video featuring Charlie Chaplin and the other group listened to a documentary on weather. Needless to say, the Japanese study confirmed a reduction in skin welt size in the group watching the famed comedian. [FROM CNN.COM] CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, February 13, 2001:
MORE SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS ABOUT LAUGHTER
* Laughter stimulates physical healing.
* Laughter enhances our individual creativity.
* Laughter is rejuvenating and regenerating.
* Laughter is good for relationships (that includes friendships).
* Laughter opens the heart.
* Laughter gives us a glimpse of freedom from the mind. (In other words,
helpful for getting off the mental platform!)
~~ Articles by N. Lehrman in Archives of Internal Medicine, April 26,1993; Lee Berk, Dr. P.H. in Loma Linda University School of Medicine News, March 11,1999; N.Silver in American Health, November 1986; J. McCormick in Lancet, August 1994.
"We are less likely to succcummb to feelings of depression and helplessness if we are able to laugh at what is troubling us. Humor gives us a sense of perspective on our problems. Laughter provides an opportunity for the release of those uncomfortable emotions which, if held inside, may create biochemical changes that are harmful to the body." Patty Wooten, author of 'Pulmonary Rehabilitation: Guidelines to Success'
SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS - Controlled studies have given evidence that a good belly laugh has lowered serum cortisol levels, increased amounts of activated T lymphocytes, increased number and activity of natural killer cells, and increased the number of T cells that have helper/ suppresser receptors. Or to sum it up: laughter off-sets the immunosuppressive effects of stress and is therefore significantly improves the health of the immune system. - Discoveries by Dr. Berk and Dr. Tan, Loma Linda University.
Evidence (from EEG) revealed that when a joke is just about to be told, the initial anticipation results in the brains cortex's left hemisphere starting the function of analyzing of word processing. Next, most brain activity moved to the frontal lobe (the center of emotions). After that, the right hemisphere's synthesis mix with the left's processing to look for and locate the pattern or to be able to "get" the joke. Very quickly following, though just prior to the persons had quite enough time to laugh, brain waves increase and spread to the occipital lobe which is the sensory processing areas of the brain. There was an increase in fluctuations of delta waves which reached a crescendo of activity and crested as the brain 'got' the joke followed by the recipient beginning of laughter. So here you have 'scientific' knowledge how laughter works, integrating the brain and getting it to all function together, thanks to Dr. Derk & Dr. Williamsburg. Now, stop analyzing and start laughing! :-) You have facts that it's actually beneficial for a variety of health issues, so don't minimize its importance and start giving yourself permission to take out time each day to laugh. Like a vitamin or even a meal, it's a necessity!
Courtesy of mother Pritaa ACBSP's site http://www.geocities.com/priitaa108/humor.htm
Laugh Yoga with Bir Krishna Goswami
Laugh Yoga during a picnic in Helsinki
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2932828682381191751
Laugh Yoga with Master Laugh Therapist BK Goswami - Laugh Yoga at
It's Best In Split Croatia - 1 hr 41 min 49 sec - Aug 30, 2007
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5224249030279265816
This is a MUST READ =>;-Q
http://www.digitalsawdust.com
Four Wives parable:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/4wives.pps
Click on this link to see how really short life is.
http://www.sastradana.com/video/lifeisshort.wmv
sent in by Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP
Angry mouths flip out at a Press Conference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym9hMtpk9d4
12 days of Xmas Indian style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE
A long-haired girl sitting close to Swamiji's dais raised her hand and asked, seemingly in trance, "When I am chanting, I feel a great concentration of energy on my forehead, and then a buzzing comes and a reddish light."
"Just keep on chanting," Swamiji replied. "It will clear up."
(from Srila Prabhupada Lilamrta)
Courtesy: (Pseudo) Secularism Combat (True funnies)
Dressed in their white gowns they came into the chapel with the Mother
Superior and were about to undergo the ceremony to marry them to Jesus,
making them brides of Christ
Just as the ceremony was to begin four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes,
long sideburns and long beards came in and sat in the front row.
The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honoured that you want to share
this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask why you came?"
One of the Hasdic Jews replied "We're from the groom's (Jesus) family"
This makes us recall the case of nuns in a court in Warsaw, Poland
against ISKCON. Noting that the ISKCON is spreading it's activities and
gaining followers in Poland , a nun filed a case before a Judicial Magistrate
praying that ISKCON should be banned because it's followers are glorifying
a Character called Krishna 'Who was loose in morals, having married 16,000
Gopikas'.
When the case came up for hearing the ISKCON defendant requested the
Judge to ask the nun to repeat the oath she has taken when she has ordained
as a nun. The Judge asked the Nun to recite the Oath loudly. She would
not.
ISKCON man asked the Judge whether he could read it out for the nun.
The Judge said go ahead. The pledge was to effect that 'she (the nun) is
married to Jesus Christ' .ISKCON man said "Your Lordship! Lord Krishna
is alleged to have 'married' 16,000 women. There are more than a million
nuns who assert that they are married to Jesus Christ. Between the two
Krishna and the nun, who are loose characters"
The Judge dismissed the case and allowed ISKCON to go its way.
sent in by Dinesh Agrawal from Vedic Culture list
In a strange twist of fate, one of New Vrindaban’s longest unresolved mysteries, namely the whereabouts and positive identification of the person known as “the mad crapper,” may at last be solved. A recent submission—more specifically a posted comment on this blog site by a former Brijabasi—has led authorities to link the person who posted the comment with the heinous crime itself. “We’re pretty certain we’ve got our man,” noted Tapahpunja Dasa. who was assigned to capture the mad crapper in the spring and summer of 1977. For those of you unfamiliar with the bizarre affair, here’s the scoop (pardon the expression).
By the Spring of 1977, the building of Srila Prabhupada’s Palace of Gold was in full swing. New Vrindaban Community was a beehive of bhakti, especially Bahulaban farm where most of the devotees resided. Not only was New Vrindaban’s population ballooning, but there were also hundreds of Indian and American guests walking the grounds. Unfortunately the number of people didn’t match the number of toilets available. Our showering and bathroom facilities were taxed to the max. Something had to be done until the new Guest House facility was completed. The solution? No problemo!….let’s rent a couple of Port-a-Potties!. The green plastic outhouses were positioned right in the middle of the daily flow of pedestrian traffic— triangulated smack dab between the old white barn, the temple farm house and the newly erected Guest House. All day long you could here the slapping sound of the outhouse door slamming shut as yet another resident or guest sought relief from the calling of nature.
It all seemed to be coming out ok (pardon the expression again), until the devotees assigned to cleaning the outhouses reported a strange phenomenon. Apparently, someone—none other than the mad crapper—was intentionally missing the hole and instead laying their load where you stood to position yourself. Yikes! Not exactly good for public relations, what to speak of the trauma suffered by those innocent souls entering the outhouse in the dark of night. Squish! Oh, my God, it can’t be true! But indeed it was true.
At first we thought it was just accidental. But the mad crapper struck again and again, day after day without mercy. Experts in stool removal were summoned . Emergency board meetings were held. Psychics (Mother Vidya) were consulted. The whole community was buzzing with speculation. Who could do such a thing?
Finally, in one last desperate move, Kirtananada Swami called upon the brahmacari he deemed most likely to catch the mad crapper. That would be me. Maybe he knew that both my rising sign and moon are in Scorpio (Scorpios make good detectives), or maybe he figured that since I have a rather large probiscus (nose) that I could just sort of “sniff out” the culprit. At any rate, he ordered me to hide on the second floor of the Guest House. From that vantage point I was to watch each person who entered and left the crime scene and then bolt down the stairs, fling open the outhouse door and look at the results. Kind of a strange service…
Despite my diligent efforts, the mad crapper escaped detection and was never brought to justice……until now.
In consultation with senior Brijabasis, I now know that the mad crapper is non other than. Gaura Shakti Dasa, famed electrician and smirking prankster in exile. Criminologists remind us that criminals often return to the scene of the crime. By posting a comment on this blog site in which he mentions my brief career as the mad crapper detective, Gaura Shakti has in essence returned to the crime scene, thus incriminating himself thirty years de-facto. Other facts positively indicating his guilt are:
1). Guara Shakti was asked to install light bulbs in the outhouses.
He refused.
2). Gaura Shakti was part and parcel of the original Bahulaban stool
crew, comprised of Advaita Acharya and myself and thus had intimate knowledge
of these affairs.
3). Gaura Shakti was prone to steal maha-prasadam and feel no remorse
for his behavior.
We, the residents of New Vrindaban who were terrorized by the mad crapper, await Gaura Shakti’s on-line confession and terms of compensation for damage suffered.
The Preacher and the Drunk...
Before our pastor gets to the subject matter of his sermon, he usually
captures the attention of our congregation by telling a joke or funny story.
I had heard this one before but found it as funny as the first time
I heard it:
One evening a preacher held a country-type baptism. This is where those desiring baptism are submerged into a shallow pond. Quite often, many people gather around either to be baptized or to watch with curiosity at the baptism. On this occasion a drunk man wandered up to the scene, and stood next to the preacher.
The preacher unknowingly dunked the drunk into the water, then quickly
brought him up.
He said to the drunk, "Did you find the Holy Spirit?"
The drunk shook his head and said, "No."
The preacher then dunked him and again repeated, "Did you find the Holy Spirit?"
Again the drunk shook his head. The preacher then dunked him a third time, only held his head underwater for about 30 seconds.
The preacher then brought the struggling drunk up and, as before, he repeated the question, "Did you find Him yet?"
The drunk finally caught his breath, shook his head and answered, "Are you sure you lost him in this spot?"
This man is working on the buses and collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to start off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is convicted for murder, and seeing as it's Texas, he's sent to the electric chair.
On the day of his execution he's in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well," says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"
"Yes," answers the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits until he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch, sending thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears, the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks.
"I suppose so," says the executioner. "That's never happened before."
The man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling tickets. Yet again, he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The man is convicted for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time, so he connects the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The man is again seated in the chair.
"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned man.
The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana.
The man eats the banana and the executioner flips the switch. Thousands of volts course through the chair, blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears, the man is still there, smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
The man gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell while passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up extra electricity to the chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
"What's your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Well," says the man, "can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?"
The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it. The executioner pulls the handle and the volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still seated there alive, without even a burn mark.
"I give up," says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that!" He strokes his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana, isn't it?" he asks.
"Nah," says the man, "I'm just a bad conductor."
sent in by Hrishikeshananda prabhu ACBSP in Thailand
BIBLICAL MOTHERS
Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been! (Judges 14:5-8)
David, I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
Abraham, stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
No Noah, you can't keep them. I told you, don't bring home any more strays.
Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
from Mother Pritaa's site http://www.geocities.com/priitaa108/humor.htm
While marking the pupil's social studies test papers, the Gurukul teacher
was in a quandary about the answer given by one of the third-graders.
Asked to name the four major directions, he wrote:
1. Listen carefully.
2. Write neatly.
3. Sit up straight.
4. Raise your hand.
Jasbinder Singh was at the first day of school. The teacher advised
the class that each school day starts with the Pledge of Allegiance and
instructed them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after
him.
As he starts the recitation he looks around the room, "I pledge allegiance... to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Jasbinder Singh he found he had his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
"Jasbinder Singh, I will not continue till you put you hand over your heart."
Jasbinder replied, "It is over my heart."
After several attempts to get Jasbinder Singh to put his hand over his heart the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"
"Because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost
what it feels about dogs.
John Osborne
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
Did
you ever wonder? 
There was once a temple congregation that was continually asked for
money,
so often, in fact, that they asked the temple president to speak of
them not as his flock but as his fleeced.
dog trainer
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid.
So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down
to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor
in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a
leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted
to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do
it, by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a parka over her
leather jacket. She replied that she was reading the directions on the
paint can and it said .
You'll love this .
Scroll down.......
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"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"
sent in by Vishaka dd - Yashi - Well & Fiji
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective
student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming???" echoed the dean much impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it!"
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license.
After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."
"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.
"Look lady, don't try that with me, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket."
The ways of this material world - strange but true
The salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in the department
store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the
comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said,
"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside..."
Don't Mess With Grandma...
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags
into the back of the car and got into driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces
farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!
Extreme sport - huricane sailing
"You can always tell it’s autumn in New York City, because the shadow of the guy following you is longer."
-David Letterman
"According to The Wall Street Journal, Botox hit a billion dollars in
sales last year. A billion dollars!
Of course, the Botox people are thrilled. You couldn’t tell by looking
at their faces, but they were."
-Jay Leno
Friendly neighbours.....helping one down !!!
An old man was grocery shopping with his grandson. The toddler was
crying and at times screaming at the top of his lungs.
As the old gentleman walked up and down the aisles, people could hear
him speaking in a soft voice.
"We are almost done, Aravind.
Try not to cry, Aravind...
Life will get better, Aravind..."
As he approached the checkout stand, he carefully brushed the toddler's tears from his eyes and said again,
"Try not to cry, Aravind...
We will be home soon, Aravind..."
As he was paying the cashier, the toddler continued to cry.
A young woman in line behind him said, "sir, I think it is wonderful how sweet you are being to your little Aravind."
The old gentleman blinked his eyes a couple of times before saying, "Miss, my grandson's name is Govinda. I'm Aravind."
While extolling the virtues of "Petcraft" to a pet shop owner in Manhattan, Jasbindra burst into the store with her friend Kashmira Kaur.
"I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a good singer. I've got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer."
The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store.
"Ma'am, I'm forty years in this business. In that cage is the best singer I've ever seen."
"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey."
By this point, the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder.
"Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso !" Placing the cage on the counter, the bird burst into melody after melody.
In awe, Jasbindra murmured, "This bird sure is a good singer..."
Suddenly, she said in a shrill scream, "Hey, oh my God, this bird's only got one leg!"
The pet store owner was unperturbed, "Lady, what do you want? A singer or a dancer?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Harbhajan Singh was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital.
Anyway, there was this one young nurse that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"
Harbhajan had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, Old Harbhajan had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So.....you know where the juice went.
Well, the nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle.
She looks at it and says, "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today....."
At this, Old Harbhajan snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, "Well, let's run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time."
The nurse fainted...... Old Harbhajan Singh just smiled......
You find out interesting things when you have sons:
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft. House 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. Room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
10. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
11. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
12. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
13. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
14. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
15. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
16. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
17. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
18. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
19. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
From Marjean:
¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶º¶
SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/
..................turn your head to the left and look again
.......more optical illusions and paradigm twists here:
SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling. This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words.
His bad opponent's "facts" he sweeps away,
And drags his sophistry to light of day;
Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort
To falsehood of so desperate a sort.
Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast,
He lies most lightly who the least is pressed.
—Polydore Smith
Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team anymore?
Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.A.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple
had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood
after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared,
where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag
of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet.
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took
it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars. Andy said,
"We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and
hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for
the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find
a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." Andy
said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe
him. He's getting senile." The agents turn to Andy and began to question
him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday
. . . "
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."
Maternal Miracles...
A woman went to her doctor's office where she was seen by a young new doctor.
After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded:
"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?!?!
The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking up said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
A husband forgot his wedding anniversary. His angry wife demanded:
”Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway that goes from
0 to 100 in under 4 seconds!“
Next morning wife found a parcel in the driveway containing a new bathroom scale…Just to let you know his funeral will be held on Friday!!
Beauty of Maths!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are
giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
Well, How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might
help answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But :
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there; however, it’s the
Love of God
that will put you over the Top!
God Bless You
kindly sent in by Janakaraj prabhu ACBSP
Please Try our little Colour Test - Right Brain vs Left Brain:
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf
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